h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We both know why you have to go off line don't we, Miss Mitty...

Well, I know that I had to go and pick up my daughter.

For you that would be a trip to Rwanda would it not?

Ah !insult my family, now , missy ?

Certainly not, Jack. Mt focus is on you alone.

I merely meant that for you to disappear from the board to run an errand, it would gain some sort of legendary status. You would fly off to Rwanda, topple a dictator and be back in time for cornflakes.

In your head, at least.

And again with the Missy. Who is this woman you suspect me of being.

You must have wronged her quite a bit to see her work everywhere.

Again your ego betrays itself. Toppling dictators in Rwanda ? This woman i have wronged ? (Madness) see her work everywhere? Just in you, Lady MacBeth

No ego, Jack, just trying to ground you. Being off the site for a few weeks does not mean you were returned to your unit, Jon Rambo style to get the job done.

Or maybe you're in the A-Team.

This woman you think I am is your creation, son. That's coming from somewhere.

So, what regiment were/are you in/command?

So what colour is the hackle ?

Hey there - are going to talk or what?

Am online now, Gill.

See you on messenger.

You want to know the hackle colours, then I will tell you.

What lot were you in?

Still you prevaricate.

Dismissed.

No prevarication. It's just that I revealed some info about my Regiment, then you cried off saying you owe me nothing.

It's not that I don't trust you not to show me yours if I show you mine, but you now have past form for it.

Oh, and you're a liar, so that's two to one.

And still you lie, English.

You're English, John.

Born and still live in Liverpool.

Or was that a lie too?

Never said otherwise. But you didn't answer properly, did you ? Think about it, english...

My name is John. My friends call me Jack. You are neither, Christian, so until you have the courtesy to reveal your, ahem, 'Real Name', you will refer to me by my title- either one, Captain or Mister, I don't care which. Time to stop hiding, little miss.

Right, gotta dothe do outdoors. Maybe back later, Ladies and gentlemen. Those currently watching the progress, I will be in touch later (usual method); see you all next time. looking forward to hearing your impressions

CJA

Well, Captain has to be earned. When you provide proof of such, I'll be glad to call you it. You provided Fred proof of something to his face which he claimed ws fake ID. Here's a thought, why would a man like you sent in to root out corruption at the call centre need to chummy up to and prove himself superior to someone like Fred. From the tone of the early posts it was "Morning, Jack. Morning, Fred" to start with then you had some falling out when he said you can claim what you like on here but in the call centre to your fellow drones is not good form. Colleagues who fall out, not hunter and prey engaged in a game of corporate security cat and mouse.

Well, until such proof presents itself, it's just Jack.

Let's see where were we?

Oh, that's right. You were dodging the question of what regiment you were in. Come on, Jack, let's be men about it. We'll just announce our respective Regiments and move on.

I have given, you have not. I have a hackle. What do you have? Sandy beret? Hmmn, the mistake about Brecon would indicate not. Red beret? Nope, I think it would clash with the auburn hair. Raspberry Beret by Prince? Now we could be talking.

I can wait a week for the dude in Aldershot to get back to me, but if you want to prove me wrong right here then go for it!

I mean, you're wrong about me being female, so that's not a good sign is it? That PI badge you have (according to what I have read) isn't getting it's full use, is it? Must be why you work in a call centre.

Knocked off early tonight, have they?

You need to get a pc at home. How did you term it...?
"Sorry, I didn't realise times were that hard..."
Well, so long as you have your health, eh?

Gotta work tomorrow, but since we live on barracks I'll pop over for lunch in case you are on.

Try and stay on focus.

Think Regiments, Brecon, period of service, etc. Not fictional films where men (real men, mind!) are called back to action by a government in need. None of the...
"I'm sorry, Captain Jack, but only you can defend the Kin-, sorry, Queen."
"Damn! I was just settling down to quit killin' and build an orphanage out of rocks! Damn this crazy war!!"

That never happens, ok?

The idea of you being Reserves or TA and going away for a few weeks is far too ridiculous to contemplate. It's not done that way, son. saturdays and Sundays with the occasional weekday exercises for full scale drills.

Have a think and get back to me.

Oh, and it's Gurkha, not Ghurkha. Common mistake for the uninitiated, but not for a Four Star General like yourself.

God bless!

Oh boys boys boys - come on - keep it coming!!
Who's turn is it next???

Hi there.

It's actually Jack's "turn" to try and come up with rather large fib about serving in the Armed Forces. Hopefully of this nation/universe.

I did some reading over the weekend and discovered some absolute whoppers, one of which is so large and obvious that there is absolutely no way it could be true without the use of a time machine.

Because of the "replacing troops being rotated" lie I got involved here, but the lies have been going back ages it seems.

If he'd have just admitted to not being in the Forces (as is evident) I'd have been happy to let this all drop and would have even applauded him for his new found honesty. I'm not trying to convert him to my faith or anything or even provide absolution for him. I am just defending the honour of the men and women who have served in the Armed Forces who have to suffer this wannabe crap all the time.
Due to his arrogance and continued lies about my profession I have decided to expose more of his "terminological inexactitudes".

I don't know why he just can't be honest. No-one will think any less of him.

And the beat goes on...