Journal Entries
Maarch 9th
Posted Mar 10, 2003
My oldest brother drove from Toronto today in order to take me out for lunch. There are only a few restaurants in town so we went to one of my haunts- a pub I used to work in- We demanded Eggs Benedict, made the cooks day and feasted. We then embarked on a walk upon one of my favourite local nature trails. I surprised him, by giving him all sorts of details about our surroundings. We grew up in Toronto and he was surprised that I've become such a knowledgeable person in the nature field. The weather was warm- -10C- Today was a good day. I threw most of my cares away and simply enjoyed the moment. Douglas is coming back on Friday to pick me up in order that I may go to the studio of one of Canada's foremost quilt artists ( a friend of his) She actually wants to see some of my work. A true ego builder- which I need right now. I'll spend the weekend with him and have dinner with his wife's Chinese Canadian family, gorgeing myself on trueley fine ethnic food! I'll attempt to not worry about the possibility of WW111 breaking out in my house during my absence.
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Latest reply: Mar 10, 2003
March 5th
Posted Mar 6, 2003
The "Flash Freeze" occurred, the birds aren't visiting my birdfeeder outside my window, the thin layer of ice on the lake is back and I've given up on snow shoveling! Last night we had an additional 20cm of snow and there is more to come. Inside the home tension previls over rational calm. My daughter is continuously flip floppingbetween the Bride of Frankenstein and Snow White. Peter is in a state of perpetual pain and Morphine and I'm tdrying to go about daily routines with a semi-smile on my face. If one more person downtown in my VERY small community saays "Haaave a Good Dayor asks How are You" I'll lose it! and give them a touch of reality. Today was a "Snow Day" which means there wasn'td any school because the busses wer'nt running. I came home from an appointment at a Breast Clinic in a community down the road from me, feeling tired and drained because of a re-check for possible Breast Cancer. I walked in the door to find a hous full of kids, some of whome wer'nt mine, invading my fridge and listening to music in my livingroom. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! OK now I've let that out. I'm calm now and will attempt to eat and possibly watch TV. Tommorrow is another day.
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Latest reply: Mar 6, 2003
March 3rd
Posted Mar 3, 2003
The Red Winged Blackbird froze and dropped out of the tree. I awoke Sunday to see a beautiful blanket of snow on the trees which melted in a few hours only to be repolaced aby an Arctic cold front which plummeted the temperature from +4 to -30 within 12 hrs.. The elders were right! Today is sunny and there is once again a thin film of ice way oout on the lake. Toronto had it's coldest March 2nd. in 150 yrs. Tomorrow is supposed to be +1C!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The birds and beavers are truly confused. Perhaps as equally confused as I am. Yesterday was truly a day from hell. My Manic Deppressive daughter had a major mood swing, destroyed tdhings in the house, made her 11 yr. old sister so anxious that she was sick to her stomach. Today I made several phone calls. !1- My daughter's Psychiatrist, 2- My therapist, 3- Legal Aid to find out my rights as a parent of a child who is not only emotionally abusive but is also physically abusive. A good friend of mine told me today that it's time for me to get angry and stand up for myself. My head says yes but my heart says "just tdry a little while longer" How does one separate one's head from one's heart as a mother? This is something I've been grappling with for a long time. The sun is setting, all is surprisingly quiet in the house at present, I hoipe that all will be quiet until I'm asleep but I won't hold my breath.
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Latest reply: Mar 3, 2003
March 1st
Posted Mar 1, 2003
There was a Red Winged Blackbird sighted in Toronto yesterday. These birds migrate in the fall as far as South America. It's re-appearance indicated that winter here is almost over.- Now, if we have another deep freeze, the bird is going to drop out of the tree haveing succumbed to hypothermia! In which case, I could only conclude that our native elders are far wiser than the bird! 
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Latest reply: Mar 1, 2003
Same Day
Posted Mar 1, 2003
Today was absolutely wonderful ( weather wise.) The sun was shining and because of that, it lifted my spirits. The weekend's prognosis is supposed to be the same. Yes- I'm desperatley trying to be positive amongst a sea of negativity. In short, I'm really not doing very well. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything negative go away in my life but !!!! I'm trying soooo hard and I feel as though I'm losing the battle. I just want to curl up into a ball and make all of my pain go away. I'm so afraid. Peter is slipping away, I can't so anything, I'm afraid of being here without him. I'm trying to find the inner strength to be there for myself, Peter and a Manic Depressive daughter . The so called "Rock" is cracking up!
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Latest reply: Mar 1, 2003
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