h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, you wouldnt guess he was 40, we're lucky to age very well in this family...

20th May (oooh, my favourite ex-husband's birthday!)

Now this is very tricky. The Tap Nazi told me something very exciting tonight, but he swore me to secrecy, so I can't really reveal all here on a public space

Suffice to say I have to work very hard at my acting classes

Tonight the director was there for a "Watershed" i.e anyone who really wasnt getting the dance moves was cut. But everyone was too good, and so no-one got dropped.

We started using hats in the Happy Feet number - as if canes and smiles weren't enough! And he went through an awful lot of new material (because he's not going to be here next week. Suits me, neither am I). Actually I was flattered when he asked me if I could teach the finale in his absence, but the blond super-dancer will just have to do it! The eclipse in Iceland aint gonna wait....!

Thursday 22nd May.

Tired tonight, and I think it showed in my dancing. The chairman of the group was there, so we had to do a quick run-through of the 2 numbers before going into usual warm-ups.

Blonde super-dancer revealed that she danced professionally for 5 years . I dont feel so bad being jealous of her now.

Anyway, a week off now (although I'll be taking my shoes and the CD of the music to Iceland with me to practice!) I want video footage of me rehearsing on a glacier!

Monday 2nd June

Ooooh, weird class this one!

We started off, not with the usual warm-up routine, but with a chat from the choreographer on Mavis's solo part, and how he envisaged that. Then he announced that we all had to - individually - go on stage and improvise a routine

Talk about scary!

The music was a slow rumba based tune, and I was trying desperately to remember my flamenco arm movements and some Latin American steps, but once on stage facing 20 of my peers, of course none of this came back to me.

After the break, we went through the Happy Feet routine, but bringing in more acting to the dancing, e.g do it like you have a headache , or do it very shyly. I had him in stiches at my very realistic "Do it like you really need a pee" interpretation.

Dreamt last night that I was in a pairs dancing competetion, and we didnt win. The blond super-dancer was there doing some pole dancing. God, I'm viciously jealous in my dreams!

Tuesday 3rd June

Choreographer got stuck in a meeting so we had blonde super-dancer take us through the routines.

Worked pretty hard, concentrating on getting hand positions and stick moves correct. And finished half an hour early for a drink and a bit of networking, which was a good idea.

Wednesday 11th

Had a bit of a confidence crisis at last nights rehearsal. The 2 bits that I'm unsure of, he's now made more difficult! The single turn is now a double , and the ultra quick double-toe-brush bit in I Got Rhythym is now repeated on the other foot

But today one of the other girls suggested we all go out for a drink and a pizza after tomorrow's rehearsal, and I'm sensing Murder on the Dancefloor style "Who put the poisoned pepperoni on the pizza?" opportunities here


Mwahahahahaha!

Luckystar, are you sure these dance classes are good for you?

I'll let you know if I'm still alive after tonight!

Bit of a Tap Sadist last night!

Straight into Happy Feet - split into 2 groups, Group A do the number, then have a 2 minute break while Group B do it, then swap over etc.

THEN...handed out lyrics sheets. Lyrics? I said LYRICS!!!! Have these people heard me sing? Obviously not. This is not for Steppin' Out, but for a Revue in Septemeber, and we're going to perform ( yes dance AND sing ) Steam heat from The Pyjama Game

"I got (cluck cluck) Sssssss ssssteam heat"

After the break, did some serious slowed-down steps from the finale to get the leg lines right. I'm still having problems with the double toe (specially on the left leg), but it's getting better.

Didn't go out for the Poisoned Pizza -there was an EU Council meeting on so I had to go and schmooze with the Minister, journalists, union reps etc instead.

Sweet-talked the lovely Shazz into making this a Post feature

Acting workshop yesterday. Now, method acting may have its many critics, but suffice to say I did a very beleievable and instantly recognisable "12 year old boy waiting at bus-stop" (all Gameboy and snotty nose), and a stunning "Eating a Big Mac" complete with me taking everyone else's unwanted gherkins.

But my "watching a horse race " was not so good.

On with the dance practice - which in this heat is seriously hard work!

After last nights sadisim, I am reassured by 2 things:

a) Nobody can do that double toe tap. he can't do it half the time himself, and blonde super-dancer cheats and does a shuffle step!

b) I mentioned I was taking my daughter somewhere on satirday, and one of the girls asked me - harrified "You have a daughter?" to which I was able to reply "Yes, and a son!". I like to think she was horrified that someone so young looking (ahemhem) could be a Mom, rather than that a nutcase like me is allowed to have a family

Had a fabulous rehearsal last night. The heat is oppressive these days - over 30 degrees, and I just couldnt face putting on leotard and tights. Neither could many other people, as I discovered when I got there!

First half - Happy Feet. Finished the choreography, ran over it slowly several times, then did it to the music.

THEN.....he counted how many people he had. 2 boys and 16 girls. i.e. 2 groups of 1 guy 8 girls. And he wanted it on the stage

He started picking the "teams" (Oh, dear, awful memories of school gym class netball team selection). And I was dead chuffed when he picked blonds super dancer (BSD) and me first (well, after the 2 fellas of course) And we had a great time on stage, remembered all the steps, even managed to smile

Second half - Steam Heat. I've been having enormous problems just getting into this routine, but last night it all just clicked, and I was able to do it with a bit of sassiness and attitood. We'd reached the syncopated clapping section. There are times in a girl's life when you give thanks that your ex is a percussionist

I was so hyper when I got home!

Oh that acting is so hard! I hate it when he does the "bus-stop" one. last week it was "pick an age, and show us, don;t tell us, what age you are"

This week it was "pick an occupation"

Toyed with doing the tap dance routine as everyone would immediatley recognise it, then modifed that to fitness instructor, but someone else beed that so I dallied with saying "Good morning!" and beaming brightly at everyone as an air stewardess, but settled instead for drumming on my knees.

Misfortunately (ha ha) the halll was double booked and we had to stop at 4 istead of continuing till 6. So I mercifully escaped having to walk around the imaginary TV to close the imaginary curtains on the imaginary window.

Hmmm...tense night last night. It's almost casting time, so the director and choreographer spent much of the time huddled together over a notebook. What we wouldnt give for a pair of extendable ears!

I also overheard someone mention X as their choice for the lead role.

X was not me.

And the person speaking is very close to the director.

So that kinda punctured a little bubble inside me.

But barbecue tonight, before the final acting session tomorrow - definitely time for spiking the chicken breasts or lacing the salads with arsenic, methinks

Now, I'm trying to get a hold of the script, but it's proving very elusive...

Ended up very drunk at the barbecue (perhaps I was on the receiving end of some spiking myself!) and had to do the final acting workshop with a king-size hangover.

The main exercise involved standing on stage individually and "selling" a product. The snag was we were only allowed to speak in gibberish. (If they'd asked me to do this the night before I could have managed easily!)

I was sitting with those still waiting to have a go, thinking "I don't wanna do this. I really don't wanna do this. I could just walk out that door, and give it all up now".

But I hung on in there.

We finished up with the director calling various pairs to improv in the characters from the play that he has decided we are most suited to. The lead role appears to be between me and BSD. I'll have no nails left before he makes his decision and phones us!

5pm today got The Call.

As I suspected, it was between me and BSD for the role of Mavis.

And I was second best

So I'm not in it at all! This is hard to take, cos I know I'm one of the best dancers in the group, and I always thought I'd be in it somewhere. But sadly, the other characters don't really suit me so I'm out.

I'm consoling myself with the following:

1. I'm now lead dancer in Steam Heat
2. No lines to learn!
3. I get a walk-on 1-line part if I still want to be involved - i.e all the backstage crack and parties but with none of the hard work.
4. I don't have to fend off my paranoia about my stomach on stage in a black leotard and tights.
5. I can get my hair cut any way I like

But I also get to mull over a few conspiracy theories - mwahahahaha!

1. I'm not sleeping with the right people
2. I made an a$$ of myself at the barbecue.
3. It'll be "the usual suspects" who get the parts, with no newbies
4. Anti- Irish discrimination
5. I didn't bribe anyone

Got a lovely email and call from another "reject", who was flatteringly shocked that I didn't get a part. We're arranging a slagging off session sometime this week.

Had my hair done - mad gingery pixie cut with blond streaks

And hey - I don't have to do that awful double toe tap ever again

...but it's still gnawing away at me. It's like breaking up with a lover. I catch sight of my sad little black tights hanging on the clothes dryer, and shed a tear. Tuesday night comes along, and there's a hole where dance class used to be. I mentally compose an email to the chorepgrapher in the shower - and drop a jar of my bestest body scrub. A glass jar, of course.

And I play Sinead Quinn "breakdown" constantly.

I avoided Tuesday's rehearsal - hey, give me some time to lick my wounds, OK?

On Wednesday I swallowed my pride and emailed all the successful ones with a short "Good Luck" message. It's been...erm...interesting interpreting the responses.

Turned up on Thursday expecting just to do Steam Heat. But no, got told to stand at the front and demonstrate for Happy Feet. Grrr. So I still have to do all the bloody work even though I'm not in the show.

At breaktime the choreographer gathered us all together to talk a bit about how hard the casting had been. He said the most difficult had been the lead role - between me and BSD, who did get it. The Danish blonde who I've always had an irrational dislike of said very loudly "Oh!", in surprise at my name. At least now it's rational

Then he explained that in the end it came down to age. "Thanks very much, that's really comforting!" I burst out.

Honestly! Tell me she's a better dancer, tell me she's had more acting experience, but please dont tell me I'm too old