h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okey-dokey. What do I do?

*Just as the puppet of EC is about to get clobbered by Punch & Judy there is a loud and sudden }!fooP{ noise and who should be standing there with his hand on the third-puppets-strings than EC hisself? (: Ooh)

"Thankyou. Yes,-yes I'll be here all week!"
*A flock of s go flying out of his unbuttoned sleeve and then he has to jam his hat back on his head,- but it is too late, for a stream of s swoop out of the brim.*

Oopsy.

... Exactly as though nothing had happened to EC in the first place (pretty nice, huh?).

*foams at the mouth a little and falls twitching to floor*

"We just. Er-uh. you,- that is... oh-hello EC. We were just about to have a puppet show that had you in it; Would you like to watch?"
[Like this.] *indicates lever in back to fling a (tiny miniature) pie.*

I think he may require medical attention. Shall I fetch the ?

"Like this FF: you take Judy and have her hit Punch like this, here... and then"
*Mutters about getting out a 4th puppet (one of a small wizard to match)*
: "Hi-e-rybody_ I'm Thorn! Re-ani-ation sure make's(a) me thirsty..."
*Gets out a tiny pressurized seltzer squirting bottle*
"EC, I can't open it, can you help me?"
*Has the EvilClaw puppet squirt the Thorn one in the eye*

*Gets out a real antique pressurized seltzer-squirter bottle*
"No, I think that's quite alright."
}Wheesh!{
(i.e. Squirts EvilClaw in the face with it).

*stops twitching*

puppet: "Whuum... he looks like he got ...squirted."
puppet: "Is it serious?"
: "No my dear, this is a slapstick puppet show, of course not."
*Goes about boinking the other puppets on the knees with a rubber mallet.*
}boink{

"Very good FF... now we just slip a sheet over one of us (with eye-holes in it) and have the other sneak up behind EvilClaw to boink him on the knee,-"
*Holds up a real rubber-tipped mallet*

"...with this (to help dissociate the painful semi-conscious state-he had just been in, methinks."
y-ready?

}Boink!{

Why do I have the feeling EC is plotting horrible revenge?

*croak* oh i always am...

In that case...

*helps EC out of the goodness of her heart and not at all because of fear of reprimand*

[Oh boy, oh boy! Hypnosis time! Hypnosis time!]
*Gets out his long and well polished pockjetwatch*
"Just follow the watch EC, you are not a toad or a frog EC; You are a , not a ..." *repeat (as often as necessary)*

Moooooooo.

No, the one- who is, ->He who is super, no- you see, he is your pal...
*Repeat*

Woof.

You are not EvilClog...
}Thunk-thunk!{
You are...
[cue taiko kabuki drums]

.. .., .... .././. ...
..
..
..
.

[etc.]

"You are one who has wits and claw(s)... no, not a lawyer."

(Though somewhat clever @ negotiation, like one ).