h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's "nitpicker" to you!

as long as you aren't some other sort of picker *v*

I've been known to pick apples, berries, and tomatoes...but never a banjo.

I've picked an axe... that's about it

No nits or lice? How about a booger?

A booger? My word! Such filthy language. We call them pooties.

I've always called toes "pooties". Especially when they're connected to my cat.

I've always called toes toes

Clearly that *is* bizarre. Have you sought professional help yet?

They keep sending me away

Well, either you don't need help or they think you're a hopeless case!

Well, they *did* give me some paxil

I think that they're passing it out like candy these days.

Say, who is this "they" anyway? The CIA? Backstreet Boys? Union steelworkers? Small badgers?

Street clowns. They pass out razor blades needles as well... and for some reason spoons and mirrors.

Oh, I think I've met *those* clowns! If you're a good girl, they also give you hard liquor, rolling papers, and balloons that have been twisted into animal shapes.

I almost have a complete setting of spoons... although, they're all bent at odd angle. Odd, really.

Ooooh, that sounds lovely. Knowing you, I'm sure they're in a classic pattern that is only produced by Tiffany & Co.

I'm thinking of having them cast in silver plating, and sprinkled with sequins

That's a tad bit too Vegas for me. I prefer understatement.

Un-der-state-ment ?