h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"This is where the Mahatma lives," Spot said, leading us to a modest hut that nestled in the side of a hill.

"Is he in?" I asked.

"He's always in," Spot said as a frail elderly man in a robe and sandals opened the door and greeted us.

"Are you Marduk's leader?" Joseph asked.

"I was once," the Mahatma said. "Generations of leaders since then have asked me for advice, as if I had anything worthwhile to say. I keep tabs on what's happening on your Planet. The 'Daily World News' comes to my doorstep every morning at 7:00, and I pick it up hoping that we can safely return to Earth soon. By 8:00, I know that that cannot happen."

"Why would you want to return?" Faun exclaimed. "This planet is gorgeous!"

"This city, as nice as it is, is only a tiny part of Marduk," the Mahatma said. "Much of the planet is barren wasteland. Natural resources are lacking, and the little that we *can* use won't support more than a few million people. Nevertheless we've made our settlements attractive. That's why the squirrels want to live here. All they need is a few acorns. We need more, and there's the rub. I became a vegetarian, not for religious reasons, but because the only way to find a decent steak is to go through a portal into Earth and eat it there. Have you any idea how much resources we have to use to set up the portal?"

"But hundreds of Mardukians do actually go to earth every day," Spot said, realizing after he said it that he had given us some privileged information."

The Mahatma could have scolded Spot for this, but he chuckled and whispered to me that the powers to be were well aware of the Earth-Marduk travellers. "Why, even Spot goes to Earth, and we let him bring back a squirrel to chase. It's an ordinary squirrel, and we monitor it. We figured out how to keep the newer squirrels away from the computers."

"One question," Caleb said. "If Mardukians have such high intelligence, how did they let the squirrels become such a danger?"

"Intelligence isn't everything," the Mahatma said with a sigh. "We do a lot of thinking here. We examine different possibilities, and this slows us down. It took a long time to agree among ourselves as to how we could fight the squirrels. Of course, now we know how to keep them under control. I hope we could fend off other intruders too, but our system doesn't do very well at that."