h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm reading a book called "How to become a federal criminal." it's a lighthearted compendium of our federal government's laws and regulations that criminalize things that few of us would even think of trying to do, let alone doing them.

One of the few that might happen is riding drunk on a bicycle in a national park.

Here are some very unlikely things:

--Mailing a box of dead bees to the United States without writing "DEAD BEES" and the country or origin in 2-inch-high letters on the box. You might also get punished for bringing illegal bee semen into the country.

--Mailing a mongoose

--Misusing the Swiss coat of arms.

Strangely enough, one of the few things that people *do* know about is not actually a crime, namely removing a tag from your mattress. That federal law is aimed at those who sell mattresses. Once the mattress is in the hands of the end user (you), there is no longer any need to fear. You can remove tags from your mattresses to your hweart's content.,

The Migratory Bird Treaty Act makes it a crime to pursue, take, kill, possess, sell and transport migratory birds. (It really is a federal crime to kill a mockingbird). In 2013, a utility company was prosecuted for the deaths of birds that hit the blades of its wind turbines. In 2017, a few days before Trump took office, Obama's dept. of the interior came out with a 30-page opinion that this "accidental take" of birds' lives was indeed a crime. Scroll forward to Trump, who rescinded that opinion and issued a new opinion to the effect that the MBTA was "the epitome of vague law." So, prosecution may depend on who is president, who the prosecutors are, and whether you get caught.

Money crimes? You can get convicted for just one penny. A man cut the edges off pennies so that they would register as dimes when put into slot machines.

Food adulteration crimes? The Food and Drug Administration has the last word as to how many maggots, rat feces, or insect parts get into various foods.

Crimes of sugar possession:

In 1975, a man and a woman were caught carrying 1,000 pounds of sugar in their car. They were suspected of needing the sugar for making moonshine, but no evidence of that could be found. So prosecutors examined their records to see if they had been prosecuted of transporting or making bootleg whiskey in the past.