h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That Gina Ford makes me mad. What sort of parent would let their newborn lie there crying? It's child cruelty is what it is

Well I sort of agree but only up to a point. There are some things that I simply cannot do with one arm while holding spud in the other so have to put him down, so he cries. He seems to need to be held pretty much all the time and I am alone with him from 6am to 7.30pm, if I didn't occasionally let him cry I'd never get to have a shower and I'm only prepared to let myself get so whiffy before I can stand no more!

I've got a sling now so I can do some things, like sort washing, with two hands but still need to put him down if I'm doing anything wit hot liquids like cooking - not prepared to take risks with him.

But I won't/can't just sit and ignore him screaming. J can and we're already arguing about it - he got the more recent Gina Ford book out of the library so has Ideas about what we should do to establish routines but I think 3 weeks is too young. Anyhow we do have a sort of routine
8am get him up, change nappy, feed;
9.30-10.30ish attempt to get me up, dressed etc
11ish feed him, eat my breakfast and have a glass of milk during feed
12ish try to do things in the house that need doing
2.30ish feed
3.30ish try to go for a walk
5.30ish feed
6.30ish attempt to prepare dinner
7.30 J home
7.35 try to eat dinner
8ish bath him
8.30ish feed him and attempt to put him down to sleep - this fails
9.30ish give up in despair, hand baby to J and go to bed myself
11ish get woken, feed him
12ish, J to bed, sometimes extra feed, try to put spud to bed again, sometimes successful.
3.30ish, sometimes wake up for feed
5.30ish sometoimes wake up for feed. J up for work
8 begin again

Interspersed in there are around 10 nappy changes, lots of crying and soothing and occasional changes of clothes when he sicks all over himself (and me, but I don't usually get a chance to change). Sometimes there are extra feeds, and these all last at least 30 minutes - sometimes longer, it is all dependent on spud really.

I assume at some point I'll get used to all this......and be able to do things like go out a bit more often.

And when he becomes a sullen teenager you get to wonder why the hell you put up with all that!

Then he gets older still and I can go round his house and make a nuisance of myself And eventually move in to the attached granny flat

I think human babies like all other mamals kids feel safest close to their mother/parents - the smell, the touch, the body warmth. We are a flock/social animal - and even grown ups feel nice and safe when we cuddle up to each other.

As far as I know, as long as one doesn't have a language, one cannot reason: "Oh, they don't take me up when I cry, I must be doing it at the wrong hour, I'd better shut up and everybody will be happy!"

I think if you leave a kid to cry f. instance night after night to 'teach' it to sleep alone and without crying he og she may eventually not cry - but only because the child has given up on his or her parents and has a new strategy of survival.

I tried the sleeping alone not taking the kid up a couple of days with my first child - I've hated myself for that ever since. The other two we have had in bed with us for many years or in the same room.

In my experience everything works out and gets into a rhythm/rutine along the way - and you cannot speed it up by following strict systems - but maybe you feel, you actually *do* something about it.

Some kids are very much awake almost all the time - and the only consolation I have is that they learn when they are awake.

But it always seems that other peoples children form proper sleeping patterns much fast that yours.

Kelli, how about getting one of those... those... baby carriers (?) that you can hang either in front of you or on your back? Not sure how old the baby has to be though - but it'd leave you both hands free for some things at least.

Ah, found the info - the baby needs to be at least 1 week old...

That's a sling, Titania and I think kelli mentioned somewhere she now has one. I loved mine - but my back was so bad I could not use it as much as I wanted...

Kelli, one thing I have noticed is that some mums talk and coo incessantly at their babies. Eventually the sound of the voice calms them and the physical contact is no longer necessary.... my friend made a tape of herself reading and singing in a soft voice and she would put it on a low volume on a continuous loop for her little ones. It worked for her... thing is that all babies are individual and so are mummies (and dads) - so each of us could give you an example of something that worked... but you need to see what will work for you, J and spudling

He sounds like a feisty little man but you'll get your pwn back, trust me

W

For my brother my parents had to run the tumble dryer to get him to sleep... something to do with simulating womb noises.

You beat me to it, Mr. D! I was going to recommend putting the infant seat on the dryer or hoovering. The sound of the vacuum was always soothing.

My first one was very colicky and I used to strap her into the sling and walk around the house with her. I swear that kid had an altimeter. As soon as I sat down, the crying started. Stand up, silence.

I did exactly the same thing with each gruesome. And they are like chalk and cheese: #1 was a sleeper just about from the get go, and #2 is now 8 and still doesn't always sleep through (although at least now she's stopped coming into our room at 3am screaming and shouting)

#1 didn't mind me putting her down as long as I kept talking to her, #2 had to be with me 24/7 and wore me down to a gibbering wreck so that I decided to go back to work after 18 months.

#2 is now quite independent though, whereas #1 is very much a mummy's girl.

Swings and roundabouts I guess - but you'll find your way, Kelli.

As for the crying/leaving thing. Men can sleep through (or pretend to sleep through) a crying baby, whereas most mothers can't stand it. It's instinct, no mater how un-PC that is, and even non-mummy-types like me can't put up with it, even from other people's babies. (small children are a different matter)

Don't worry that you and J have different ideas - wait until Spud is big enough to play with: men and women have totally different ways of playing with children (most mums nearly have heart attacks at the "throwing up in the air" thing) and it doesn't hurt babies in the least to know right from the start that different people have different ways of doing things.

As long as you remember that at some point you have remember that you are you and not just Spud's mummy. But that's still in the future too.

Enjoy the smell of a sleepy, fed baby... it's just about the best thing in the world and I'm quite jealous

Burying your nose into a fuzzy forehead, enjoying the warmth, the fuzziness, and the smell... ...as long as the baby hasn't pooped, that is...

I think it's an instinct thing with waking the moment a baby does, I was always the first to hear Alex wake when she was a baby I don't think I slept 'Properly' until Alex was at least 3. Even now if she wakes up in the night to go to the loo I'll hear her and I'm a floor above her, it's a 'Mother's Inbuilt Alarm System' and it'll keep going off until they leave home I think

My firend and a friend of a frend had babies at the same time a year or two ago. My frend did the on demand thing for about oh dear, I don't know, quite a while I think she said, until she started to try a routine, which nearly killed her, but then the routine took quite painlessly. The friend of a friend tried the routine thing pretty early on and it didn't take at all, and six months later they were all still battling it out in that family. This was about feeding though. Not sure if this is what you are talking about exactly.

The routines are about feeding and sleeping times but I think you just have to do the on demand thing when they are this small. The hard thind is working out what they are demanding when they are full, have a clean bum and are being cuddled yet are still crying...

And then they do what spud did last night and slept from 9.30 pm until 7.30 am. I still kept waking every hour or so and worrying that I should be getting him up to feed him.

The tumble dryer doesn't work, but he falls asleep to the sound of my hairdryer - sadly he wakes as soon as it goes off. Am going to have to make a recording as I cant really run that all day!

Another lovely day, may attempt a walk into town although it is a long way and I may not get back again without a long rest in the middle, which will mean having to feed him in public Not sure I'm ready to get my s out in town yet...

I found that if I fed Alex between 10pm and midnight she'd sleep right through until 6am but if I fed her earlier she'd be awake every couple of hours. I found that babies cry for the sheer hell of it sometimes

Jen's quite clingy in that she hates it when nobody's in the room with her. Even if I go to the kitchen, which is just off the living room, she'll scream - even if she's facing the door so she can see me, the little bugger! We've let her get into her own routine with regards to feeding as I'd never ever wake a sleeping baby - if she's hungry, she lets us know Saying that, we've started the nighttime routine, although as soon as you lay her down in her cot she has a habit of becoming wide awake and laughing at you when you try and sort out her blankets

Breastfeading in public - bring a big shawl to drape over your shoulder and

Muslin cloths are good too and they're handy for mopping up any mess I never breastfed in public but when I was pregnant I used to look at other women doing it. It's amazing how discreet you can be whilst breastfeeding as you never really see anything

My number one childraising rule(the first thing I posted on hootoo all those years ago) remains NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING CHILD (even when they're hulking great teenagers) unless they have specifically asked you to. If it gets too uncomfortable, express the milk.
My sons are now in their early thirties and the older one arrives with his lady wife tomorrow (hooray). I would never have dared breastfeed in public, but a combination of C-sections and huge hungry babies meant I gave up after a couple of weeks. My totally gorgeous number one grandson is fed in public with the aid of shawls, or a cardigan, or a winter coat and is thriving.