h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Though, you wouldn't really be able to smell the baking underneath a bus what with all the petrol fumes and what not, then again that in itself is a gorgeously addictive smell

er...yes...er......*wonders if thats a weakness yet undiscovered*

Don't mind me - just passing through.

JT

JT! where've you been? you're missing all the new members and the !

oh bum he's already gone.

*Hears Galigan swearing and returns to say*

Hiya

Been keeping a low profile as (IRL) very busy with work, looking after partner's parents (her dad's 83 and got Parkinsons and her mum's just had an op on her hand), socialising in nice weather, etc.

The League seems nice and busy though - I'll try and catch up on some of the action soon.

Keep them gals in order!

JT

*Wonders into the garden, as not visited for some time*

*Notices that nobody else seems to have been around since last here*

I wonder where everyone is. There have been some people in the Bar, the City and the Tearoom, but not here or in the arena - obviously the hot weather is making people head for refreshment in the shade.

Oh well, it's nearly autumn - I suppose we'd better think about tidying up ready for winter.

*Fetches some clippers from the shed and starts pruning back some shrubs*

JT

Nonsense Kattman, this kind of work is for menial people, do not forget I am the owner of the Kaoté fortune - I'll just pay for some people to tidy up the garden and make it look hospitable.

*Commands phone to gauntlet, then phones various horticulturalists to come and consult with League members*

*enters accompanied by a hoard of horticulturalists*

yours I believe, Chaos.

Horticulturalist 1: My goodness yes, something seriously needs to be done here.

Horticulturalist 2: Yes indeed Lennard. I'm seeing a fountain in the middle of that grotty little pond over there and this lawn needs a cut dreadfully.

H 1: Quite Benjy, and those hedges have simply got to go, so garish.

H 2: Either that or we trim them into some rather spiffing shapes. I'm thinking jungle animals.

Horticulturalist 3: Jungle animals? why, do you know where we are? I say cut them in the images of the superheros that will be gazing upon them. What do you think?

H 2: I don't know. Some people might get all piffy about how they look in leaves. You can never tell how temperamental these superhero types are.

H 1: Exactly. I say go for the safe option and just trim the hedges...

H 2: ok.

H 3: Yes, that is sensible.

H 1: ...and then we do away with all of this grass, it's soooooooo last millenium, and replace it with marble tiling. Oooh, and a swimming pool. And an egyptian style casino! No that's a bit much... What do you think?

H 3: I think i take back what i said about you being sensible.

H 2: Yeah, i think that's overkill with the casino and everything, but a marble path to replace this gravel would go down a treat! What say you?

H 1: but marble and grass just simple don't GO together! You have to know how to co-ordinate in this business!

H 3: oh give it a rest will you!

H 2: Watch it Bill, he can get very snappy if you do say stuff like that.

*Horticulturalist 1 minces menacingly over to Horticulturalist 2 and glares into his face*

H 1: And what's THAT supposed to mean?

H 2: Nothing.

H 1: Good!

H 3:

Spectre: Guys please!

*The three hulticulturalists turn slowly to look at him.*

Spectre: What?

That's ALL we need - a trio of camp exterior designers - Benjy, Lennard, and one without a name (prob'ly Gervaise).

Woops, watch me wisteria!

JT

*notices the other one's called Bill, but maybe William to his really good friends*

JT

All 3 horticulturalists: And what's wrong with THAT?!?

Spectre: Hi Kattman. long time no see. Don't mind this lot they're here for Prof. Chaos I think. *to horticulturalists* Look guys, why don't you start by trimming the hedge and mowing the lawn? Then we'll see about that other stuff.

H 1: I hardly think that with my gradening skills I should be demeaned to simply mowing the lawn.

H 2: Leave then. I've had just about enough of you!

H 1: Well, I'll just be going then.

H 2: Fine!

H 1: Good!

H 2: Good!

H 1: Fine!

H 3: Raspberry!

*Benjy and Lennard turn to look at Bill*

H 3 (sheepishly): I was feeling left out...

Spectre: This is what you get if you order a modern horticulturalist!

I didn't know we had any fruit in the garden Bill.

Tell you what guys, why don't you just sit by the pool with some nice Campari & soda, adn we'll get old Prof. Chaos to do the tidying with his gauntlet.

Then you won't get your nails damaged or dirty and we can work out some nice new designs.

JT

Lennard: Humph. *minces sulkily over to the pond and flops down next to it.*

Benjy: I hate it when he's like this. Sorry guys. *joins lennard by the pond.*

Bill: oh, I didn't think there was any fruit. It was just the first thing that came into my head. *wanders around the lawn unconcernadly*

Spectre: thank god that's over.

*Whispers*

Now, while they're cooling their heels, can we come up with a plan to stop Pinky talking to them?

Otherwise, guess what colour the planting scheme will be...!

JT

Yes! and keeping Spoog out of the picture wouldn't be a bad idea either.

Erm, guys, since Prof. Chaos isn't here right now you'll probably be wanting to pop off to your other appointments. We'll let you know when he gets back. *hastily crosses fingers behind his back.*

Lennard: Well, ok. But I still say those hedges look awful.

Benjy: Of course you do. Now let's go before you offend someone.

Bill: Hey, wait for me you two!

*hurries after the others as they leave.*

Spectre: Phew! Glad that's over.

Good Move!

Got to fly now - the weekend's here, work's come to an end and the pub's calling.

Need to make up for feeling crap all over bank holiday.

C Ya!

JT

Just had to disappear to see to a few things, have to disappear again to see to dinner (and my newly purchased Monkey Island 3, just 8 years too late)

You just can't get the help these days.

*walks into the garden while filing her nails*

*looks up from the oh-so important task to see horticulturist peoples*

What exactly is happening here?

nothing nothing.

*kicks Bill out after the other two and hastily shuts the gate.*

how've you been pinky? haven't seen you around recently. i'm back at school not too by the way.