h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do you call a murderer who puts arsenic
in people's corn flakes?

Answer: a cereal killer.

Yes, I believe I've heard that before......

I spilled boiling hot gravy on my bare foot tonight...... the puns were flying fast and thick at dinner.....

I was asked if the meal would give us hoof and mouth disease..... the gravy had a lot of sole.... dinner was under foot..... I can't remember what else they said.

Hmm... I seem to remember the "secret ingrediant" being foot... (though that's not really a pun)...

A snail walked into a car dealership
and asked for the fastest car on the lot.
The salesman was puzzled. "Are you sure
you can handle a car with that much speed?"
he asked.

"Do not jump to conclusions just because I am
a snail," the snail replied. "I want to live
life in the fast lane. Now, I see a nice
zippy red sport car over there that would
be just perfect--if it can go fast enough."

"Oh, very well," the salesman said, remembering
how big the commissions were on that model.
"Is there anything special you'd like, like
a moon roof, heated seats, etc.?"

"Just a license plate with a big 'S' on it."

"Why do you want an 'S'?" the salesman wondered.

"'Cause when I go out for a spin, I want people
to see my car, and say, 'Look at that S car go!'"

(Escargot )

But of course....


You auto be punished for that one...

Terrorist groups are becoming more specialized.
There's one that prides itself on extreme frugality.
Their motto: "A mine is a terrible thing to waste."

Echoing them is a terrorist group maded up of
fat individuals. Their idea of suicide missions
involves eating themselves to death. They eschew
mines altogether, especially around the waist.
Their motto: "A waist is a terrible thing to mine."

Why do like birthday
parties? Because they enjoy singing
"Happy Birthday to Ewe!"

Have you ever had such an appreciative audience before?

No. I can show you pictures of the
aftermath of my telling one pun too
many at the New York Meet-up last November.

My topic for today is symmetry.
Today is Memorial Day in the U.S.
It is a day when we visit symmetries
and put potted geraniums next to
gravestones.

I've seen the picture.....

So did you actually visitate a symmetry? Most people don't bother, you know......

*currently suffering from a serious pun deficiency*


~not really, but I wanted to bring this thread to the top so you'd see it again.~

I love puns, and Paul tells some good ones.

He sure does!

Well this sounds like a lot of pun...

For really corny puns, you need
to go to Punxatawny. It's in
Punsylvania, near Pencilvania
(which was founded by William Pencil)

Not in the middle of the corn field?

Paul, I'm beginning to think you may have converted Shea to the way of Pundom.... I've seen some good ones by her lately!

Yay!!!

Two Native American dwellings were talking one day:

"I'm a teepee!"

"I'm a wigwam!"

Just then a brave walked by, heard them talking and said "You're just two tents"





(Say it outloud)

Okay, Lady Scott I will:

It out loud.