h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now I'm slightly more sober than I was at the meet I can see just the one of you How you doing?

"Boo!"
Ah! You scared me. Don't creep up on me like that. I spilt my drink.

It wasn't drink that made you see two of me... that was my evil doppleganger (what a great word ).

After the h2g2 party I went home and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I was woken up to loud crash sounds and banging?! Turned out it was just my phone ringing at maximum volume. It was my friend Z. inviting me to another party just down the street. Well, why not? I arrived at 4:30 in the morning to meet up with 30 odd people drinking and dancing the night away. All in all a very good night- and one that didn't end for me until dawn.

How are you?

I'm very tired and slightly fuzzy as a result, but that's not a bad feeling, just don't ask me anything and expect a coherent answer.

I was staying in the same hotel as some of the other researchers and we managed (somehow) to find our way back there by about 01.30. Some of us even managed to get up for breakfast. I've traded the for a hot chocolate (for this evening anyway) and I'm planning on an early night *splutter* if I'm not on here until the early hours that is.

I just checked out your page.
So you're back in college... Studying what? Do you like it?
Wow! 72 replies to a journal entry. I don't know if I'm popular enough to talk to you any more.
Enjoy the hot chocolate.
What does 'Notahe' mean? 'Not a he' ?

"don't ask me anything and expect a coherent answer"
Well, I asked so I won't.

*takes a deep breath*

Here goes, I'll try and answer:

Back at college, training to be a nurse, whether I like it or not depends on what mood I'm in, what day it is, how many pints I've had, etc.

72 replies to a journal entry. I have? Shows how much I notice

Notahe means not a he and was added simply to stop the confusion as everyone thought I was a man. A more detailed imagining of how I looked, by one researcher who shall remain nameless, had me visualised as a Roger Taylor type person

What about you then? I need all the vital info. Shoe size? Favourite fruit? What w*rk you do and where do you envisage yourself in 20 years time? I think that's it

I really should go to bed. Just a few more posts

“everyone thought I was a man“
I met you and that was the last thing I would think!
Who is Roger Taylor?
My vital statistics-
Shoe size... 10 in the U.S. I think thats 9 or 9 and a half in the U.K.
Favourite fruit... orange is my favourite colour- does that count? I like banana milkshakes. I think its neat that New Zealanders are nicknamed after a fruit (Kiwis) and Brits too I guess (Limeys). Asparagus is my favourite vegetable (but I can sympathise with those that hate it).
W*rk... I do post doctoral research in Electronic engineering but my background is all physics and math. Sorry, but you asked!
In 20 years... *takes a deep breath*
Im on Mars trying to figure out how to get the bananas to stop curling up into a circle in only two fifths earth gravity.
No wait... Im yelling at the kids in the back seat of the beatup old station wagon “Dont make me have to pull over and stop this thing!“
No wait... Im at a meeting at the h2g2 corporate offices talking with the AI who thinks we should do away with the 3DTV version of h2g2 Post because that technology is so 20teens. He thinks Im an “old fuddy duddy“ because I refuse to go with the latest fashion in rainbow design body dyes . I threaten to pull his plug but he says he doesnt have one because he went bio-cybernetic last year.
No wait... Im listening to the latest SuperAudio CD by the Rolling Stones. The rest of the band are in wheelchairs but Keith Richards hasnt aged a bit, he still looks 103 years old. After that I might listen to HearSay Greatest Hits Volume 7 (by the way, my music taste is nowhere near this awful).
No wait... Im at my grandparents 85th wedding anniversary. My grandfather just had his 17th heart surgery but he still exercises 3 hours a day and flirts with every waitress. My grandmother still pretends shes deaf only to p**s people off (this one will probably come true).
No wait... Im telling my niece that just because modern genetics has made it possible, is no reason why she should have children with webbed feet and gills. How about something a bit simpler, like hollow bones and retractable wings?
No wait... Ahh go ahead wait- I could keep doing this all morning.

You may have noticed- the damn apostrophe key isnt working on this keyboard.

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

> Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

That's easy, on h2g2 of course I'm not entirely sure about the rest of life bit, I'm hoping that will just work itself out as I go along

Roger Taylor was/is the drummer from Queen. He's good looking (for an aging rocker) and has a voice that sounds like he's had 60 cigarrettes a day too many for the last 40 years. The only passing resemblance I can think of between him and me is in the video to I Want To Break Free when he dressed as a school girl with long blonde hair

Physics and maths I'm busy doing touchy-feely stuff in college at the moment, interpersonal skills, creative and alternative therapies, it's certainly different. We even have a lesson on massage this term!

And what is wrong with HearSay's music?

Just had to drop in and say...Roger Taylor good looking????!!! Land's sake the man looks better as a girl!!!!!

Zantic

I wish my job could flip back and forth- physics and math Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and touchy-feely stuff, interpersonal skills, creative and alternative therapies, massage the rest of the time. That would be great!

And what about your vital info?

1. Favourite fish?
2. Brussel Sprouts or Asparagus?
3. Bridget Jones or Charlie's Angels?
4. Red or white wine?
5. What CD's in your stereo?

'what is wrong with HearSay's music?' I don't know. I haven't heard it. Perhaps you could tell me.

*To find a picture of Roger Taylor*

Zantic - he is good looking, I mean, he's getting on a bit now so he's wearing well.

The touchy feely stuff has now progressed into an essay and presentation on music as therapy. Just after Easter we've got a whole creative workshop day: drumming, singing, dance, art. Do you ever have that feeling that somehow you've slipped into an alternate universe? Not that I'm complaining, it adds a certain surreal quality to my studies.

OK then, vital info:

1. Cod (I'm a traditionalist)
2. Sprouts (I'm a Robert Rankin fan)
3. Haven't seen either but I'm going for Charlie's Angels on the grounds that it's tacky, kitcsh and women with those hair styles need someone to vote for them
4. White wine (but I'd rather have )
5. The CD's in my stereo at the moment are The Best of Frank Sinatra and Goodnight Sweetheart (songs from 1930s/40s)

HearSay did an awful version of Bridge Over Troubled Water, my beloved sister played it on repeat when I last visited. What's in your stereo at the moment?

I think there is a guide entry on Roger Taylor.

I'm just getting a mental image of introducing music therapy, IPS and massage to physicists on alternate days I could just imagine the reaction: "John, I empathise with you on a quantum level, each of your molecules is special, let me give them a group hug" Now for drumming - "That's like acoustics, right?"

This post has been removed.

Now you're confusing me, is there any reason for the alias? Should I look concerned?

Robert Rankin is my favourite author and a believer that sprouts are greatly misunderstood time travelling commodities. Well worth a read.

Ah, I just like to sit down with a bottle of wine in the evening, forget the food. Unless of course someone else is doing the cooking Only partial credit for the Tsk! It's cask conditioned, local brewed, none of that fizzy, yellow muck

I haven't heard any of the music in your stereo perhaps you could explain. It's a good job I didn't have Rolf Harris' greatest hits in the stereo when you asked, that would have been embarrassing

Why did you decide to move to London? It's a long way from home, isn't it?

I accidentally posted from the alias, tried to change it, and now it ended up moderated! I think I'm going to give up on the whole idea of having a secret identity. I can never remember to keep them separate. I guess that means I wouldn't make a good superhero.

Just for the record, here's what I wrote.

'Do you ever have that feeling that somehow you've slipped into an alternate universe?' Yes. It started the moment I moved to London.
re: your vital info-
1. 2. & 3. I have no idea how to interpret this. They just seemed like nice questions. Who's Robert Rankin?
4. I think the correct answer was 'That depends? What are we having for dinner?' But you get partial credit for the comment.
5. Cool. I'm a fan of swing/jive and early rock n' roll.

My flatmate's CDs are in my stereo- Sonic Youth's Evol and something French. Plus one of mine, Mercury Rev's Deserter's Songs.

When I read your quantum mechanical group hug comment, I was at work. Everyone turned around because they heard me laughing!

Strange time rift now happening I read your reply before it was moderated and answered it (see posting 12). Did you 'yikes' yourself?

I'd give up on the alter ego if I were you unless you're prepared to wear underpants over your trousers and grease your hair back. That usually works very well I understand. No-one would notice you then

OK, Friends or Frasier?

And I tried to remove it before you answered. Superman never has these sorts of problems! You don't see him forgetting to take his Clark Kent glasses off. As for the underpants over the trousers thing, well, I think I'll make that my fashion statement this year. Maybe I can start a trend.
I changed your grades- you get full credit for the locally brewed, cask conditioned stuff. As long as I can get a .
Sonic Youth is this noisy punkish band from New York. One of the great things about them is that they write most of their songs by putting the guitars in weird tunings and then trying to find something listenable with it.
Something french was just that. I don't know exactly what it was, but it sounded french too.
Mercury Rev is this band that create some beautiful music.
I can send you some songs (tape, CD or mp3s) if you like.
Who is Rolf Harris? You keep giving all these cool references to stuff I don't know.
I moved to London for excitement, change of pace, and a dozen other reasons. I don't regret it one bit!

And finally- Friends vs Frazier - I'll go for Seinfeld if I can pick an alternative. If not, Frazier. Only because I can't stand Ross .
And you, singing or dancing?

I love the idea of Rolf Harris being a cool reference, that made me giggle. OK then, here beginneth the first lesson in absurd English culture. Rolf Harris is an Australian, move to England in the 60's, he's now about 70. He sings, he paints, he makes strange noises and he talks to vets. His catchphrase is: 'Can yer tell what it is yet?' and he regularly plays at Glastonbury. His most famous hits include 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down' and 'Two Little Boys' (Xmas no.1 in 1969!) He has a beard.

Haven't you given up warmth and sunshine for all the drizzle and wind of London?

I've not seen Seinfeld so I can't comment. I find Friends one of the most annoying programmes ever to have been created All the hype just makes me

Singing *or* dancing? Both I love musicals and a few years ago I used to love being in musicals. Now I have to content myself with Morris Dancing once a week and singing whenever I can.

Let me think... Town or country?

Town or country? Well, my answer better be town, otherwise I need to move. I remember when I was about 19 I thought it would be great to live near the centre of a big exciting city, like in Manhattan or the french quarter of New Orleans. I liked the idea of just being able to step outside to go some great restaurant, of walking around the financial centre and just feeling the buzz of people with lots to do, of always having a dozen great places to go, and soaking up the culture and cosmopolitan area. Now I'm in London and that's basically the case.
That said, though, I love landscapes. I went to Iceland a couple years ago and just loved the stark beauty of the place. It felt like I was walking on the .
Yeah, Friends can be pretty dumb. Seinfeld was something else though. It was an American phenomenon. There were a couple of years when you might meet someone and have nothing else to talk about, but you could still both laugh together about last night's episode. I'm sure restaurants lost a lot of their business from 8 to 8:30 on Thursday nights because everyone was watching Seinfeld. My best mate in the States is the biggest Seinfeld addict I know, and he can quote all the best lines and do impersonations. This is especially funny because he does it in an Ethiopian accent (where he was born).
But it takes a couple of episodes before you get sucked into it.
You were in musicals? Which ones? And you actually Morris dance?
I take Swing/jive dance lessons occasionally, and I've just started learning tango. I can't believe it, but I'm actually a bit of a natural at tango. This comes as a complete surprise because last time I went dancing there were a few people pointing at me and laughing.
So, Ali G or Graham Norton?

Graham Norton, no need to think about it. I can't stand Ali G, I just don't find him funny. What annoyed me more was sitting on the bus in the mornings while all teenagers on their way to school did Ali G impressions. Another thing that made me Graham Norton isn't as funny as he used to be though. Whenever programmes and commedians become mainstream they lose something. Strange thought: I wonder what a bus load of teenagers doing Graham Norton imersonations would be like

It's strange how different people's perceptions can be. You like the feeling of the buzz of people in cities. I find that buzz really impersonal. I've always lived in areas where people hold doors open for you, traffic stops to let you cross the road and everyone chats to each other. If you spoke to a stranger in a shop in London you'd get some very strange looks. I suppose I have the best of all worlds though. I live by the country but also by the sea. I'm also only an 1 1/2 away from London.

When I was at school I did the musicals that the music department used to organise. They weren't famous ones though. I used to go to church (before I became a born again atheist) and used to do a lot of musical reviews. The biggest production we did was a musical version of the Pilgrim's Progress. Some very talented members of the church wrote it themselves. It went from a small project to a huge success just by discovering volunteers with wonderful talents. It was really exciting to be involved in because it sort of grew as we went along. We all had a say in the production and direction so we all really felt a part of it. The plan was to break even (the overheads were large as we'd hired the hall for 3 days, complicated lighting rigs, sound systems, IT stuff for the computer graphics used, etc). Any money left over would then be donated to the Pilgrim's Hospice. The first performance was so popular, people were buying tickets on their way out for the other performances. We managed to break even and earn over £3 000 for the Pilgrim's Hospice. That's what I call a buzz

Yup, I do actually Morris Dance. It was something I'd always wanted to do so last year I joined a local side and I love it. It keeps me fit and I find it very stress relieving. It's a really social thing to do too. The side organises a lot of activities.

swing/ jive dance lessons. I love watching people dance and it's one of those activities I wish I had the time to do. I managed to learn a very basic waltz a few years ago. At the risk of sounding like my grandparents, dancing isn't what it used to be. There's no interaction if you go clubbing, not like other forms of dance. It's almost like people are afraid to touch each other anymore. I love Caleighs. You get to swop dance partners continuously and by the end of the evening there's few people you've not met. I called at a barn dance once, it was a girl's birthday party and while she was enthusiastic her friends weren't. I soon got them all warmed up by changing the instructions slightly on one of the dances. It was the heel and toe polka. It's a fairly slow and easy dance to start with and a dance where you dance with a partner. The men form a circle facing out from the middle of the room and the women stand opposite them. After each sequence the women move on one and swop partners. Part of the sequence involves a series of clapping with your partner. I got them all to do the final clapping reaching around behind each other. It soon broke the tension.

Favourite play?

Today's definitely a chat day at work. I wrote all this code in the last couple of days and now that its finally working all I have to do is click a button, wait a half hour, look at the results, then click a couple more buttons, wait a half hour, and repeat...

I used to go to this club in Atlanta where they'd play a lot of gothic and punk music (and one night a week they'd play Britpop and all the Southerners would try to act british ). Anyway, I hadn't been there for a couple of years and when I went back one night I had one of the most surreal experiences of my life. It was a lot of the same people, complete with a dozen piercings and dyed black hair etc... Only now the girls were dressed like 30s movie stars and the guys like 40s gangsters. Even stranger, the guys, who would ordinarily spit at their favourite bands were now politely walking up to the girls and saying 'excuse me, would you care to dance?' I thought this was so cool and bizarre that I had to find out what was going on.

What had happened is that a lot of the California punk bands had moved into ska. Now they had a horn section and they wanted to play something fast where people could still jump around. So they discovered Louie Prima, Benny Goodman, etc..., and put a 90s touch to it. Then the movie Swingers came out and popularised the scene around the States. So these people who were always into the latest underground music then discovered their grandparents tunes. This was okay because it still pi**ed off their parents! After all, this is the music their parents had rebeled against.

Yeah, I'd probably choose Graham Norton too. But I now realise he does the same routine every show, and its getting a bit tiresome. But the guy who does Ali G, Sacha Baron Cohen, can be really funny sometimes. There was one bit he did playing another character, Barat, where he met a rowing team. They were all lined up to meet him. He kissed all the men on both cheeks. At the end of the queue was a girl. When he got to her he just stood back and congratulated her. If you saw it you'd be rolling on the floor laughing.

Favourite play - The best production I ever saw was a college version of Fiddler on the Roof. It was the only time this group sold out their theatre and got lots of standing ovations. I really like Pygmalion/My Fair Lady, and I thought Equis was very good. Recently I saw some pub theatre (Alfie), and I thought that was cool. I especially liked the before, during intermission and after.

What's a Caleigh?
I'd love to see some Morris dancing. The only thing I know about it is from that skit on TriggerHappy TV. I'm not sure about some of the other stuff though. I've seen line dancing in the states, and it was very scary. Probably more because of the people doing it than because of what it was though.

Pub or wine bar?

A caliedh/caleigh/all the other many ways it is spelt is just another name for a barn dance. They are usually a combination of traditional English, Scottish and American dances. They are great fun and require no prior knowledge of the dances as someone stands at the front 'calling' and telling you what to do. I haven't been to one for a couple of years The are very energetic, a wonderful way to meet people, and the next day you ache all over. I did line dancing once. Dancing in rows is rather an odd notion.

How long have you been in England? I'm surprised you've not encountered Morris dancers yet. If you go anywhere outside of London over the May Day weekend you'll be guaranteed to see Morris dancing and perhaps even maypole dancing too, if you're lucky. Morris dancing and maypole dancing have their routes in fertility rites. They are still a traditional part of spring in England.

I'm surprised you even have to ask 'wine bar or pub'. Traditional English pub, not renovated to look trendy, cosy, decent jukebox, real cask-conditioned I'm in heaven just thinking about it. This time of year I love sitting with a pint in front of an open fire listening to some decent music. Christmas was good too, all that mulled wine.

What's the best film you've seen recently?