frankie's world...
The face of the earth.
I was just walking along, oddly enough looking down, and there it was. Unfortunately I was lost in my own self deprecating thoughts, and didn't even notice the approaching brink.
It went something like this... "silly bastard, when are you going to just smarten up and Do It!? You're wasting poten.... What The!??!"
At that point my right foot had stepped forward and travelled just past the point of normal impact for a person on a casual saunter. This caused a general alert within the "thought farm" I usually refer to as my brain. Everybody jolted awake, spilling ice cold coffee on the controls, looking up from the daily crossword, even the guys decorating the christmas tree with empty Jack Daniels bottles took notice. The Balance and Equilibrium Department took the situation well in hand and announced a hasty "Phack, we're gonna fall." over the intercom. All hands braced for impact and over we went.
What it must have looked like from the outside:
Man walking down ordinary grey concrete sidewalk. Hands clasped behind back. Hair tousled and untidy. Leaning forward, apparently staring at the sidewalk as it passes beneath his feet. Muttering incoherently, seeming angry with himself. Stupid bastard is about to walk off the face of the earth! Doesn't he see it? He passed four signs mentioning it?! "Hey buddy! Watch it, you're gonna.." Well, there he goes. His hands suddenly shoot out to the sides, looking for balance and equilibrium. He's teetering... His right foot is continuing downward, huh, no sidewalk. A sudden comical look spreads across his face... it almost looks like "whaddya know, the edge of the earth." At this point he spins his arms in a distinctly Wylee Coyote manner, and disappears, a strangled yelp escaped his lips, then was gone. The funny thing is, just before he fell off the face of the earth I heard a distinctly metallic sound, almost like an announcement, come from his ears. It seemed to say "Phack, we're gonna fall." What a strange man.
So there I was. Plummeting like there was no tomorrow. The funny thing is, when in a plummet of this magnitude, you're really not thinking about if there will be a tomorrow or not. I mean, subconsciously I was probably thinking about the possibility of tomorrow, but it really wasn't primary in the "thought farm" at that moment. The individual Departments were all in a kafuffle. Blame was being thrown back and forth like rocks at a witch stoning. Motor Skills Department was probably the busiest, they were flicking switches, reefing on levers, swearing, pushing buttons, and generally looking busy. Though there really wasn't much they could do. Awareness and Absent Thought, an absolutely ridiculous pairing of Departments, were shouting at the top of their lungs at all the other departments, while secretly calculating the amount of paperwork they were going to have to fill out for falling "asleep at the wheel". Balance and Equilibrium, after a brief (but messy) round of full department Vomiting (started by the new guy manning the 'remain upright' switch), had given up completely and was settling in to watch a rerun of The Simpsons until everything calmed down and Motor Skills got a handle of the situation. Emotions and Feelings was confused about the whole thing with the Adventure Sub Department cheering, hollering, and cracking a case of beer. While Terror and Fear just screamed repeatedly and remained generally useless. Love and Lust just slid around on the well lubricated floor and thought up new positions to try out later on.
In short. I was a mess.
I mean who woulda thunk it? The edge of the earth!
Well, needless to say, my cell phone didn't work there. I had a brief signal, but the roaming charges would have killed me. There doesn't seem to be a bottom. For that fact there didn't seem to be a top either?! Once I was able to think again, realizing that I hadn't, and wasn't likely to, hit bottom; I was stunned to see that I wasn't just hanging out in 'space'. I would have thought I would be. Imean, if you fall off the earth wouldn't you expect to end up in space? Well, I wasn't. It's probably a good thing too. I've heard its pretty cold, lacking in good air, and the coffee sucks.
So there I was.
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frankiethemule
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