h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"I've never even met an elephant, let alone tried to ride one," I confided the next morning as we were on the way to our rendezvous with the elephant kingdom.

"You are a man of discernment, so no ordinary elephant would be right for you," Salil said. "This one is so special that you will forget all others."

Praise all of a sudden? After Riccardo's scorn and Scribbles's feckless disregard for candor, I wasn't sure what to think. Then Salil's intent became crystal clear.

"My sister Shakuntala has one of the finest elephants in India, so we are going to visit her. Like yourself, my sister is very discerning. I think the two of you will get along very well indeed!"

As it turned out, Tuffi the elephant and Shakuntala the sister were equally discerning. First, Shakuntala made eyes at me. Then, no sooner had I approached Tuffi than she began nuzzling me with her trunk. She marched around proudly with me on her back, and sulked after I got down. Shakuntala tried to comfort her, but to no avail. Both woman and elephant seemed upset as we departed.

"That went badly," I told Scribbles as we went back to our hotel. "What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing. Keep your options open, or millions of fans will unfriend you."

"They've made up their minds already?" I exclaimed. "They don't even know me!"

"They think they do. 30% want you to go with Shakundala. 18% think you're gay"

"And their advice is....?"

"It's complicated. Mostly they want Riccardo for themselves, but you can have him if they get a shot at Colin and Salil."

"If I were gay, why would I want Riccardo? He insulted me!"

"He paid you a rare compliment, though. There are people who would kill for that. Anyway, Riccardo's better than some of the other options that your fans suggested."

"Such as?"

"Tuffi the Elephant. Or the dolphin."

"These people are mad!"

"Shhh! They can hear everything you say. Enough unfriendings, and you'll be forgotten in one month rather than six. You're also being slated for Miss Seng and a Hawaiian hula dancer."

"Who?"

"You haven't met them yet. Miss Seng will escort you around Hong Kong. There are a lot of Chinese on the Internet."

"Apparently."

He stiffened as he bent over his laptop, then relaxed. "Your favorability is rising," he said with a relieved smile. "They'll cut you some slack because you're so amusing."

I said nothing. Who was I to go against public opinion?

Your snork is duly noted.

I love to find out about the uniqueness of Tufty the Elephant.

[Amy P]

I needed a name for a female elephant, so I looked on the Internet until I found one. Tuffi was the first one I found. I'd hate to insult some male Hindu deity by naming a female elephant after him.

Pell should consider himself grateful that not one fan wanted to see him link up with the camel.

You didn't count my vote

F S

I wasn't aware of what your vote was.

For the Camel obviously

When you are running a virtual - virtual story, you cant see what we might have posted on your imaginary web site

Anyway I didn't think of it until I read your post 'not one fan'?

F S

I think you have chosen wisely , however the story keeps moving on. Who knows how many fans will go for the hula dancer when the action gets to Hawaii?