h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But I don't underswtand why they are saying I'm too fat therefore must have continuous monitoring, when my BP is fine and no sign of protein in my urine, and baby is a normal size.

They seem to be saying that I am too fat for them to do intermittent monitoring with a doppler, but I haven't read anything about that being necessary anywhere - that is why I am confused.

The doctors ought to know if I am 'high risk' (first baby and booking BMI just below the cut off) or not - apparently the clue is that they are seeing me in their clinic, not that anyone told me that. And someone really ought to have mentioned it, particularly the community midwife.

If the doctors don't know that the birth centre next door to the labour ward is for low risk births only and can't make the connection between me saying I want to go there and the fact that I'm supposedly high risk then that is an even greater reason not to trust them - the last one happily signed me over to the birth centre.

Kelli - I agree that it should have been brought up earlier.

I agree it was a mistake not to bring it up earlier and I can see how it was made, but it still shouldn't have been made. I would probably have done the same thing.

(We don't have a birthing centre, so it's not an issue).

The fact that your seen in clinic and your a first time mum means your 'high risk', but it seems that if nothing else goes wrong that means that you could go to the birthing centre.

If I'd seen you in clinic, and not had any trouble listening to the fetal heart and feeling the baby myself. I would have thought that there would be no reason why the midwife wouldn't be able to do the same during labour.

It seems that the birthing centre has an bit of an arbitary 'no mums with a BMI over XX' policy, without it being thought through on a 'case by case basis'. When you asked for a reason they seem to have just come up with one.

Kelli, I had a very similar experience to yours, the only difference was I had the same conversations you are having with my midwife at my booking in session. The midwife was horrible, saying I was too “hefty” to throw over her shoulder should an emergency occur and so i was therefore best to book directly into the labour suit. I felt like a bad person for even getting pregnant.

However my consultant was astonished at her attitude and said she had misinterpreted guidelines which were designed to flexible and for guidance only. He was totally reassuring saying that although there was a small increased risk of a more complicated pregnancy and a small increased risk of a section by far the biggest unknown for them was being a first time mum and so I would be treated exactly the same as any other first time mum. Watched very carefully.

In fact when i asked if i should lose weight before trying to get pregnant again he said while it is always medically advisable to lose weight it wasn’t an issue to delay getting pregnant.

I hope you get the birth that you want but I am sure that you will enjoy it whatever happens. Regardless of how the baby comes out it is still such an amazing process to go through….I had a few scares during mine I would not have missed it for the world. In fact I came home from the hospital wanting to try for number two straight away. A few sleepless night soon put paid to that idea.

Once you get into the birthing centre and are under the care of a specific midwife I'm sure you will find that she (or maybe he, these days) will do her level best to look after you and give you the kind of labour you want. She'll want to establish a rapport with you right from the start - so don't be put off by things being a bit negative at the moment, they will improve.
I think the problems you've had have been mainly down to the usual reasons of understaffing, underfunding, overstressing and overworking of staff etc, etc. It's not that they meant to upset you - they're just finding life in the NHS a bit difficult and some of this inevitably gets passed along to the patients.
And yes, in your position I'd be bloody furious and upset too.

When I had No1 all those years ago, quite a few things went wrong and I wasn't happy about how some things were handled so ........ when I went in to have No2, I took my own birth plan, something almost unheard of in 1982, and presented it to them. In big letters at the bottom I said "If something untoward happens that puts the baby or me at risk - do what you have to do and don't worry about the birth plan"

You've also made it very clear to them that you're prepared to adjust your expectations - IF necessary.
I think starting off in the birthing centre - and only moving to the other department IF things get worrying is an eminently sensible way to go.

I agree with what the others have said about how unsettling that feeling of not being in control can be. This is where J comes in. He's your support and your advocate - and on the day will be invaluable to you. Let him deal with any cr*p and just concentrate on yourself and Spud.

Lots of s from me too.

I'm available for listening, handholding, morale supporting etc over the next few weeks if you'd find it useful.

high ketones Thanks for correcting that, Z


W

DH and I have just talked this over and we can't remember anybody monitoring the baby's heartbeat *at all* during any of the 3 labours That *can't* be right ... maybe they used the microphone thingy when I wasn't looking.

Medical people aren't always the best communicators (with the exception of Z of course). They explain stuff at a level suitable for a class of 5 year olds, or they assume that it's obvious so they don't need to say it at all, or they don't try to explain because it's just too hard for you to understand.

Birthing centre next to labour ward sounds a good arrangement, keeps your options open.

Mol

it never ceases to amaze me how often "patients" are treated almost as though they are the last person who needs to know what's going on.

try to relax, Kelli, but you could also make it plain to the senior bods at the birth centre that you're not impressed with their communication skills.

Gah - anyone would think pregnancy and birth was a flippin' illness!

Slowly getting my head back together now, and have stopped being convinced it is all going to go badly wrong. I have started wanting to get on with it again rather than wanting to put off the birth. I still feel a little distrustful of the birth centre and hospital staff, but hope that when the time comes the midwives who are with me try to make me feel calm and comfortable rather than anxious. I didn't bother booking an antenatal appointment for this week so I can avoid them but will go up to doctor's surgery to get one of the nurses to check BP and urine to be on the safe side, but next time I go in it will be for a sweep in a week's time, or for the birth -whichever happens first.

Heard a horrendous birth story at antenatal class the other night - the woman was induced which meant they were keeping her in on the antenatal ward. She went into labour at night so out of visiting hours and her husband was not allowed on the ward so she did practically her entire first stage of labour on her own, on a ward full of women at various stages of pregnancy all trying to sleep through it, was given pethidine even though she didn't really want it (birth partner not there to help with decisions), and only had her husband there for the last hour and a half

*Really* want to avoid being induced! *Bounces more vigourously on gym ball, decides to make curry for dinner rather than the roast we were planning, considers attempting to have sex, and gulps down another cup of raspberry leaf tea*

I think we are getting very close now anyhow, I have a *lot* of downward pressure - the baby feels very low indeed.

Candi - you still holding on in there, or are you a mummy now?!

#1 was induced (although I think that she had decided to come right then anyway because it went very quickly)

I think it depends on why you're being induced how the hospital proceed. However, being me I think I'd have made a LOT of noice in that woman's position and not kept quiet until my husband was there.

But that sounds like a one off, so I'm sure it's not going to happen to you.

and

Was wondering how you were feeling, kelli

Sho, apparently, the NCT woman said from her classes in the past year, 3 fathers had missed the birth - all due to the mother being induced and the father not being allowed on the antenatal ward with her. So when they finally move her onto the labour ward and let him in he has not made it to the hospital on time. Bloody stupid policy - apparently men are considered a threat to the other women on the antenatal ward *even if* their presence is due to their wife being in labour!

If this does happen to us, J is not allowed to go home - he will be sleeping in the carpark in the car. So if it does suddenly kick off quickly he doesn't have to do the 40 minute drive to the hospital (or longer if in rush hour!)

My dad keeps offereing to come and stay with us in case he is needed to take me to the hosipital if J can't get home from work quickly enough - bless him. He is so excited and scared for me! Shouldn't have told my parents about the birth centre debacle either, they are all ready to go up there and complain for me

Hi Kelli - no I'm not a mummy yet - still waiting, like you very much hoping to avoid induction. They offer routine membrane sweeps here at 7 days post due date, then induction at 10 days - is this the same policy as your hospital?

The last things you need now are horror stories. I hope you don't hear any more. Just try to remember that the majority of births go absolutely fine.

I'm really hoping to avoid any kind of intervention. I'm also on the raspberry leaf tea and trying to keep as active as the weather and my unwieldy size permits. Also, we're having chilli tonight for dinner.

My due date is Thursday. I'm not feeling too impatient yet, but have made plans to keep me occupied for most of next week so I don't get antsy!

When I have the baby I promise to post here to let you know.

Yes, my dad was thrilled when he finally got the call saying "It's time for you to have Nod and Sic for a few hours" when Osh was on the way - and it was mainly because his moment had come, rather than because of the impending grandchild!

Absolutely gobsmacked by the father-not-allowed-in stories - that's outrageous! I like to think I would have kicked up a fuss in the same situation, but given how squashed I felt by hospital staff it's probably unlikely.

Mol

Yes - outrageous! Here they are in on everything but catastrophically urgent c-sections! Planned sections, the works. Yell if you have to but make sure Husband is THERE!

Found my labour notes for Sic (she was born at 1.27 am, so the delivering midwife left them for the morning midwife, and I was able to get a copy made). Anyway, there are lots of references to the foetal heart rate, so clearly some monitoring went on! Must have been with the microphoney thing, I certainly wasn't wired up at all.

Brings it all back, reading through ... "Offered entonox. Vomit ++" is my favourite entry

Mol

Candi - I'm impressed you have made plans to do things! My 'plans' look like today:
1) attempt to get up out of bed.
2) tidy up dinner things from last night.
3) tidy up breakfast things from this morning.
4) attempt general tidying including sweeping floor.
5) hoover rug, discover hoover doesn't work properly any more.
6) try to do dusting.
7) accidentally sit on floor - get stuck there for a while before working out how to heave self upright again.
8) go upstairs for something, get breath back.

Between each of these things is:
i) feel very tired, have a bit of a sit down. Think about having a sleep.

Not really up to much more than this! Was on my feet quite a bit today while doing all the sweeping/hoovering/tidying etc so feet are *huge* this evening.

Mol, I don't like the sound of your favourite entry!

Don't worry, entonox suits most people, and it's possible that the vomiting was going to happen anyway (be prepared for that, btw - your abdomen has enough to cope with during labour and may well decide that it doesn't want to process your most recent meal as well). Anyway, chucking up into a cardboard bowl really isn't that bad. It's over reasonably quickly.

I should stop tidying. Really. You'll get a burst of energy just before Spud comes and you can do all that you need to do then. If you're tired, rest. If that means you have to force yourself to spend all day on the sofa reading, well, that's the price you pay for being pregnant ...

Mol

Not sure I believe you about the burst of energy! There is too much to do in the house in any case - my 'burst' would need to last at least a week or so

I am resting a fair bit but trying to get the place straight as well. The health visitor is coming tomorrow for a chat so don't want the house looking like a total pigsty. She might Make Notes about my housekeeping if she sees how we've been living for the last few months. Am a bit worried she'll have something to say about all the wiring hanging out all over the place. We'll have the plug sockets fitted before spud is mobile, honest!

I started out today intending to grout the bathroom floor at some point. Didn't actually manage to get to that point on my to do list!

Dearest Kelli,

Will be thinking of you and praying for a happy birth and the joy of hearing that first little cry and then having your baby placed in your arms.

What joy.!!

What total and complete joy!!

What memories it gives me.

Wuth ever soi much to you three

Christiane AR1

KELLI!
take a break woman - this is your absolute LAST chance to veg out reading books for AGES!


the cleaning will still be there - it doesn't get that much worse,honestly (I'm a confirmed no-houseworker type of gal)

When you and spud first get home, s/he'll sleep a fair bit, and if you time it right (nap when s/he does at least some of the time) you can fit housework in. Honest. Trust me. I'm a mother.