h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

maybe, in the hierarchy of stick-like things up ones a***, the bass guitar is top rank.
i.e. drum sticks are the shortest, a guitar neck is longer, but a bass guitar neck is really long.

So, the less hurt, the more jokes...??

*Roy casts his mind back to hanging around Eastcote Music, Margate, in 1990, and the jokes contained therein*

I believe that the bass player joke is:

Q: What's half way between a drummer and a musician?

A: A bass player.

Though, having recently realised how thoroughly dreadful my bass playing is (how did my timing get *so* bad?) I should probably shut up!

'how come there are no bass player jokes?'

A businessman lands in Africa for a conference...because he is rather tired through the jet lag he goes straight to his hotel and retires for the night...

In the morning refreshed and in good spirits he goes down for breakfast...

He sits down... and his orange juice arrives courtesy of a waiter...he sips it and relaxes in the early morning sunshine that is streaming in through the veranda doors of the hotel breakfast room.....

The day is bright and warm...and because it is early morning really quite...

Suddenly he hears in the far distance a rhythmic beating start up...

boom ...boody boom... boody boom...

He asks the waiter..."what is that noise ?"

"Oooh..!...that is bad news...if the sound stops we are all in deep deep trouble Mister...and that is very bad news..."...

and he hurries away back to the kitchens for the toast...!

The rhythm picks up an extra dimension in its pattern and gets slightly louder...

Boom... tiddy boom... tiddy boody boom boom...boody boom...

The waiter returns with the toast and the guest asks again..."what on earth is that cacophony out there...please tell me what is going on.?"

Waiter gazes through the open veranda doors and listens a few seconds to the beat...he turns extremely pale and starts getting very shaky...

"Ooooh Mister! ... that is the worst news you could ever ever imagine...very bad karma...we are all doomed...if it ever stops I dread to think what will happen.....for all our sakes it must keep going..."

And he shuffles off for the Bacon and eggs...

The sound reaches an incredible pitch and complexity in volume and pattern ....

The waiter returns and the guest then asks...

"Now look here...I demand to know what that incredible racket is and what it means...".....Suddenly the sound stops completely..there is total deathly silence now...accept for the sharp intake of shocked breath from the waiter...

The waiter looks at the guest and says...

"now we are doomed to eternity" he stammers...

"But why?" asks the guest now starting to get really alarmed...

The waiter looks back through the veranda doors with a look of dread...awe and sickening fear....

"because now we are going to get the bass solo..."

(I lay the blame for the above firmly and irrevocably at the feet of Bono from U2....)

*looks at bass guitar and considers a bass solo*

Nooooo!





Maybe not all bass solos are that bad...I quite like Andy Fraser's bass solo in Mr. Big.

Bass solos, drum solos, guitar solos...

If musicians are going to show off we should do it in the tunes (can you imagine Les Claypool doing a bass solo? What would be the point?)

Of course, one listen of a Neal Peart drum solo puts that last sentence in its place!

guitar solo's are a necessary part of nature and a result of Darwinian Evolution. Homo guitariensis forma solo
Bass solo's however, that's one of the quirks of nature and probably doomed to extinction. I've never met a bass guitar player that likes to play a solo. But then again, I've never met a guitar player that likes to NOT play a solo.
Drummers and guitar players: the most annoying people on a rehearsal: they always feel the need to keep playing, even when someone els is talking.

It's called a musical accompaniment. It's what you normally do when there's a vocalist. If they want to talk "a cappella", then they should wear a sign.

and a white jacket with very long sleeves