h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*stands transfixed as she watches Jek and Hade doing balletic aerial acrobatics accompanied by sparkly laser lights and Alpha Centaurian ambient music...*

Those were some absolutely amazing free upgrades, CYBERHUMAN!
Thanks for the surprise!

*wonders what other new programming and improvements the cybernetic canines are capable of now...*

I'd better snap out of this trance and answer the post on the other thread!

*reluctantly pries herself away from the magical spectacle and s out to leave a message at the other place.*

*CYBERHUMAN looks very confused and he briefly wonders if his good friend Cynthesis has been struck down by the human condition of mental impairment known as madness*

Balletic aerial acrobatics, sparkly laser lights and Alpha Centaurian ambient music?! Don't be so silly Cynthesis, the upgrades provided by the Alpha Centaurians are far superior and far more useful than that.

You'll find that Hade and Jek have changed somewhat. More specifically, they are now slightly larger than they were before, and instead of being covered in a reflective silver metallic skin, they are now covered in an armoured black metallic skin. This will provide them increased strength and durability, as well as better protection for their delicate inner circuits should they have to protect you from harm.

Their sensory circuits - sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste, and extra-sensory perception - have also been significantly improved. This will greatly enhance their function and provide them with a better quality of life. A life that will last several thousand years I hasten to add.

Finally, the two dogs now have databases contained within their cybernetic brains that can store vast amounts of information. You can put in anything you want into these databases, but I have already filled Hade's database with a full biography of my very long life and descriptions of all the planets I've visited, all the alien races I've encountered, and all the weird and wonderful things I've discovered in my life. You can delete the contents of these databases at any time.

Oh, I nearly forgot, to add entries to their databases or remove entries, all you need to do is call one of the dogs to you and then open a small flap on the back of the dog's head. A tiny microphone will then pop up and you must speak the entries out loud that you wish to add to the database. Before you say the entry however, you must say "Add entry," or the entry will not be stored. Similarly, when you want to remove an entry, you need to say "Delete entry" and then specify which entry you wish to erase.

By the way, with their change in appearance and other upgrades, Hade and Jek are now to be called Shade and Jekharu. This is because installing the upgrades causes a slight memory interference, and to avoid our poor canine pals from becoming confused as to who they are, it's best to give them a slight alteration on their original names. I have now programmed their new names into their slightly altered memories.

Don't worry though, as they still remember you and I. To ensure that, I isolated the memory of who we are and shielded it as I installed the upgrades.

Before I go, you have a new message in the 'Unrestrained, Still Struggling' thread. I need to go and make some minor adjustments to my shipboard computer on my vessel, the USM Discovery, so I'll see you soon!

Goodbye Shade and Jekharu! Look after my human friend for me!

*The two dogs bark in acknowledgement, then wander over to their beds in the corner of the room and curl up next to each other. CYBERHUMAN vanishes from sight*

*Shade and Jekhu have now awoken from their long sleep after receiving their free upgrades and are wide awake, calling for their mistress Cynthesis to come and play with them because they miss her company*

*cynthesis rushes to the thread's threshold when she hears the cybernetic baying of Shade and Jekhu...*

Wha...

*the thread is filled with multicoloured disco holographic lights and shapes and throbbing funky house and dance music threatening to bring the walls down...*

I don't think that CYBERHUMAN quite had this in mind when he upgraded you.*pats their sleek metallic muzzles affectionately* I guess he didn't know that we were doing dance workouts for exercise. You boys both learned so quickly and I only had to program the dances in your memories and I'd have the choreography stored for future reference. The upgrades must have enhanced what was stored over the past year!

*Jekhu and Shade expectantly wag their tails and do enhanced aerial pirouettes to impress her...*

Alright mates... let's dance!