h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A Californian Congratulations on YourMaths Success!!!

I'm so glad you're doing as well as you are, because I know it's not easy in the least!
To be so near to the culmination of your tussles with Maths must be such a relief.
I'm sure you'll do quite well in the November exams, too!!!

Your day did indeed sound busy. It's good to see you unwind here at h2g2!

My day was fairly uneventful(nice for a change). I just got caught up with mountains of correspondence and chased my around the pool when she insisted on pushing the keyboard shift button a few too many times for my comfort.
Keep those cybernetic guard dogs at the ready!
About those recent fires around here...the police have taken in an arson suspect today. Apparently he tried to start another fire this morning not too far from my home.
What do Kraalons do to unscrupulous individuals like this?

Anyway, I enjoy your rhymes a lot!
I used to compete in "atrocious couplet competitions" at university but only came in third one year but that could be good or bad, depending on how you looked at it!

So what does your finished bathroom look like?

Kraalon policy regarding criminals is one of absolute intolerance, even if the criminal has psychological or behavioural problems or has been in the world of crime since adolesence, and as a result all criminals on Kraal receive either one of two sentences - life imprisonment or death. Sounds harsh? Well the Kraalons are not known for their nice or sympathetic side, which is why when they created the cyborg warriors such as me, they tried to imbue them with more pleasant and tolerant emotions and feelings.

Thank you for having the confidence in me to say I'll get through the Maths exam and come out of it with a nice grade. The exams, of which there are two, one non-calculator and the other with-calculator, are on November 12th and 14th, so that's in just over a month's time. My coursework deadline is the end of October.

I've always enjoyed writing (as you have probably already gathered) and love writing short stories, TV scripts or poems. I've got a folder with all the poems I've written over the years, and have meant to enter several local poetry competitions, but have never got round to it. I'mm too busy at the moment with the coursework, exams and university application etc. However, I do try to write as much as possible in my free time.

The new bathroom has nice pale grey tiles on the walls, a smooth white ceiling with a large oval light in the centre, a window on the far wall, a white sink and a white toilet fairly close together, and an oatmeal-coloured floor with raised bits on it to avoid slipping and glittery bits added in to give it a bit of sparkle.

The shower itself is in the far corner, all chrome edges and transparent glass about 8mm thick. It's almost bullet-proof that glass!

I wish those Kraalons were involved in dealing with Californian arsonists!
Arnold Schwartzenegger should consult with them!
I feel like I'm living in some sort of comic book-my governator is Arnold!
Surely this must be some kind of cruel joke!
Sorry, sometimes the comic reality of it all strikes me rather unexpectedly.
Don't know if I should or !

Yes, your of writing is quite evident. I think you'll do quite well since you have a natural feel for it and a passionate enthusiasm for scriptwriting. Those are some awesome strengths to nurture and develop. I've known very successful screenwriters who have less natural aptitude than you have already go on to brilliant careers in the business.
I'll always encourage you to keep that passion alive!

Your new bathroom sounds like it's futuristically kitted out for a cyborg! How very fitting!

this is taking so long to get to you. The tried to turn the computer off!
*sigh* Another chase around the pool...

That's okay about your computer being turned off by the cat, I have three cats of my own and know how annoying they can be sometimes, but remember the cat doesn't understand what will happen if it walks across the keyboard or puts it's paw on the "power off" button. I'm quite sentimental about cats and I fully understand why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as gods. I know I worship my three like gods!

I was quite surprised too when I saw on the news how Arnold Schwartzenegger had been accepted as Governor of California. My dad actually came up with a very good joke about George Bush meeting Arnold for the first time (we Brits tend to have this feeling that Bush is very thick and can't speak in proper English you see). When Bush meets Arnold he says, "I particularly enjoyed watching you in 'The Radiator'!" (That's instead of 'The Terminator')

Anyway, thanks for saying you'll try and keep my enthusiasm alive!

If my were a goddess (heaven forfend...) she'd be the Hindu goddess Kali. Eternally destroying and giving life! A true force to be reckoned with!

Oh, Bush... what can I say besides my usual disclaimer: that I never voted for the . I have no idea what he's talking about or how he could hold so much *shudder* power in his clumsy hands. Sometimes I think we need a simian translator to get through some of his off the cuff comments .*I'm trying my darnedest to be positive* He is definitely amusing.I'm sure his mother loves him very much. He provides levity in the world of politics
...but why at *our* expense?.

*runs out of the room for a cathartic cry*

I'm going to bed now as it's 2.35 in the morning here and I have to get up at 9.30 in the morning to go to college. So I shall say goodnight and speak to you tomorrow sometime!

*sniffles*

I'm taking some pizzas that I made for dinner out of the oven

Have a pleasant recharge and I'll see you tomorrow!
Goodnight !

Heeelllllllooooo CYYYYYYBEEEEEERRRRRRHUUUUMAAAAAANNNN!!!

Are you anywhere about?
I've missed you and I hope all is well with you. I expect you've been really busy with the usual cyborg warrior missions that dwellers can only speculate about!

Guess who I saw on TV tonight?




No, not the governator...please, I can't bear another crying jag!

No!No!No! Not Dubya! Blast! When will the madness end...

Guess again!







That's right...Nickelback

They're doing their media publicity tour and performing "Photograph" at quite a few chat and variety shows. This evening's "Tonight Show" performance was a very tight harmonic display of balanced musicianship. The new drummer even showed off a set of fine tenor pipes that matched the high quality of the lead vocals. They used a tasteful amount of reverb effect to round out a strong, assured, driving sound that was aurally impressive.
They rocked!

Just thought I'd let you know that I enjoyed it.
They'll be on Friday night as well.

The has been suspiciously well behaved for some unfathomable reason. I think I wore her down with all those chases around the pool recently... but keep those cybernetic guard dogs ready, just in case!

I hope your day is wonderful!
Take care and I'll see you sometime soon!

Heeeeelllllooooooo Cynthesis!

How are you my dear friend? Sorry I haven't been online during the last couple of days, but I've been weighed down with loads of college work and my Maths coursework still needs to be finished as soon as possible. Also my Internet is playing up a lot at the moment and keeps crashing after only one hour of use, which means I have to keep restarting my computer and reconnecting with the Internet, so if I disappear quite suddenly and without warning you now know why!

I managed to buy the new album by Nickelback, called "All The Right Reasons," on the actual day that it was released! I was so pleased to actually be able to get it on the very day that it hit the shelves! I'm also a little bit disappointed because I read on their website yesterday that they were performing in London on September 20th and I didn't know about it!

I'm sure they'll be over here again soon. I'll keep my eyes and ears ready for any European tour dates!

CYBERHUMAN... you're back!!!

It's good to see you! I figured your absence was due to Maths, studies and computer problems. My computer has been acting up lately as well. It turned out to be server outages in my region, or so the company needlessly told me today!

Anyway, I did miss you and I hope everything else is going very well for you.
Noooooooooo! September 20th? Thats the pits. You're right, they'll probably be back in your area in the next few months or so!
How *did* you like the new CD?

I've been fine over here. Pretty much the same old stuff. A punishing session with the maestro this morning in Malibu. Appeasing the ravenous paleontologist big bro with vast quantities of comestibles!
Oh and scary encounters with lurkers on h2g2.
The guard dogs may need to be utilised...

I love the new album and I think Daniel Adair is an extremely good drummer. I haven't quite worked out if he's any better or worse than their previous drummer Ryan Vikedal, who I thought was absolutely amazing! I'll probably make a decision on that once I've really listened to the new album and let my analytical abilities do the judging and the deciding for me.

I have the cyborg dogs here ready and waiting to be used...

*a distinctly canine-like cybernetic growl comes from somewhere around CYBERHUMAN's feet*

Excellent!
Well, I was just sniffing about(read:Blatant Lurking)last evening, seeing who I was sharing threads with during the day, getting tips for my own page*uh-huh* when I had a peek at some friends lists out there.All pretty much normal, I thought... until I saw my- own- name on one! I'd never even talked to the individual! So, I thought I'd check the friends list of this individual to see who were on theirs and my name was listed on one of them as well! Freaky, yes? Rather rattled, I took time out to puzzle over this with some dinner. On a whim, I scorlled the Who's Online list and settled on a page and my-name-was-on-the-list!
So,yes, we are not alone!
(That guard dog is darned cute for being a heartless, killing machine. I'll try not to pet him!)
I posted to jaz'd(chap) last night and related the peculiar occurrences to him, hoping the lurkers would pick up on it and let them know that I know.
This morning 2 of them deleted my name from their lists and only 1(that I know of) retained me. I do, of course, realise that all of this is probably quite innocent stuff going on(ooh... I hope it is)but it does have a definitefreak out factor. It's put me off lurking, that's for sure!I'd much rather not know and get on with life accordingly.
What think you oh cybernetic one?
(ooh he wags his tail! Just a little rub around his cute metallic ears?)

I think that the best thing you can do is to go to the personal spaces of these people and just leave them a message with the simple question "Why did you add me to your friends list?" Don't say anymore than that and put a smiley at the end so that the question doesn't sound quite so negative or accusational. Then wait and see what they say in response to that question before deciding what to do next. If they don't reply to your question, then if I were you I would just leave it and they probably won't be any more bother to you. Some people I find measure friendship by the quantity of friends they have, and they believe that if they have over twenty friends then they must be a good person and are great to have around. But that doesn't always work, as it's the quality of your friends that matters more. I mean, you can have twenty so-called friends, but you can also have five best friends whom you like and trust a lot. Which is better, I ask you?

I feel perhaps I ought to tell you something about the cybernetic dogs that I have stored on my spaceship. They were also built by my creators, the Kraalons, and they have quite solid and round bodies with long legs, a thin neck, a pointed head with narrow ears, a long thin tail, small yellow eyes, a black snout and razor-sharp teeth. Their bodies are covered in an incredibly thin and flexible metal 'skin' that can move almost as freely as human skin, and their skeletons are made of solid titanium metal rods and plates that make them almost impossible to destroy or even injure. Their claws and teeth are also made of titanium, and can do an incredible amount of damage to both organic life-forms and solid objects. A short while ago I even witnessed one cyborg dog chew it's way through a solid wall in about five minutes flat! These dogs have senses far beyond that of a normal human being, and can hear, see and smell much better and more accurately than the dogs found on Earth. They are also extremely strong and resilient, and can chase their target for five hours without stopping or even resting! They also are automatically programmed to detect any organic life-form as an enemy, but I have re-programmed the dogs to recognise you as a friend instead of an enemy, otherwise they would probably bite your hand off if you tried to stroke them!

Very good advice oh esteemed cyborg!
What happens if I've done my research on one of these individuals(who knows if there are more) and I found them to be a bit 'intense' in terms of personality, and would rather just steer clear for now?
I love the friends that I have now and feel very comfortable and blessed having them in my life. No, I've never been into quantity friend collecting, although I do like diversity and good natured mutual respect.
In RL I have thousands of acquaintances and have learned the value of trusted close friends. I will take your advice to heart and we will see what transpires in the next few days. Thank you dear friend!

Thanks for reprogramming the cyborg (ooh does he have a name?)to recognise me and keeping him at the ready.
I feel much safer now!

It's awfully late where you are! I'd best let you get ready to recharge! Hope to hear from you tomorrow(depending upon that blasted stubborn computer of yours!)
So goodnight and sweet dreams cyborg warrior!

I am going to bed now actually, so I shall say goodnight and speak to you tomorrow sometime!

I would say that you should definitely ignore the one with the 'intense' personality and not bother him or her unless they start bothering you.

The cybernetic dog is called Jek and I have given him instructions to be your personal guard dog. So nobody in their right mind should bother you again - his teeth are sharper and more powerful than a Great White shark's!

Goodnight!

Hello CYBERHUMAN!

How has your Saturday been?
Mine has been fine. After doing yoga this morning, I went for a swim and started wondering.
Is Jek going to be all right being this close to the water? He stays close to me at all times...watching my every move.

We were watchingNickelbackperforming on TV last night. I looked over at him by my feet and the lights of his yellow eyes were flickering to the beat of the music!
Is that a standard Kraalon guard dog feature or something you programmed into him
It's one surprise after another figuring out cybernetic creatures!
I know... some things could never be adequately explained in simplified jargon to satisfy an dweller's meagre capacity for understanding.
But I do appreciate all of the endearing features I discover along the way!

Hope you'll soon be able to take a break in the fierce on-going battle raging between you and Maths coursework.
Here's a big portion of and an ever hot to enjoy when you do!
Take care and see you later!

Hello Cynthesis!

How are you today? I'm doing very well thank you and have managed to make quite a lot of progress with my Maths coursework today, which is good news because I'm right near the end of this dreaded coursework now!

I think the static from the television might have been affecting the optical implants that allow Jek to see, and if you like I can install a small device no bigger than a microchip into him that will prevent his optical implants from flickering like that again. The procedure will be quick and painless I assure you.

I've been looking this evening at several websites all about ghosts. It's a subject that fascinates me and I do like to look at photographs of ghosts and read stories or eyewitness descriptions of encounters with ghosts. I have to say I do believe in ghosts and UFO's and other paranormal activity such as people who can see or contact the dead. I even believe in telekinesis and telepathy to a certain extent. The trouble with me is, looking at ghost photos or similar photos give me nightmares and I get a chilling sensation running through my body. I would love to see a ghost or a UFO or some other form of paranormal activity as it would confirm for me the authenticity of such things. My mum is something of a sceptic unfortunately, but I'm trying to change her mind! One of my best friends actually used to live in a house which she says was haunted, but alas my house is entirely un-haunted I think.

*looks nervously around, expecting to hear something strange or see something ghostly*

Hello...CYBERHUMAN?


All this talk of ghosts freezes up my blood!


I try to be logical in my reasoning most of the time but sometimes...
there are things one can not ignore when one encounters the unexplainable.

About 5 years ago, I stayed in a rather well known hotel in the Cotswolds.
Quite posh, wonderfully appointed in an historic well preserved setting.
I had unpacked my luggage and drew a bubbly bath in a lovely claw footed bathtub before dinner. I noticed that as the water filled the tub there seemed to be splashed water on the floor beside it. I reduced the flow at the tap hoping this would prevent wayward splashes. Soon there were daubs of bubbly foam alighting on the floor bath mat. I blamed jetlag on not being able to figure out the trajectory of the water tap and settled in for a nice soak. As I relaxed in the warmth of rose scented water I heard the unmistakable sound of water lapping at the side of the tub. The tap was turned fully off. I was motionless in the water. And yet...there soon were more sounds of lapping bathwater, followed by suds landing in dollops upon the bathroom floor! Yet, I had remained frozen motionless watching and listening to this extraordinary phenomenon. The action died down little by little and when I was about to stir... felt the unmistakable current of water around my body being displaced and scooped out by an invisible presence at the foot of the tub. As I hastily jumped out of the tub and into my bathrobe I s aw that the floor across the room was sodden where it had once been dry!*cue "Psycho" incidental *
I threw on my clothes very hurriedly and swiftly reached the reception desk. A manager soon attended me and listened to my account of complaint. He registered a patient albeit baleful countenance and said,"I'm very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you. We have had similar occurrences of the sort that you have brought to our attention. Although the last time this happened was, I believe, five years ago." He offered me a gratis room on another floor and attributed the incident to the attendant history of the building, which he did not care to elaborate more fully about at the time.
As I mentioned, this happened 5 years ago. I sympathize with the guest who might encounter the same mysterious uninvited bathroom visitor this year!

Sheesh.Now you know why I'm more comfortable taking showers these days.

Anyways, I'll tell you about my experience of staying in a Welsh hotel suite where a woman had committed suicide a month before I occupied it
and how logical explanations came to naught. But I'm too freaked out by telling you about that Cotswolds fright already!!!Good thing Jek is near.

Stay safe. But know we are not alone...

So scram all you lurkers!