h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Think some researchers may need your space subtitled.

Rae UR ra subtitulls

Anway thirrs awways' rae text tae speech thingies

So, did ye get hame a'right eftir yer wee journey into 'enemy territory'?

Who're ye caalin' enemies lyek?

Aa'll hev ye kna yon Jimmy's a fuully paid-oop member of yon Cowards Union o' North Tyneside an' Scotland.

The greet Wumbe tell't me hissel'

Noo, noo, ladies, usrae say in Ebberdeen, "Wherr's ra nearest sheep farm?"...Naw, haud oan a minnit, rat's no right....

Aye, goatit, usrae say in Ebberdeen, "Dinna fecht".

Newcastle's no enemy territory, that's Morninside in Newton Mearns yur thinkin' ae. When Robbie ra Pict becomes King a Scoatland ah'm gonny write tae 'im, tellin' 'im tae annexe Newcastle (us well issa certain Devon Abbey).

Try writin' doon some Geordie inren switch tae a Glaswegian accent in read it back. Grantit, it disnae make any sense, neether dis Glaswegian, but it proves therr aw undercover Scots. Fifth Columnists only pit in England so rae kin smuggle Nookie Broons acroas ra border tae ra mouths arra truly needy.

Aye, ah goat hame awright fords, thanks, but ah'm still a wee bit puzzilt abootra onion wrapped aroon' ma keykerd INSIDE ma wallet. Ah know whit yur gonny say, but ah've awready searched fur diced carrots in ma wallet, in therr's nane tae be seen.

As long as yer a'right, and they 'honorary' Scots didnae rough ye up too much!

Newcastle is definitely at least 55 percent scotishm of ocurse it is...

What was it Irvine Welsh said about Geordies again? Ah, 'the Geordies are as f***ed up as the Scots but don't have the English to blame'...

Actually they do. The borderers used to be a separate nation. The kingdom of Northumbria occupied an area both sides of the completely artificial border imposed by the English.

He certainly did! What gets me in history though is that if Scotland was such a poor and pathetic country all those years ago, why did the English fight so hard to occupy?