h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, let's have a look here.
We have pliers, thumbscrews, one rather beautiful iron maiden, some sufficiently hot iron bars, any number of rusty nails...
I'd say, Let There Be Justice

*Gulp*

Hmm, seems as though MOG were afraid to use this stuff.
And there was me carrying it all out of the cellar...
What would you say Bob, is it too stern?
*strokes his arm absent-mindedly with a red-hot poker*

*Can think of nothing better to do so shouts*
HHHHEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP there is a justice obsessed mad man with a torcher chmber in here some one help me pleas!!!!

Oh Bob, please do calm down a bit, will you?
This screaming is really upsetting.
Look, as MOG said, this hurts me more than it does you and do I scream? Hmmm?
*picks up the thumbscrews and looks at Bob - somewhat dreamily*
Say, when was the last time, you had a proper manicure?

{looking on from a corner of the room} It seemed to me that you were quite capable of handling the situation yourself, phw. You might be unaware that delegation is one of my finer qualities. And I didn't want to have you think I was TOO rough on the lad. I'm really a nonviolent person, unless provoked. But I'm here, if you need a hand in the proceedings. Just don't cripple him, as I have future plans to make him my slave. Now, carry on...

Oh buck up sparky a little torcher never hert no boddy

*Grimesis while he is having a pritty land scape drwn on his bock with a red hot poker*
do you want to swap then bauldy?

Hey guys, work on your spelling. It's damn hard for non-natives to follow you
*forces Bob into the iron maiden*
So, now you swear to spell in a way even those stupid non-English-speaking people can understand without too much effort.
*threatens to close lucy - (that's what I call the iron maiden)*
It's either that or a form of intercourse, you'll *never* forget.
*grins madly*

hay leave him alone he is following his calling...he is the ptron saint of origanal spelling

ok, I'll leave him alone.
*closes lucy*
I'm not to interfere with originality, not me

I did not say stop torcharing him...I just said ignore the bad spelling

{drags Bob into the dungeon, hogtied with her feather boa, a hammer poking out of her bag} And while you two were arguing the fine points, this little weasel escaped and comitted all sorts of mayhem. Have to be in two places at once to keep up with him. Thank God for omnipresence, too.

Phw, please commence. This time, let's teach the boy some manners. I'm thirsty, dragging him all over the place. I need a drink! Garcon????..... where is the service when you need it?! {grumpily goes looking for the first unfortunate minion to cross her path}

*Cicks his fingers and dissapers*

Ill get thelittle sod back in a minet
*clicks his fingers and dissapers*

Hiiaah MOG,
aaaahhhh...
the Fluff, aaahhh!
beware the Fluff....
uuh.
*drops*
*not dead, but in a grim coma*

*Reapers*
will he be ok?

*gets up wearily*
huh?