h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Quoth the Murkrow] Second verse,/just like the first./A little bit longer/and a little bit worse.

Mama, just killed a man/put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead/Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama, I don't wanna die/I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all...Bohemian Rhapsody-one of the best rock songs of all time.

<BRIDGE & THIRD VERSE>
You know I couldn't help but laugh,
even though he treated me like slime.
Remember when he cut my car in half?
Well he really got me good that time!

Say, do you remember when I broke in Larry's house,
late at night and tied his mouth with a rag?
Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle
of the forest, and stuffed 'im in a big plastic bag!

If the cops ever find him, who knows what they'll say,
but I'm sure if ol' Lare were still with us today,
he would have to agree with me,
it was a pretty good gag!

Boy, what a joker, what a funny, funny guy,
I'll never forget about Larry,
No matter how I try...no matter how I try...
</BRIDGE & THIRD VERSE>

Thank you! Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience! Good night everybody!

*Gives a few people high fives before dissapearing into another room (doesn't matter which one, seeing as I'm still in the maze)*

I still think the eels are better...

Now here is my favourite song:

I saw a werewolf with a chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fuk's
For to get a big dish of beef chow mien

Chorus
Ah-oooh werewolves of London
Ah-oooh
Ah-oooh werewolves of London
Ah-oooh

You hear him howling around your kitchen door
You better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated last night
Werewolves of London again

[chorus]

He's the hairy handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
You better stay away from him, he'll rip your lungs out Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor

[chorus]

Well I saw Lon Cheyney walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw Lon Cheyney Junior walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
And his hair was perfect

[chorus]

Ah well, I might as well sing it then...:

# I would have liked you to have been deep frozen too,
# and waiting still as fresh in your flesh for my return to Earth,
# but your father refused to sign the forms to freeze you.
# Let's see - you'd be about 60 now, and long dead by the time
# that I return to Earth; my time-held dreams are of you as you were -
# still underage.

# Your android replica's playing up again, it's no joke.
# When she comes, she moans another's name. But that's the spirit of the age.

# I am a clone, I am not alone,
# every fibre of my flesh and bone is identical to the others.
# Everything I say and do is in the same tone as my test-tube brothers' voice.
# There is no choice between us,
# and if you had ever seen us,
# you'd consider every weakness
# something special of your own.

# Being a clone, I have no flaws to identify -
# even this doggerel which pours from my pen
# has just been written by
# another twenty thousand telepathic men
# all word for word.
# It says "Oh for the wings of any bird
# other than a battery hen". But that's the spirit of the age.

etc.

This post has been removed.

Oh, and having been to several Hawkwind gigs, I have the definite suspicion that they were the band which inspired DNA to create "Disaster Area"...

Lemmy. He was the son of as vicar. not a lot of people know that.

I'm sorry... I heard this on the radio today and I just couldn't resist.


I'm Henry the eighth I am
Henry the eighth I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry
Henry the eighth I am

Second verse same as the first

I'm Henry the eighth I am
Henry the eighth I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry
Henry the eighth I am

------ lead guitar ------

I'm Henry the eighth I am
Henry the eighth I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry
Henry the eighth I am

H-E-N-R-Y
Henry (Henry)
Henry (Henry)
Henry the eighth I am, I am
Henry the eighth I am

Yeah!

Ah, yes, one of the classic never ending songs. That ol' Henry the VIII, I've annoyed many a road trip with that one...

Okay, here's another song. I'm just warning you that it's in bad taste.


Since you've been gone,
It feels like I've been chewin' on tin foil,
Since you've been gone,
It's like I've got a great big mouth full of cod-liver oil.

Well I'm feelin' like I've shoved my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on,
You know I've been in a whole lotta pain,
Since you've been gone (well, since you've been gone).

I couldn't feel any worse if you
dropped a twelve pound bowling ball on my toes,
(since you've been gone)
I couldn't hurt any more if you shoved a
red hot cactus up my nose.

Since you've been gone,
I feel like I'm getting tetanius shots everyday,
Since you've been gone,
It's like I've got an ice cream headache
that won't go away.

Ever since the day you left me,
I've been so miserable my dear,
I feel almost as bad as I did,
When you were still here!


That was "Since You've Been Gone," one of my favorite duwop melodies. But I've got favorites that people would probably frown on even more (such as Trigger Happy, a song that'd probably be fairly appropriate for this forum.)

# I've got an AK-47, 'cause you know it makes me feel all right,
# There's an Uzi by my pillow; helps me sleep a little better at night

etc.

[Quoth the Murkrow] Yaark!

Yeah, that's it. My favorite part is the second verse.

"Oh I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den
(shot Daddy in the den)
I mistook 'im in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again.
(drug-crazed Nazi again)
Now why'd you have to get so mad?
It was just a lousy flesh wound, Dad.
You know I'm, Trigger Happy, Trigger Happy everyday!"

I'll stop now. I don't want to state some of those lyricks. I've heard worse elsewhere on h2g2, but it's the kind of thing that just doesn't sound funny if you don't have the music (think Beachboys).

Hmmm. well.

very nice. we have a lot of time on our hands, dont we?

I always thought it was "drug-crazed nutsy"...

No, I'm pretty sure that it's "drug-crazed Nazi." Especially when you consider all of the anti-Nazi phrases in a few of his other songs (such as "Just One Of Those Days", and "Talk Soup").

And yes, we do seem to have a great deal of time on our hands.


"Just the place for a Snark!"
The Bellman cried, as he landed his crew with care,
Supporting each man on the top of the tide
By a finger entwined in his hair.

"Just the place for a Snark!
I have said it twice, that alone should encourage the crew!
Just the place for a Snark!
I have said it thrice; what I tell you three times is true!"

[Quoth the Murkrow] What's a Snark??

but the snark WAS a boojum, you see?

say no more.

Well, Quoth, as most literate comedic poets will tell you, there are two kinds of Snarks: the kind that is a Boojum, and the kind that is not.

"'For while some Snarks do no manner of harm,
(yet I feel it my duty to say),
some are Boojums-' the Bellman broke off in alarm,
for the baker had fainted away!"

The Hunting Of The Snark is one of the best poems ever written. It was written by Lewis Caroll, who wrote other fairly well known stories, such as Jabberwocky, Phantasmagora, Sylvie & Bruno, Through The Looking Glass, and (most well known) Alice In Wonderland.

[Quoth the Murkrow] Er, okay, but I've forgotten that one, I think. Yaark!