h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well... that was a lie, actually. I'm certainly no lady. However, assorted wenches, little harlots, those who are no better than they should be, fancy women, courtesans and dollymops welcome (what a superb word).

Come in and browse... I'm not sure what we've got in stock, since it was all transported from the secret lumbar rooms of Lady Falune d'Snagpurse.... best to ask, and I will get back to you.
In the meantime... have a comfit? Or a violet creme? And allow me to tighten your laces...

*carrying a tray of to celebrate the grand opening of the Emporium*

hmmmmm.... I THINK I might fall into the dollymop category. That IS a lovely word! I'm gonna browse a little... do you have anything extraordinary in violet that you think might suit me, Mandrake? I LOVE shopping in places like this!

What about concubines? I think I would be GOOD at that!

a siren called Ben

Concubines are superb... and usually rich. I forgot to mention hetairae, they're welcome too.
Magnolia, cast your eyes over these wonderful lacy satin can-can knickers... available in lavender, as well as many other shades of feminine loveliness. Or there's this charming mauve bed-jacket with matching boudoir cap...
(having fun)

Mandagora, what would you suggest for me? You know my whims and tastes...

a concubine called Ben

Well, something discreet and tasteful in satin, but with a touch of lace. And then this luxurious velvet over-mantle with fancy sleeves.
(on a RL note, how are you doing with the measuring guide- did I even send one? Memory loss...)

Yes you did, but what a dilemma: such enticing places to hold the tape, such delightful measurements to measure, and help so definitely needed... but such personal numbers are obtained.

Who should help with a procecedure so intime?

Discrete and tasteful in satin and lace? I was mulling over a kimono the other day. What do you think?

an unknown quantity called Ben

I would employ the skills of a very trusted friend... hard to come by, though. And it's not like you can borrow someone else's.
A kimono sounds nice; you can sweep impressively up and down the stairs and go rustling over the floor.
(Whose concubine are you, BTW?)

Well, two questions there, whose concubine am I, and whose would I like to be?

There is a career progression for all working girls, you know... Let me mull...

*puts cotton wool between toes*
*settles down with nail varnish on one side*
*and chocolate truffles on the other*
*and the most secret of my secret vices - a cup of tea*
*paints toes meditatively*

***B

I think Magnolia does the official tea ceremonies... we could ask her.
Ooooh, chocolate truffles. But you don't want to get your fingers smudgy... how about wearing these exquisitely feathery black lace fingerless gloves?

*bustles into the room, a tattered feather boa molting in her wake*

I think Magnolia's in the fitting room trying on your selections at the moment, y'all. So I'll do tea service in her stead. *poof* How's that?

And I'm sorely in need of a fluffy new boa, and maybe a spare tiara too... one appropriate for casual outings...

*sits down by Ben, takes her shoes off, and contemplates her tootsies* Could I use some of that sparkly green polish when you're done, Ben? It would look fabulous with the sexy sandals I've got back home.

*Rushes in* Yes Madame?...
oh, I heard you say concubine and I thought you were summoning me

Many apologies, ladies...

The tea's wonderful, MoG.
Oooh... sparkly green polish.
We have plenty of boas... feathery ones, furry, or marabou- and how about these seamed crochet mesh stockings? Darling, aren't they?
Garters, too.

I'll let you chose the boa for me, Mandrake. I trust your judgement. I always seem to have problems with seamed stockings, though... seems so undignified when they get crooked, and you KNOW what a dignified wench *I* am. *snort* I'll stick to my shimmery body lotion, if that's ok with you.

*spots Apollo and rushes over to give him a big and *

I haven't seen you in a while, O golden-thighed one. How's immortality been treating ya? Here.... have some... *poof*.

hello.

may i come in? I'd love to try on a corset, if i may...

pj

x

MoG
I'm doing much better now * tighter*

Actually, the immortality is working well...though this constant massaging and serving agcB is getting wearisome...

Wearisom? But not for me!

*streatches langourously, rolls over, (narrowly misses the green nail polish)*

And now the other side, please Apollo. Your burning touch sets my skin on fire!

***B

Now, now...
Welcome, purplejenny! You can try on absolutely anything you wish... is there something in particular you fancy?
Have an iced folly...

ooh an iced folly! Thanks.

I'd really like to try a proper corset, get that heaving bosom effect. Then, ideally, I could swan around in period costume (circa 1899, i think) and snaffle a rich gent for some disreputable pleasures. Not entirely likely, i grant you, but it would be fun to look the part...

pj