h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How to intrigue. Be new. Post once. Be poetic.

You *are* safe here. Some are working to make you and everyone else safer. Some just come to play. That is as it should be.

Welcome.

H.
Intrigued.

Go raibh maith agat Hoovooloo.
i am not really new. i have been watching for a long time but have only signed up just now.
What does Hoovooloo mean please?

In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", a "Hooloovoo" (L first, then V) was "a superintelligent shade of the colour blue".

I spelled it wrong, and the spelling stuck. People call me HVL for short. I don't know what else to tell you because if you've been watching for a while, you'll know, and in any case you can find out anything you need to know by clicking on my name. Try it - I'm hoping there's at least one thing on my page, or one Entry I've written which will make you laugh. Try "The Compression Lift Paper Plane". I guarantee it works.

On the other hand, *what are you*? Intrigued was a bit of an understatement.

H.

i do know. You are one of the people who care.

it does work. wow.

a changeling.

You're welcome.



H.

You don't *have* to talk. But since you have a name, and a voice, it would be a shame.

I don't *have* to listen. But I shall. I shalln't judge. I shalln't doubt. I am one of the people who care.

Ignore me if you like. Or not. Your call. Hope you like it here. There are *plenty* of people to talk to.

H.

Please forgive me - I didn't mean to butt in - I have several windows open and managed to post that comment in the wrong one.
(That's horribly easy to do - as you will no doubt soon discover Ban Sidhe)

The comment stands though.
And I'd like to add my voice to Hoovooloo's. There are plenty of people that care, and we'd like to become your friends if you'll have us.

(And we won't pry. Or judge. Or run off in shock. We understand. Some, at any rate.)

the changeling was beaten every day. sometimes more than once a day. sometimes even undeservedly. over the years people who didnt really know her sometimes took pity on her because she looked like a little pale fragile elf with big sad eyes but if she was ever seduced into trusting them they inevitably betrayed her and she would be punished severely.
there were two or three people who did care but they could not do much else than care quietly because they were on the margins themselves. they are still alive and as much as it is still within the power of the family to hurt her it is even more in their power to hurt these people. it would also hurt these people to know some of the things that happened.
she does not want them to be hurt and neither does she want the people who know her public persona to know what is behind it so please forgive her if she does not answer your questions about identity.
she is sorry to seem mysterious. she desperately needed to say something and did not dare let the public person say it and besides that one is a carefully cultivated ditzy blonde type that has had so much practice at getting things wrong that now she always does it even when she tries not to. and then she wanted to answer you but she couldn't get on here.
thank you for caring.

You're welcome.

I ask nothing of you - indentity, information, silence, sound.

Talk, or not. If you do, I'll listen. If you don't, I won't mind.

I've been warned not to hurt you. This warning was unnecessary.

Understand that I cannot be hurt, so give that no thought.

You have found a place that *can* be safe. But please - be careful. Not everyone here is what they seem, or who they claim to be or not be. I never change my name, and I have only one. It is mine, and I am known by it. I speak only here, so you can see everything I say. Know me by that.

H.

of course you can be hurt dear. deeply. be careful with that protective shell. it is vital but if you hide in it for too long it becomes too thick to break when you need to get out.

the warning was indeed unnecessary. a person who says who says what they feel without trying to dissemble is much safer than one who constantly manipulates those around themselves while pretending to care for them.

why do people feel the need to pretend to care? three people came to the bansidhe space and said "you are loved" to someone they had never interacted with who they would not could not love if they knew. why the need to dispense counterfeit saccharine?

>Not everyone here is what they seem, or who they claim to be or not be.<
it is too easy for people unused to deception to reveal so much of their outer selves in this place that their identity would be obvious to anyone aquainted with them.
if someone needs to tell their story while remaining anonymous they would need to speak with a differnt voice. this does not mean they try to deceive. merely protect.

be gentle with yourself

>of course you can be hurt dear. deeply.

I can only be hurt by what is real. You and everything here is easy to separate from the real - it cannot touch me at all. Nor need I be real to you. I'm just some words on a screen. I'm a very clever computer program, which can make you think I'm human. Not real at all, really.

>be careful with that protective shell. it is vital but if you hide in it for too long it becomes too thick to break when you need to get out.

I never need to leave, and the shell is not thick, just slippery. Nothing sticks to it. It fits me like a second skin so close someone would never know it was there, until they try to hurt me and see their blow slide past.

>the warning was indeed unnecessary. a person who says who says what they feel without trying to dissemble is much safer than one who constantly manipulates those around themselves while pretending to care for them.

Agreed.

>why do people feel the need to pretend to care? three people came to the bansidhe space and said "you are loved" to someone they had never interacted with who they would not could not love if they knew. why the need to dispense counterfeit saccharine?

To remind you that you are, by someone, possibly without even realising it. And to tell you that there is love here for you, if you want it. There's nothing counterfeit about what those people are trying to do. They are genuinely concerned to spread happiness, even though the impetus for doing so was an event of deep sadness. They usually succeed. I'm sorry if their honest attempt to connect with you was not welcome. Is mine?

>Not everyone here is what they seem, or who they claim to be or not be.<
>it is too easy for people unused to deception to reveal so much of their outer selves in this place that their identity would be obvious to anyone aquainted with them.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A659540

>if someone needs to tell their story while remaining anonymous they would need to speak with a differnt voice. this does not mean they try to deceive. merely protect.

Protect, then. And tell, if you like. But please understand, I am probably not the best person to tell to. You be the judge. But there are many here who are better than me at this.

>be gentle with yourself
You too.

H.

the ban sidhe are naive stupid and very gullible

"la plus ca change, la plus la reste la meme chose."

(moderators this means the more things change, the more they remain the same)

sorry did not see your reply. thought you would not wish to speak to us.
we know you and the rest of the world are just a figment of our imagination. we suspect we are just a figment of - no hang on a minute

still be careful.

sorry. misunderstood. thought they were just like those people who hug you in the street and say "oh you poor darling" when you were not even aware there might be anything to warrant that and then turn round and stab you in the back while you are not looking.
if they are lovely people they deserve gratitude.
every honest attempt to connect is welcome. only mockery designed to hurt is not.

the moment passed. the thread which prompted the need to comment moved on. but we are here now. we can fade into the background and become an old researcher that no one remarks on and no one connects with the public one.

better than you at what? nursing sick puppies?
why is there not a smiley?

you said hello that was all. you would never have said hello to her. she rubs people up the wrong way. sometimes deliberately.

you were curious and we did not want to be dishonest.

you too are intriguing.

and then you seemed to be in pain.

we have always been suckers for strays

we have no desperate need to bare our souls Hoovooloo. just a swiftly passing urge probably brought on by too little sleep or compression of the blood supply to the brain

at the moment we feel very gullible and stupid and not a little svared but there again that is completely in character.

try not to pull a muscle laughing

svared?

Russian?

>sorry did not see your reply. thought you would not wish to speak to us.

Why?

>we know you and the rest of the world are just a figment of our imagination. we suspect we are just a figment of - no hang on a minute



>still be careful.

You too.

>sorry. misunderstood. ...if they are lovely people they deserve gratitude. every honest attempt to connect is welcome. only mockery designed to hurt is not.

There is a little of that here. Choose not to hear it. Click "unsubscribe".

>the moment passed. the thread which prompted the need to comment moved on. but we are here now. we can fade into the background and become an old researcher that no one remarks on and no one connects with the public one.

Possible. Wise?

>better than you at what? nursing sick puppies?

Just talking, without making stupid jokes every five minutes in a vain attempt to lighten the mood when it's not welcome. That's what my Warning was for. I don't know when not to joke.

>why is there not a smiley?

I'd make a joke about bulimia here if I could think of one. See what I mean?

>you said hello that was all. you would never have said hello to her. she rubs people up the wrong way. sometimes deliberately.

"her"? Don't.

>you were curious and we did not want to be dishonest.

OK.

>you too are intriguing.

Thank you.

>and then you seemed to be in pain.

No. Not pain. Something else. It doesn't have a name.

>we have always been suckers for strays

I'm not a stray. I live here.

>we have no desperate need to bare our souls Hoovooloo.

OK. Me neither, as it happens.

>just a swiftly passing urge probably brought on by too little sleep or compression of the blood supply to the brain

Let it pass, then. You'll probably feel better. And sleep. That usually helps.

>at the moment we feel very gullible and stupid and not a little svared but there again that is completely in character.

Don't worry about "gullible". Barnum said "there's one born every minute". Don't worry about "stupid". It's just a way you feel, and demonstrably not the way you *are*. And "scared" will pass. You're safe here. That's all.

>try not to pull a muscle laughing

I joke too much. And I laugh. But not at you. With you perhaps, if we find something in common which makes us do that. But never at you. I don't go in for laughing at people, because it happened to me too much as a kid. Those "funny" home video shows usually just make me wince in sympathy while the audience cackle at the funny man who's fallen down.

Anyway, I've said too much.

Try sleeping. You'll probably feel better. I'm going to try it.

H.

Please be still here.

H.

only just. isp's servers have been down all day

cannot talk now. typing not good idea at moment. hands have gone

thought you might like this. (thanks be to ~jwf~)


> My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.
> My mother is typing this for me, because I can't.
> She is crying. The reason she is so sad is
> because I'm so sick.
>
> I was born with just a head, no body. It doesn't
> hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors
> gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled
> with leaves. The doctors said that was the best
> they could do on account of us having no money
> or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant,
> but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work
> because she said nobody hires crying people.
> I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my
> burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even
> though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her
> sneeze and chafes her real bad.
>
> I hope you will help me. You can help me if you
> forward this email to everyone you know. Forward
> it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen
> said that for every person you forward this email
> to, Bill Gates will team up with Disney World and
> send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA
> will collect prayers from school children all over
> America and have the astronauts take them up
> into space so that the angels can hear them better.
> Then they will come back to earth and go to the
> Pope, and he will take up a collection in church
> and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors
> could help me get better then.
>
> Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball.
> Right now I can only be third base. Every time you
> forward this letter, the astronauts can take more
> prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer
> to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad,
> and I want a body. I don't want my leaves
> to rot before I turn 10.
>
> If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy
> says you're a mean and heartless b*****d who doesn't
> care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says
> that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own
> guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow
> horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind
> of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin'
> minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can
> feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless
> nine-year-old boy?
>
> Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish
> I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could
> hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its
> turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
>
> Thank You,
> Billy Evans

hope that was not too sick for you.

will be back when fingers and isp both work properly