h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am Master Lord Hjik, council Master of the Dark Lords of the Sith. His Divine Shadow, (who was my apprentice in his mortal life) tells me that you told him that I am a freak. Well, if the shoe fits. But perhaps you make judgements too quickly. Therefore, Jade, I challenge you to a duel inside the Temple of Shadows, home to his Divine Shadow. Though I warn you. It was I who created the Temple of Shadows for my former apprentice now equal in nearly all things, so perhaps you should like to challenge me somewhere else. In either case, the gauntlet hath been cast down, and your courage shall determine whether or not you accept.

His immortal self, Master Lord Hjik, The Walking Dead

His Divine Shadow is the final say on what does and does not happen in the Temple of Shadows.

And as to the apprentice business, BS!

It was I who consturcted the Temple of Shadows. Thus it is named after me.

And Hjik, you forgot your chain at my house

*raises an eyebrow*

Heh whatever, Hjik-kun. Apparently you haven't seen any of the battles I've been involved in. I'll gladly bloody you up, but it shall be in an arena of /my/ choice. And you will abide by my rules.

-Jade

We will see Jade, I am not one to be dictated to by anyone, let alone a woman with a big mouth. As for a place of your choosing, I'd choose not to meet you there considering you are likely to keep changing you mind. A priveledge enjoyed by the simple minded of the species. But, we shall see if perhaps your testosterone gives you enough clarity of thought to overcome your natural estrogen. We will see. . .

As for His Divine Shadow, he will not forget who teaches him things beyond this realm. . . .

*to HDS*
Antolle ulua sulrim. Ro naa haran e' nausalle...
e-mail me and I'll send a translation. You shall bemuch amused, methinks.

*brings herself to her full height and stares Hjik in the eye, looking very much disgusted*

Insults will not be tollerated, /specifically/ and //especially// sexist ones. I shall not battle you until you learn some manners. I am a lady of noble bearing if not birth, and you will treat me as such.

You come into my place seeking sport, and I would give it to you, but I shall refuse if you continue speaking of myself or my friends in such a way. I hope we understand eachother.

Ignore that last "" 'cause that was very much in character, that post was.


The rules go as such:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) No more than two weapons apeice, or none at all. (Any more than that and it gets a bit confusing, sorry boys.) If you have dual daggers or swords (or in HDS's case broomsticks,) they count as one weapon of the two that you are using.(They're mean to be used together and I can accept that.)

a) No breaking other people's weapons. If you wish to disarm them temporarily by kicking it away from them that's cool, but no aiming to kill, as it were.

b) If a person is effectively disarmed, they must keep that weapon completely out of play for three posts. (Makes things more interesting.)

2) No use of "limit-break" type magic attacks. (You know the kind: summoning a giant meteor down to slaythe inhabitance of the entirety of Tokyo. In my experience they are for wusses who don't know how to fight for themselves. No offence, but its true.) Here is a visual aid of what not to do. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/ff7.htm

a) If magic is used, keep it simple, as in small attacks (Think level one Chrono Cross-type magic spells.)

b) No healing. At all. (I'll smack you, I swear.)


3) The rules of continuity //must be followed//. Meaning that if I wanted to perform an action on someone, I would discribe it (the action), make sure the name of the person I was intending to attack was included, and wait for that person to say wether or not they have been hit. The entire thing would look something like this:

Jade: *aims a snap-kick at Mystrunner's left shoulder*

And then I would wait for Myst to decide wether or not if he was hit. See? It's very effective, and maked for longer battles. Yay...! (There are many ways to go about it, you can use whichever words you like, blah. They don't all have to look exactly like that post, but I'm almost certain that you knew that, so yeah.)

4) ///No leet speak///. Meaning no using numbers as a substitute for letters or words ("3" in exchange for "E" or "4" in exchange for the word "for."), or single letters as a substitute for entire words (such as "u" for you, etc.). I swear by numenor I will make you pay. (And no, I am /not/ joking, so please don't test me.)

5) Break any of these sunsequent rules, and your entire post will be ignored. Completely. And I will mroe than likely chastise you in a fairly Prof. Mogonogal-eque manner via . SO DON'T BREAK THE RULES! ...You'll get detention... or something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope that we're perfectly clear upon these, or I shall leave the battle forthwith never to return.

Let's get something completely clear here: I you are newbie, I am not. I have been doing this for quite a few years now (I've been on the guide for appriximately four years this comming April, so really it's true, not an exageration.), so I know how things are done. I am quite aware of the fact that I am a female, but that does not mean that I am in any way less intelligent than you are. (It's probably quite on the contrary, actually.) /You/ came to /me/ looking for a battle. I will humbly accept, but you need to 1) go by my rules, and 2) keep it in full good-natured fun. And may we keep it completely clear that I do not much like being insulted. Especially not for the fact that I am female. So that sort of thing will end, or so help me I will leave the battle before it's even begun. Let me make it perfectly clear to you that that was not in the least a very curteous post you put back there, and i am not going to treat it as such. You, at this point, have one strike against you, in both my book, and that of my characters. It would serve you well to show a touch more courtesy after this.

Oh, and before I forget, it would do you well to read this in full. http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/A940097 A few things might be cleared up for you.

You forget your place in the Divine Order Master Hjik, one does not instruct the brother of Eru. You should know that I merely take lesser forms, not that I am of them.

I would less concerned with where I learn what and more concerned with Jade removing your genitals, as you have enfuriated her greatly.

You know, I just had someone who is of a rather impartial party read that post of Hijk's, and he said that "I wouldn't think of saying that to anyone nearly as scary as you," I hope that makes quite clear my point.

Jade, you think that you are smarter than me, and that you have been doing this for a long time, and both of these things you think you are quite anxious to point out to me. As for my intelligence, I suggest that you do not take my jack-ass nature to be an indicator of anything, because as you will find that most people are not what they seem. Truth be told I'm not a Chauvenist pig, and I treat women with much more respect that men. But your arrongance and thinking of yourself as being dangerous is a ridiculous notion. I don't just live in this world, I live in the real one, where danger is real and a person really does have to watch their back. So to you Jade I say this, you are about as dangerous as computer that I can turn off any time that I want.

By the way, my name is Micah, not Hjik, and in my world, that name is feared far more than the name Jade will ever be feared in this one.

Hjik

Well that was a burn.

You speak of me as if I haven't a life besides this one, and you are of course sorely mistaken.

I have a life, I have a boyfriend, and yes, I /do/ get out every now and then. (In fact I used to have a column in the Guide's weekly post as a film reviewer because I go to the cinema so often. I no longer have the column, but I still go faithfully every weekend.) I take both tai chi and tae kwon do. I am also a fair hand at swordplay (generally I use light blades though, because I am a small girl, even when I wear my platform boots.) and also archery.

So suffice to say that it is probable that I could at least put up a /fight/ were we to go to that IRL.

As for you being curteous to women, you definately failed to show me courtesy when you barged into my site inquiring about a battle. So I sincerely doubt that.

Hello Micah, my name is Jade. IRL and here.