h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i know what you mean about how me tend to interact with people differently in person. but i have come to realize for myself that that kind of interaction is pointless. i love to meet people any age, and hope that i will gain knowledge from whomever i interact with. i am the type of person that just goes for the beauty within everyone. i know that some people dont have it, and hope that they will find it, but i really try not to judge. although, as i just wrote to ed, that age does have an affect on how we view life. and that our experiences do really make us who we are. i have been fortunate enough to see that it doesnt really matter who you are, age, sex, gender, but it matters your soul. your inner being in life. as for the more honest connection it is true because we forget that we are actually talking to another human. when we sit down to the computer, and start writing, that is exactly what we are doing. talking to the computer. i am a person that can bear my soul when i write, and that is what i have a tendency to do when i am here. it is sad though that we cant make those same connections face to face. i had at one time, started to talk with someone on the phone, and we had great conversations for quite sometime, then we decided to meet, and we didnt connect at all. im sure it could be the same thing here. mind you there have been people that i have met from on line and we did connect off line as well. i guess it just depends on the people. can i take a stab at who i think you are? you may get a kick out of it, and you dont have to tell me if i am right or not, unless you really find it necessary. you already know who i am, by reading my journal. i have nothing to hid. although this may not be a good quality to have when you are chatting on the internet what exactly do you do? or did i miss that in an earlier conversation? i am now just hanging out with the dogs, and resting alot. also going out to see live performances by local people, to try and connect and become a part of the community here again. i am on quite a overdue personal journey, and loving getting to know myself, and learning to accept myself. i have always been a late bloomer that will probably help me keep my youthful good looks take care wildiris

What I meant about judging people is that no matter how accepting you are - it's just human nature to impose social preconceptions when meeting someone in real life - it's just something we all do - luckily people like you (and me - I hope ) are likely to overcome those preconceptions and accept each person as we find them

When I chat here - I don't think of it as "talking to my computer" - I really think of the people that I talk to as people - and I try NOT to think of them as young, old, male or female - and I don't think that communication on the net (for the most part) is any more honest than in real life - people still "play games" and try to dissemble, but sometimes it is a little more revealing. Be careful though - when you wear your heart on your sleeve there's always the possibility that someone will have forgotten their hanky and want to use your coat as a snot rag

If you want to take a guess about me - go ahead - but I won't respond either way - but it's always interesting to see how people perceive you

What do I do - well ... a little accounts work at home for some musician friends, some part-time office work here and there and sometimes (to keep the wolf away from the door) I do telephone market research - basically I'll try anything that I find reasonably non-boring, non-stressful and paying

The journey to find oneself is one we all should take - I believe that unless you know (and like) yourself it's very difficult to come to terms with the world in general. But you must also be realistic and understand that there are people out there that DON'T wish you well - but you don't HAVE to deal with them -just walk away and ignore them, life is too short to bother with the sh*ts in the world when there are so many nice people to associate with.

Feisor

most definitely!!! all of it actually!! i have decided not to guess who you are. i will keep it in my head. and yes i do always wear my heart on my sleeve. but i hope that i will always be able to connect with the good ones from now on. it is up to me right!? dont have much time today, will reply more later!! take care wildiris

I'm on my way out - just checked in to see what's happening

You look after yourself too

that i will do. sorry for the short reply, my mother came in and was talking to me. well i guess we will have to start a conversation again. right now i am a little messed up. my ex just called me, to apologize and i am confused. i should go, not in this space now, thought it would distract me. take care wildiris

I'm flat chat this week too - so won't be around much.

Re your ex - I'm going to say something - not as advice but just as something to think about - it's something that I was once told.

Remember that you can't go back - if you return to a situation it must be as a step forward - if it doesn't feel like a positive progression - it's probably wrong.

Whatever you do - it must be your decision alone - so if it doesn't work you are the only one responsible.

Good luck - I'll be thinking of you ....



Feisor

thank you, that is exactly what i was thinking myself. i dont ever want to go back to the situation that i was in before. and she definitely needs to get some professional help. i would like to support her in that aspect but i dont want to be the reason that she tries to do something for herself, she has to want to do it. i know that she lost her mind. i understand that that happens to people, but there are alot of things that i have to yet deal with about the situation. i dont ever want to live in fear again. i am still having anxiety attacks, expecially with the phone call yesterday, i was shaking i was so mad inside. i will keep your words embedded in my brain, they were there from myself, but it is good to have it from others too. thank you for your support. take care wildiris

anxiety attacks?? Well ... don't let your heart rule your head - you obviously are a sensitive person - try not to take on her problems as your own.

You know how to get me if you need me



Feisor

yeah i know that i can release my problems here, but i dont know how to do it in person, and right now i dont think that i should be here, in this space. my mother doesnt allow for breathing room. the reason that i take on her problems is that i really do love her, and i know that it is stupid. i dont know why i love her. she isnt good for me emotionally, and i am a very sensitive person, i feel everything...havent learnt to block anything out yet. if you have some tips on how to do that it would be greatly appreciated. dont feel very comfortable here, thinking of leaving very soon. dont know where to go at the moment, but i can find somewhere to stay. i am resilient, i always bounce back. how do i get you if i need you? you are half way around the world!? well take care wildiris still going to keep this space for everything if i get the chance to be here by myself, without mother over my shoulder

Just keep thinking - Mum's only hassling me because she cares for me - it's true you know - she probably thinks that you are talking to all sorts of weirdos here - let her read it and she'll see that we're all (sort of) normal. She might even sign on herself

*waves to wildiris's Mum *

If she didn't care she'd just let you go -she probably knows how upset and troubked you are and is concerned for you.

You can always find me here - I am usually online at least once a day - totally addicted to h2g2 I am

You shouldn't try to block things - yous hould try to face them, deal with them and then put them behind you and move on. Otherwise they lie there and fester - remember a wise man (or woman) once said "What doesn't kill me makes me strong."

Enough platitudes and cliches I've got to go to bed ...

Night .....

i had a talk yesterday after i wrote to you with my mother... things are fine, we have agreed that we have different personalities blah blah blah.. and everything will be fine. i was just antsy because i am not working gotta find a job, it gives me purpose, a reason to get up everyday. i was talking about learning to be able to block out others emotions and feelings. not my own. those i am dealing with slowly but surely. it is just that i seem to be able to pick up on everyone elses feelings and stuff and want to be able to block them out. take care wildiris

I'm so pleased that you sorted things out with your mother - I have always maintained that honest talking is the best way - at least then, the issues, once verbalised can be dealt with.

Dealing with other people's feelings is always difficult - but you must be selective - you can't let their negative feelings drag you down. But you know that

Maybe once you find a job, new friends will come too, and keeping busy is always a help.

Take care

yesteday i did reply to you, but i guess it got lost in cyberspace. also one of my journal entries is missing...i guess it went there too. hopefully they will find their way home. i am relying on old friends right now, comfort zone, but i am sure to make new friends soon... have started to talk to people, not one for opening up much in public. more comfortable one on one.just looking at one of my paintings and seeing how that feels.... have put my feelers out within the artist community here...people are stuck in a time warp here, they dont change.... it is really a wierd thing. i went out dancing last night, and people i havent seen in 9 years feel like it was yesterday that they last saw me. there is something in the water i think. there is a site for a few things in peterborough here on h2g2, that is how i came here, if you would like to read them. some researcher here wrote them. havent found that person yet...but it is a small town, i will if i try. one is the only cafe, but i will try just peterborough ont. and see what happens.... wow i am yammering about nothing this morning, should have done my writing first, my morning pages. take care wildiris

Sorry that it's taken so long for me to reply - I went to a meeting of Sydney Researchers on the weekend and, due to the amount of red wine consumed, was a little ... er ... aah ... tired?
But I'm back in the world of the living again now - and so pleased that you are getting out and about and renewing old friendships - I think that's the way to go - change your life and it will change you

Keep up the good work.

that it will definitely do, change your life....have been very thoughtful, not quite sure what it is accomplishing right now, but it is working for me...just letting things go... oh yeah the sydney meet..did it go well, too much red wine, the hangover drink. i never got into wine, would drink it if i had to, when i was a drunk, but i prefered hard stuff. going in to see some performance poetry tonight, a friend of mine has organized it..check it out anyway. take care hope the head is much better wildiris

Once again, apologies for the delay in replying ... Damned Real life keeps getting in the way

The Sydney Meet was terrific - if you check The Post on Thursday you should be able to read a report about it. <./>ThePost </.>

How did the poetry reading go?? I am so pleased that you are getting out and about Keep it up - it will do you the world of good

actually missed the poetry reading...was online too long. my friend was disappointed, but i drew him a picture, i hope that he appreciates it. yes i have been getting out, but with a balance of taking care of myself, and working on my soul. im glad that you have replied. i have an interview today, for a cooks job, but i have been looking into getting a grant for my painting...gotta follow my dreams..cant live for anyone else anymore, just myself....i am meeting with my ex tomorrow to talk...it should be interesting..she is allowing me to express my anger...how nice of her...still very cynical as you can tell, but i do have to do it or i cant move on. hope all is well with you, dont let too much of real life bog you down...if its work that is...actually everything is work... but do some things you enjoy doing as well, take care wildiris

saw your picture, and you look how i imagined you...i knew you were a man, 30 something, i hope...but i could tell that by the way that you type. i suppose that i type like a child, but can use big words sometimes... looking at how i type i mean. well it looked like you guys had fun...it is wierd sometimes to meet people that you chat with, did you know them all before this meet? take care wildiris

Firstly, I'm not sure what you mean when you say "you look how i imagined you" - I'm the one in the bag with the ? ? s - how can you tell if I'm a man or a woman from that ???
Yes, I met Platypus and Linus at the last meet - but all the others were first timers

Go for that art grant - you really should follow your talent - have a go!! If you don't now, you may miss the chance forever. You are right - now is the time to live for yourself - if you don't no- one else will

Good luck with meeting your ex!!!

what i meant was...exactly that...i knew that you were a man, that you were a confident person, and that you dont take life that seriously...you know how to have fun. well that is what i thought anyway...and your picture shows that as well...if that makes sense. the meeting went well, was able to let my anger out, and we were able to talk...she knows that she had made one of the biggest mistakes in her life...and i as well, behavioural wise, and we are going to try and communicate, and see how that goes for now...i am not going to put much faith in it right now..still trying to find myself, and be comfortable with myself, and pursue my dreams....make something of myself... for me...thanks for the words of encouragement all the time..you have really been helping me get though this bump in my life, just had to let you know that i appreciate that...has the work slowed down for you? i watched the amazing race last night and they were in australia... beautiful country i will get there in my life..always wanted to go. take care wildiris