Journal Entries
Aliens And What To Do if You See One
Posted Sep 13, 2000
Just incase you don't see it in the mighty guide I thought I would add this to my Journal!!
There are a number of things you can do when being visited by people from another world. The options will obviously change depending on the circumstances of the visitation.
For example you are a mountain goat herder tending your flock when you notice that some of your flock levitating a good twenty foot in the air, and just above is a strange glowing craft with no visible markings. Now you could run away screaming they are coming for us all you fools, which would be pretty pointless because, firstly you are a mountain goate herder and you are in the mountains so people aren't really going to hear you. You could quickly go back to the hut and get the 12bore shot gun and try plasting it. This is of course not adviseable as usually they have some sort of invisible forcefield which can only be deactivated by downloading a computer virus from a MAC compatable labtop, they may just decide to shoot you with there thermo nuclear raygun, becasue wouldnt you feel silly. You would be dead, as would your flock of sheep and you would have spoilt the surrounding countryside for all of those back packers and ramblers.
In fact the best thing to do is to get a torch with some different coloured crete paper and some form of midi keyboard with an amp and then try and communicate with them ala close encounters as apparently aliens like that sort of thing, although remember people its considered bad manners to start with a c minus a b sharp is the preffered starting note. If you dont have any of that then try whistling loudly and waving your arms to gain your attention.
Now that you have gained there attention its time to think about what your going to do. If they are hostile then death will be instantanious. However if they are grey they will more than likely tell you the perils the Earth is about to face and it might be an idead to bring a notepad and pen as they usually finish off with mind wiping device. If they are not grey it is usually expected of the abductee to scream wildly as some form of anal proble usually follows, along with other minor experiments.
Sometimes you will be expected to have sex with an alien which can be quite tricky, if you are female then its a case of they will impregnate you then remove it so you dont have to worry to much as its usually completed in 20 min. If your male, then you are responsible for starting a alien hybrid race, so remember personal hygene is a must. Always make sure you have some polos or other minty fresh alternative handy. Try and enjoy the experience but dont act over eager or they will know your a tourist!
Once they have finished with you, you will probably find there has been some times loss, and you will probably of lost a couple of sheep but thats fast food for you. Remember noone will believe you try and tell them so its best to keep it to yourself unless the News of the World or Sunday Sport offer you lots of money for an exclusive. So remember these words of wisdom and the planet Earth might just survive into the 22nd century
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Latest reply: Sep 13, 2000
Prostitution and its Associated Problems
Posted Sep 12, 2000
Here is an imotive subject which annoys me, as some people may find it amusing some people might find it offensive and other people may use them. Where I live there is a major prostitution problem so with the help of a number residents we set up street watch to try and make the area safer for the residents. I have the problem of living on the end of a terrace so the girls come round the back with punters. So I end up having to go around the back to clear them out. The majority of them are drug users and although people say you should feel sorry for them, unless you live in such an area you can't fully appreciate what its like! I have been threatened but Im big enough and probably ugly enough to not be intimidated although I do worry each time i come back from work that the house might have been broken in to. Im moving house soon and I worry when I go the whole scheme will go to pot. The police do encourage us as we are a detterant not vigilanties.
What gets me is how on earth people can go with the girls when they are obviously very high on drugs. When you tell a girl to clear off the area they get very abusive. Believe it or not, but I actually support the idea of legalising it so there can be safe areas away from residential areas, but the girls turned it down themselves which was ridiculous. They like working in residential areas because of the security. However half the residents who are elderly dont feel safe in there own homes. Thats where we come in, helping people to feel safe but it shouldnt be our job to do it. We all work long hours and the lasy we want to do is to come out. Am the only one who thinks this? Would other people do the same? Let me know and save me from the insanity!
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Latest reply: Sep 12, 2000
Mobious
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