Journal Entries
'Twas the day after New Year...
Posted Jan 4, 2006
'Twas the day after New Year and down by the bridge,
Hatherleigh residents were stirring and stood on the ridge
By the banks of the river, a strange tradition to see,
In the cold afternoon, starting promtly at three.
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Latest reply: Jan 4, 2006
'Twas the night before Christmas... err... well...
Posted Dec 25, 2005
...
'Twas the very early hours before the morning of Christmas,
And all through the house,
Nothing was stirring,
Not even a mouse,
...
Except for the eldest nipper who go so excited he couldn't sleep and gave himself a migrane,
And Dad who was wrapping presents at 2:15am once again,
Discuss this Journal entry [11]
Latest reply: Dec 25, 2005
Did I jump, or was I pushed?
Posted Dec 8, 2005
Or, did I just encourage them to push me?
And, if I did encourage them to push me, when it appeared that I had been pushed, was I happy about that?
And, if I wasn't happy about it appearing that I had been pushed, why didn't I just jump anyway?
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Dec 8, 2005
Two years to sink in
Posted Dec 8, 2005
My best mate died. Two years ago. Or there abouts. Why on earth am I wanting to write stuff down about it now?
[Note: stick with this. It might go on, but it _might_ be worth sticking with, I dunno?]
Well, erm... (Something on h2g2 has prompted this.)
I'm sitting, crying in a hotel room. I spend a lot of time in hotel rooms recently. Not usually crying in them though.
The thing is, ... the thing is...
< CUT >
< CUT again >
This journal entry here isn't about my mate. It's about how I feel about him. Now that he's gone and died and everything.
Thing is, we were very good mates. We had a number of things in common. One particular thing in common, which, once we'd grown up a bit (ie. left school, I'd got married, etc) wasn't something you could share/endulge in more than - say - once a year. Then, the once a year thing becomes two years. I move 100 miles (quite literally) away. Then I get a contract working back in London. We meet up a few times, once for the annual 'thing'. Then I finish at that job.
Then we have a brief period of intense email activity.
Oh. Now here's the thing... (oh, blimey, this really is the thing...)
Then, one day I don't get a reply. So I leave it a bit. Still no reply. Leave it a bit more. Kinda forget about it. Plays on my mind though. Leave it a bit more.
After a number of months, all it does is play on my mind. I don't actively leave it a bit longer. There isn't any way of carrying on.
After maybe a year or two, I think 'stuff it, I'm emailing anyway'. So I email. I get no reply. But then, email addresses change. Stuff like that happens. So I think, if I'm ever in the area again, I'll go round. Knock on the door. Then one day, I'm in the area. I don't go round. There isn't any way of carrying on.
After a bit more, I dig out those old emails and have a read...
And this, really is the thing... (it really is...)
It turns out that _he'd_emailed_me_. And _I'd_not_replied_. Not for two years. I guess he sat there waiting for my reply, like I sat there waiting for his. Thinking "you arse, why won't you reply, what, have you got the hump over some little thing". What do you do about that? There isn't any way of carrying on.
Then, after maybe another year of it still playing on my mind, and me doing absolutely nothing about it, I get a phone call from a friend of his who managed to track me down to tell me that he died. That's it. He's dead.
I even arsed up going to the funeral. I went. But kinda lurked at the back. And shouldn't have done. The friend who tracked me down passed on a message that I should meet up with the family, and go in the procession and stuff. But I didn't. I was too embarrassed. I just turned up and lurked at the back. What a numpty. What a total and utter stupid 
ing numpty.
And now I realise he's gone. Two years later. He's been gone. All that time. But what with all the pretending that maybe I'll email back, or maybe I'll pop round next time I'm in the area. I've kind of conditioned myself into thinking one day...
But there isn't going to be a one day. That's the lot.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Dec 8, 2005
Writer's un-block
Posted Nov 25, 2005
I've had it again. That writer's block.
First time:
Back in '98. I was doing system design for a life & pensions company. I just couldn't get past this one very crucial bit. For a whole week.
Next time:
Earlier this year, I was writing copy for a brochure. It just wasn't coming out right. For a whole week.
This time:
A few weeks back, I was (slightly less importantly) writing an h2g2 guide entry. I got stuck on one bit. Just one paragraph. Kept skipping it. Going back. Skipping it. Going back...
... I knocked up 2 entire related entries while I avoided the whole issue. Whacked the 2 related entries into PR to give myself some incentive to get cracking with this one...
... Incentive? Pressure more like. 2 weeks! 2 more weeks went by and nothing. Not a sausage! Then suddenly, I'm sitting at work and this sentence pops into my head.
"I'd better jot that down" I think.
So I do. Then it all comes flooding out. 2 paragraphs in 2 minutes flat. Scribbling and scratching at the paper. Straight out of the subconscious to the end of the pencil without touching the sides.
I ripped the page out, put it in my pocket, went straight back to the hotel, typed it up, updated the entry, whacked it into PR.
"Job's a good 'un".
Another writer's blockage cleared.
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Nov 25, 2005
aGuyCalledPaff
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