h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We the firm of Zebedee, Zebedee and Boing! have been appointed to represent FAB (Fir trees against Blenders) to request that you desist from your encouragement of the practice of putting trees in blenders. Failure to do so will lead either to leagle acshun, or a visit of the Chipping Machine to your premises.

You again, eh?
*sigh* Once again, your research department seems to be sadly lacking in their performance.

I do NOT put trees of any sort in blenders. Even the strongest Osterizer wouldn't hold up to that sort of mistreatment. The damages wouldn't be covered under warranty. Do you think I'm stupid or something?

As for your contingent of firs... rather presumptious of them to assume that a MoGgie bellydancing looks anything like THEM in a blender. It's much more the effect of a Royal Palm lurching around and slinging coconuts. Got the picture?

For the record, I don't encourage anyone to actually put any sort of tree in a blender. Of course, if someone out there is sooooo impressionable that he can't resist the impulse... which one do you really think is gonna win? The tree or the blender?

Call off your leagle beagles, sir. Their bark is bigger than their bite.

Sorry then, we'll just have to book the Commando Ents on a plane....
Ps. we've known some very sappy trees and how do you think they make (whispered aside) wood pulp?

* pops out of the woodwork*

WOOD PULP?
Did you say WOOD PULP????

I can't heeeeeeeear youuuuuuuuuuuuu

< with sang froid>
Then take the twigs out of your ears!

*takes twigs out of ears and turns into a *

Sang froid? For me?
That'll buy you a little time.

When the berserk is upon me, and the garlic nestles in my cheeks and the sharpened stakes are snuggled in my loincloth, I fear nought....

When the berserk is upon me, and the garlic nestles in my cheeks and the sharpened stakes are snuggled in my loincloth, I fear nought....

When the berserk is upon me, and the garlic nestles in my cheeks and the sharpened stakes are snuggled in my loincloth, I fear nought....

hehehe
Especially when you say it three times to give it a cachet of sanctity, eh?

*POUNCE*

Twasn't me it was the Library server.
BTW, that's who you bit!
Wonder if its a virgin?

Alas, it was a tired old whore who's been everywhere and done everything.

*genteely wipes lips on his loincloth*

You think I'm gonna get busted for spitting?

Well I'd prefer it if you hadn't done it on my loincloth ( I only Hide Food-ed it last week!)

Shall I take you out for a stake?