h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"I'm a goner for sure," Paulh wailed as a huge gust of wind swept him off the deck of the Black Pearl, still clinging to a broken mast. The next thing he knew, he was deep underwater, watching some grindylows, a mermaid, and a giant squid as they gently helped him rise to the surface for air. He bobbed to the surface, crawled out of the lake, and sat on the shore. Before him rose a massive structure which resembled a grand English cathedral.

There was an enormous man on the shore. He was helping some children out of a boat and saying "Firs' years follow me!" Suddenly Paulh realized that this was Hagrid, the groundskeeper at Hogwarts, the world's premier school for wizards. Hagrid turned around and noticed Paulh for the first time. "Welcome to Hogwarts, Paulh!" he called.
You're the new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, aren't you? Dumbledore has been expecting you."

Paulh started to protest that he was profoundly unmagical -- a muggle, as wizarding people would put it -- but the cloak of magic realism stopped him. "As long as you are wearing me, you are a powerful wizard," it told him.

Hagrid ushered Paulh into a great hall where hundreds of students were singing a song about a sorting hat. As he sat down, professor Flitwick whispered into his ear: "He who must not be named" [i.e. Voldemort] "has declared that you are the first one he will come after when he
regains power. You'll need to be extra careful!"

After dinner, Paulh followed some students to the entrance to Griffindor House, where he was supposed to find temporary lodgings until his private room was ready. The fat lady in the painting
reached out a chubby arm and pulled him into the picture with him. "At last you're back, hubby," she said. "I'll never let you go again!"

And here I was, expecting you to float around and run into a volleyball...that'll teach me.

I think you have taken on a dangerous job, though.

[Amy P]

"I think you have taken on a dangerous job, though" [Dmitri]

No job seems to last more than a day, though. Chances are, not even Voldemort can move faster than the fat lady in the picture when she wants to put her husband in a place where he won't get away.

The Cloak of Magic Realism has a mind of its own, and will see to it that Paulh never stays in any one place for long enough to get maimed by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. No, that doesn't mean that Paulh will become the new master of Elsinor Castle, but the Bard of Stratford on Avon *might* be waiting in the wings top write the next chapter in Paulh's adventures.

Oh, goody.

Tomorrow's episode is ready to roll when tomorrow arrives.