h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

do you have force powers?

I think so. I've injected myself a retrovirus that will deliver midi-chlorians into my cells... It should have begun working by now.

Only problem is, I don't know how to use them. Though everything is odd and shiny now.

You're very... dark red, all of a sudden.

- Jordan

they would seem to be working. do you know any forms of meditation?

Not really - my brain is productive even when I'm asleep! Though I can induce a state of relatively low activity for a time. Problem is, even then my mind is subconsciously making connections and generating ideas, which are immediately sent to the conscious mind if they are considered important enough (which they generally are), so I don't tend to remain in such a state for long.

It's the price of being a supergenius, I suppose...

- Jordan

I think the easiest way to do this would be to download the ability into your concious

I suppose that might work...

[Awaits transmission.]

[Thinks for a second.]

[Instructs his computer to destroy the latest buffered copy if their mental activity deviates severely from the expected course - just in case]

- Jordan

*Slaps Jordon upside the head, in the process leaving a computer node on his madula. The computer node bores a nano-meter wide hole into his bone and inserts a nano-wire which embeds itself. The node starts downloading various Sith abilities into his brain*

[Notices that his bright blue glow is being supplanted by an eerie red one...]

Wow, I never knew there were so many useful things a Sith could do!

Watch me levitate that building!

[A building directly accross the street is torn from its foundations, lifted several metres of the ground and replaced slowly.]

This is so cool...

- Jordan

that's nothing!

*HDS looks at the building, purses his lips and makes a sucking sound, the building implodes into a force storm (essentially a black hole)*

Let me try!

[Carefully implodes another nearby building.]

These are the funnest things ever!!! Where did you learn this?

- Jordan

The Sith soul transfer and the force storm I learned from Palpatine. The Insect soul transfer I learned by being an insect

Wow... I use to think the only value Palpatine had was as a source of cash for my work, but suddenly he doesn't seem that bad...

And it's funny, but I use to be afraid I would be corrupted by the dark side. I mean, what a joke! I feel brilliant now!!!

- Jordan

that all powerful feeling seems to change one's mind about the "Oh gods, not the dark side!" brain bug

Wonderful! I feel so liberated! And to think I use to care about other people... I mean, who are they compared to my awesome power!

Incidentally, would you like to engage in a killing spree, or is it better to keep these things 'low par' until you're ready to implement a coup?

- Jordan

I leave that up to you. It depends on your objectives

World domination seemed like a pretty good one... Though the new me wants to take over the universe.

But most of all, I hope that ultimate power won't change me.

- Jordan

it won't