h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I suppose that as a Guide Editor, I should be interested in the world around me. I should keep up with the news, I really should. But it's hard. For one thing, I have very little interest in most of it. For another, the 'news' sources around here seem to be so random, I get better information from the Colbert Report. And he's a comic.

I just spent a few minutes being entertained by the story 'Movie sparks flight incident'. It seems a couple on a flight to Baltimore asked quite civilly to have the monitor above their heads turned off, because the in-flight movie was inappropriately violent for their 4- and 8-year-old. They know their kids, and that should be their right. Even though the other passengers backed them up, the flight attendants refused to do this. (THey probably didn't know how.)

Although no voices were raised, this act of rebellion seems to have upset the pilot, who diverted the plane to O'Hare (Chicago) and called the FBI. According to the letter the family wrote the airline:

'The captain, apparently, felt that our complaint constituted grave danger to the aircraft, crew and the other passengers, and that this danger justified inconveniencing his crew, a few of whom "timed out" during the diversion, and a full plane of your customers, causing dozens of them to miss their connections, wasting time, precious jet fuel, and adding to United's carbon footprint. Not to mention unnecessarily involving several of Chicago's finest, two Border Protection officers and several United and ORD managers, and an FBI agent, who all met us at the gate.'

What do I learn from this? That people are being just as silly as I expect of them.

Trying to keep up with all this 'news' is really hard, folks. The 'news portal' - aka Yahoo - insists that I want to know the following Top Ten Stories. I don't even know who most of these people ARE. Or why I should care.

Trending Now...

1. Robert Remini dies. I have no idea who this person was. Interesting name.

2. Worst Company in A.... I'm assuming 'America'. Do I want to know? I do not.

3. Mike Tyson wife lawsuit. At least I know who this guy is. I do not care why his wife is involved in a lawsuit.

4. Megan Fox redhead. Who? I am so ignorant, this lady's name does not ring a bell. But even if it did, I fail to see why I should care about her hair colour. If the President's wife dyed her hair red, I might find this decision questionable, but unworthy of discussing. Whatever happened to 'only her hairdresser knows for sure'? Please.

5. Snipes released. At first, I thought it said 'Snopes'. Who's Snipes? Do I care? Is is a strange animal? Is releasing it like re-introducing it to the wild? Or is it another criminal type?

6. 2 dead at day care.. This sounds sad - it might actually be news, too.

7. Fidel Castro North K... I'm assuming the Cuban leader is talking to/about North Korea. He might have something to say. Then again, it might just be the news people stirring the pot.

8. Second horse dies. Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I didn't know the first horse died. It reminds me of an awful short story we used to have to teach German students of English. That story was called, 'The Dog Died First'.

9. Jessica Alba. Again, I am clueless. Is she the daughter of Quintus Sertorius?

10. Biden salary. At last - someone I can identify. At least, I'm assuming they're talking about the VP. Dollars to doughnuts somebody's going to tell us he's overpaid. No surprise, there.

I'm sure you all know who these people are - except for Cactuscafe, who will be able to tell me if one of these people is a performance artist. You're so much better informed than I am. You probably even have opinions.

I dunno. I suppose if it's really important, Colbert will make a joke about it.

After all, thanks to Colbert, I know that the National Institutes of Health are trying to map the human brain. He put on a funny hat and showed me:

http://www.govexec.com/excellence/promising-practices/2013/04/nih-director-gets-stephen-colberts-brain/62307/

I was grateful. It showed how much progress they've made since the early 1960s. That was when I was eight, and had to have an EEG. The nurse told me it was a 'brain-wave test'. They glued electrodes all over my head. I thought they were going to watch my dreams on TV, and hoped I was entertaining.

I would like to have had one of those cool hats instead. Even though Elektra chortled, 'No! Not the Mind Probe!'

See? Yahoo.com should be so interesting.

I take issue with this, Dmitri. I found this journal both rude, and insulting.

Snipes are *not* 'strange animals', they are perfectly good ones.

I recognized the name of the Cuban leader (ex leader?), and the Snipe, a water bird, I seem to recall.... I am saddened by the death of a second horse, but also saddened by it seemingly stealing the limelight from the first horse which died, both no doubt en-route to a food processing factory for a supermarket as we speak (however, I would like to take the oppertunity to deny any knowledge of eitehr horse, and say I have never, I repeat, never met either of the horses concerned, who's names I remain equally ignorant of)

Most 'news' thesedays unless its political, seems to be about 'celibs', of whom I know even less than I care, about them...

Aha, KB. I see the problem.

THIS is a Snipe:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gallinago_stenura_-_Laem_Pak_Bia.jpg

A lovely bird, indeed.

THIS is a 'Snipes":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Snips-cc-2010.jpg

This is another Snipes sighting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2lBCSpdbAc

A strange bird, perhaps.

I would never insult wading birds.

As for 2legs, he'd insult anybody...

The thing about horses dying happens all the time, particularly in certain races like the "Grand National". When it happens, nobody likes it. Everyone finds it - I use the word advisedly - distasteful. But we have built such an industry up around gambling on horses that they are just collateral damage. "'Twas ever thus, that's the way it is, unfortunately".

Sound familiar?

We kill human beings routinely too, for the benefit of the gambling industry of what we call "trade". And we console ourselves with all the same remarks - 'twas ever thus. They always have famines and starvation. That's just the way it is.

What a thoughtful point on top of my very frivolous journal entry. And so true.

I didn't want to say it, but this morning, we were discussing just that - that nothing gets better because everybody says, 'That's just the way it is.'

Until that stops being 'the way it is', and becomes an intolerable situation, nothing changes.

I know that people who enjoying riding are sorry that we don't use horses for transportation any more. Not me - and not because I can't ride, which I can't.

Because of the suffering it caused the horses. At least cars don't have feelings.

I adored Snipes in drags. A heart warming film!

I agree - that is a good film. Patrick Swayze was particularly impressive.

I know who Jessica Alba is...She was Max in Dark Angel. Loved that series.

See, I knew somebody would know.

I know 'Angel', but not 'Dark Angel'.

Ahh... 'angel' wasn't that that 'song' by Robby Williams'?

I don't know a singer named Robby Williams.

I remember an awful song called 'Teen Angel' from the 50s. I have no idea who sang it...

And then there's 'In the arms of the angel', but that's actually good, and by Sarah McLachlan....

And 'Bright Angel', which is even better, and by Susan Osborn...

I'll bet there are a lot of angel songs. All them more interesting than today's news round-up.

Then there are other 'angel' related musical things... like the picture of the devil and the angel, playing poker, on teh front cover of 'heaven and hell' (Black Sabbath), or bands with angel in the title...
Robby Williams... I think he was origionally from teh band 'Take That'... I think