h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Just as the former maid is approaching the back door, the cook rushes out of a side hallway and barrels into her, knocking them both down. The suitcase that the cook was carrying flys out of his hand and crashes into the wall. It pops open, spilling silverware all over the hall.*

Oh, er, excuse me miss. I was just leaving. I mean, I was leaving to take this silverware for polishing, like. Er, we're all out of polish here, you know, so I was, uh, taking it home to polish it.

*The cook helps the maid to her feet and then repacks his suitcase.*

I may have to make a robotic butler for this place....

Hey, I just had a thought. If Stavro is dead, shouldn't we bury him somewhere?

*Another thought crosses his mind*

And hey, Irving Washington/The Masque will both be gone for quite some time, and probably won't return under the same name. For continuity purposes, wouldn't it technically be easiest to arrest Red for the murder of Stavro and the attempted conspiracy against the members of CHOPPERS present? I've already got a cell with his name on it in CLI's Brig.

Better Email 'im to ask if it's okay, Irv.

*The former maid picks up her suitcase and glares at the cook; her long blonde hair, which had been pinned back in a professional bun, has spilled out of its pins and how hangs in her face and down her back*

Have a nice evening ~polishing~...

*She breaks into a jog and heads once again for the mews. As she comes out the back door, one of the cars parked in the mews, a long sleek black Jaguar, starts with a discreet cough. A moment later it pulls up at her side. The chauffeur looks at her inquiringly*

*She opens the passenger door and gets in, tossing the case into the back*

Yes, I got them.

I wonder if I should stop the maid. On the one hand, she may be stealing precious gems that come with the house. On the other hand, maybe those stones belong to her. On the other hand, as a superhero it's technically my duty to check up on that kind of thing, and it's not morally incorrect to question what someone's doing. On the fourth hand, she's I'm really not in the mood to ruin anyone's plans. On the fifth hand, arresting her would mean another character for the "Evil Package" adventure that I have worked out. On the sixth hand, I'm probably not going to get around to going on any new adventures until I've decided that I've gotten enough time back on writing anyway, and other villains could show up for the "Evil Package" storyline. Then again, the maid getting away could potentially be a future story plot for someone else that I shouldn't interfere with. Finally, it may be a plot that people here are meant to stop right here, right now. Hmmm,....

Oh, I just don't care anymore. I'll be lazy, and just watch how this all ends.

*The cook finishes repacking his suitcase and leaves by the same door as the maid. He walks over to his battered Citroen and throws the suitcase in the back seat. He gets in and turns the key in the ignition. After several minutes, the car starts with a bang and issues a cloud of blue smoke. The cook grins, revealing a missing front tooth, then begins to laugh as he pulls away. As the car disappears around a corner, the bumper sticker is caught in the light from a streetlamp: "I'd Rather be Sailing".*

Blast!



ooc sorry I wanted a chase seen...

ooc that was at the Jag

*Affy gets his OmeGauntlet out of the safe, unlocks the front door, exits, and jumps into the road leading out of the mansion grounds. He sets his Gauntlet to "Snowzar-Four Hours", and waits to give the drivers wheels with no traction, and to ask just what Yowuzupman was doing with a weapon again*

well if there is an adventure, i wanna come!

*the Jaguar pulls over, and the former maid jumps out of the car and stalks into the middle of the road, waiting for the Harley, murderous rage on her face*

Is that the way they respond to failure to give notice around here? I'll sue!! That idiot nearly killed us all!

*Affy approaches, Gauntlet ready*

Excuse me, but would you mind explaining your sudden wish to leave to me? Besides, didn't Lord Reflection at some point state that all of the mansion staff were out of the house? When and why did you re-enter?

*******************
We interrupt this program to bring this newsflash. An email was just received from Lord R.:
*******************

Lord R, Irv, and Red:

(posted via eMail)
I'm sorry, everyone. When H2G2 came back online, I re-registered and then forgot what passwords I used to do so. I'll be back, eventually, but yes, I'll have a brand-spanking-new ID, and will probably start from scratch. Everyone did such a great job here, that I think Affy and Garius deserve the extra prize of capturing Red (cough) red-handed, and taking him to the brig, at least until I can find some way of resurecting him.

Do what you want with my servants, they seem to already have taken on a life of their own.

Anyone who wants to can eMail me. If you don't already have my adress, I usually check [email protected] once a day.

Thanks!

*******************
We now resume our regularly scheduled murder.
*******************

isnt there a 'i forgot my password' form? irv is a part of h2g2. liek the bedrock!

I came back to get my jewels.

The truth is... My real name is Anastasia Louise Elizabeth Gotobed-Soonne, youngest daughter of the Duke of Soonne. Lord Reflection had been courting my older sister, but suddenly he stopped coming to the manor, and the servants kept giving the most ridiculous excuses about why Lord Reflection couldn't come to the phone. Pride kept my sister, Juanita, from chasing after him, but I was determined to get to the bottom of the matter. I brought the jewels as collateral, in case there was some kind of financial embarrassment that had caused him to disappear. And I cam on board as a maid because servants usually find out the truth a lot sooner than a houseguest. QED.

And now I have found out. My little brother came to collect me, and we were just heading back to Much Ribbing, where the family estate is, when some lunatic on a motorcycle started shooting at us.

*looks over Affi's shoulder and takes a mace can out one of her trouser pockets* That lunatic.

*A gasp is heard from the cook, who had returned after hearing the gunshots.*

Those aren't the famous Gotobed jewels, are they? Cor, and they've been right here in the mansion all along! Lord Reflection will have a fit when he hears.

You see, my real name is William Gotobed. I am the illegitimate son of Sir Gotobed and Wilhamena Reflection and Lord Reflection is my brother. My parents managed to hush things up and when I was born, I was put into the orphanage, and later, when I was old enough, I was enlisted in the Navy. Lord Reflection tracked me down and gave me the job as cook. It was him that found out about the jewels and the suspicious death of Sir Gotobed. And he found out how, with no male heir, the jewels went to Lady Gotobed who remarried soon after his death, to the Duke of Soonne. He began dating Juanita in order to find out more about the jewels so that he could help me reclaim them. He broke off the relationship when he could sustain the pretense no longer, and we were trying to come up with an alternative plan before the party. And now I find that the jewels were right here all along. Har har har.

Now, if you will just hand me the jewels, which are rightfully mine, I'll be on my way.

*Hold out hand*

*A gasp is heard from Affy*

*You* are William Gotobed, the illegitimate son of Sir Gotobed and Wilhamena Reflection? Not *THE* William Gotobed, the illegitimate son of Sir Gotobed and Wilhamena Reflection?

*Dramatic radio organ chord*

Why, it all makes perfect sense now! An old case of mine indicated the apparent link of The House Of Gotobed with a shady looking client by the name of Stavro Muller Beta, aka Stavro the butler! I didn't recognize him at first, but shortly before he mysteriously vanished all that time ago his case indicated that he knew several secrets about the Reflection family, and that he was a long-lost nephew of of the previous Gotobed family head, and had been willed a great deal. However, with his secrets about the Reflection family, he had attempted blackmail, only to discover that the Reflection family had secrets about him! When those blackmail secrets were revealed, he knew that he couldn't expose them without even getting into worse trouble himself, and attempted to hire a private investigator for help. But when it was discovered that he had contacted someone, the Reflection Family said that they would release the information to the public unless he became their indentured servant!

So, in actuality, those jewels would have belonged to Stavro, who was murdered!

*Another dramatic chord, and a few moments of stunned silence from everyone*

Or am I just bluffing?

*an expression of incredulity crosses Anastasia's face, followed by amused disdain*

Take it to court, gentlemen. Until we have legal proofs of all these absurd allegations, and references to wills, the jewels in question are the Soonne Jewels, property of the Duke of Soonne and his heir, my little brother here, the Marquis de Soonne. The William Gotobed of whom you speak is my mother's ne'er-do-well brother, currently in Assam managing the family's tea plantation by order of my father, the Duke. And that is an act of charity on the Duke's part!

You, ~cook~, you probably have more siblings than you realise, each with some wild claim on the Gotobed fortune. That fortune and the lands in India and British West Columbia, were entailed to my mother's husband by her father,the late Lord Gotobed, who disowned his son after the Matter of the Left Shoe. Perhaps that is the case you have in mind? *looking to Afgncaap5* There was more than one, and my grandfather Lord Gotobed was driven to distraction by a series of scandals centering around his son. After the Left Shoe case was dropped, he had had enough.

So nothing from William Gotobed has any validity in law. Did he by any chance sell you a bridge?

*Anastasia sweeps back her hair and turns to her brother, who has picked several wildflowers from the wayside and is examining them intently*

Daddy will not be pleased about the Jaguar, will he, Dagmar? However shall we get home?

*Has difficulty seeing the screen through the tears brought on by laughing at the Matter of the Left Shoe.*
Nice one, Lil.


Well, listen Miss High-and-Mighty, our Grandpa may have disowned my Dad, but not before he signed an agreement, where in return for my Dad leaving the country, he would transfer ownership of the jewels to him, retaining possesion until his death. I have the original of that agreement and another from my Dad that passes on ownership to me, in return for ... well, that's my business.

It was your father who kept the death of Grandpa secret for these 20 years and it was only by chance that Lord Reflection found out about THAT skeleton in your closet. You see, he was involved in the Tandoori Omelet Affair and so came in contact with Dad. On his return, he tried to look up old Grandpa, but could find no trace of him. Smelling a rat, he investigated and found out the truth. You can guess the rest.

And as for Stavro's claim, he would have a good one, except for being a mere nephew and my papers proving ownership.

anyone fancy a pint?

Ohhhhhhh Yeahhhhh!