h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, sure, allude to the fact that 'Mongi' sounds cooler (however wrong it is), but forget the fact that I used several distinctly contradicting verb tenses... I threw blounded in there because I felt under pressure not to cite the same distinctly wrong-sounding versions of blinded as you two.

blound. I just like blound. I am standing on the ground. I sometimes walk around. Look at this money that I found. I fell in a puddle and nearly drowned..............hmmmmm

Not only DOES "mongi" sound cooler, it makes sense! Think about it:

-Platypi

-Octopi

-Cacti

See? If a multi-syllable noun ends in a "(vowel)-s" sound, then its plural should be "i." Besides mongi, here are other things that should be changed:

-cabooses - cabi or caboosi

-walruses - walri

...Idii (pronounced id-eee-eye)

Unexplained: Who comes up with this stuff?!

Well, I'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but...

I think there are secret commitees of subterranean gnomes that come up with these words, their sole purpose being to make and break patterns of English grammar and make our language the MOST ILLOGICAL ON THE PLANET!! MUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

... Would they be in allegiance with the Underwear Gnomes?

......Or possibly the Left Boot Fairy?

I don't think that there's any coordinated alliance or conspiracy amongst the various gnomes of the world, and I think that alot of the people who buy in to that idea have fallen for anti-gnome propaganda. Each group of gnomes just has their own special niche. They carry out these rolls without any help from other gnome-groups and with no coordination from above. Thus, the English Language Gnomes, Underwear Gnomes, Car-Key Gnomes, Traffic-Cone Gnomes, and "New" Economy Gnomes are all completely independent of one another. The idea that these disassociated groups are working together and secretly control the world is a malicious myth propagated by the various anti-gnome hate groups out there.

...and who the hell is the Left Boot Fairy?

My mother's gripe is sock gnomes... socks are sometimes considered underwear, which is supposed to be Underwear Gnome territory... you see my confusion. (Curiously, our family sometimes has trouble throwing out old underwear, typically held together by six tiny particles of elastic by the point we decide to let them go. We throw them out, and they show right back up again clean and more worn-out, right on the top of the clean laundury pile! Do they not want our underwear?! I'm hurt!)

What there are no Gnomes for: relatives, leftovers (unless it was good chinese or thai... there are already gnomes that steal those specific leftover types), dust, red tape, inappropriate presents that you would't be able to get rid of any other way, visible panty lines, wrinkles, rap, teeny-boppers, Britney Spears, infomercials, hair that grows out of highly unusual places, etc.

Thought: It just occoured to me that the're ARE gnomes for these things-- they are the ones that distribute it to the general populous, of course. What else could account for Britney Spears and infomercials?

I believe The Left Boot Fairy is the one who takes my left boot from where I leave it at night and moves it to another place in the house. It6 happens regularly.

You must have a night light or something-- why would she never accidently swipe your right boot?

If she's a left boot fairy, than obviously she has some sixth sense for determining left boot from right. She wouldn't NEED to visually examine a piece of footwear in order to determine its placement. It's just second nature to her.

... kind of like how my big toe doesn't need to inspect an object in the dark to make sure if it's hard and painful or not, it just KNOWS, and seemingly takes great pleasure in being stubbed...

(I can't really blame it, it's the only attention it ever really gets...)

After one of my hiking trips, MY big toe managed to draw attention to itself for several months by developing a dark, ugly bruise under the nail. The moral is: When going down a mountainside, don't wear boots that are fairly new and a kinda big on you.

That's excellent advice. The last time I climbed Mt. Washington I decided to wear a spiffy new pair of boots....Blisters are not my friends.

I climbed that mountain and didn't get a sratch. When we got back to the camp, however, I managed to trip on a log and slice my leg wide open.

(A sympathetic "OUCH!")


Yeah, on one of our camping trips, this one kid was trying to chop a log in the dark and, well...


...He still has all his fingers, but the wound required medical stapling. He was lucky that one of the other guys there was a doctor.

*Cringing at the thought of Kumabear (ACE? When did this happen?) 's posting*

YEOW!!!
Well, I recently went rafting w/ my uncle, and he asked if anyone wanted to jump into the water to see what it was like to go overboard. Naturally, guess who decides to proove that she's no wimp? Even more naturally, guess who misjudged the deph and rockiness of the riverbed? All I have to show for it is a fading bruise, but it was sooo comforting to hear my mother's shriek over the phone after not seeing her for a week that it was worth it...

ps
Having a great time so far at college... just got hooked up to the internet today, which explains the lagginess of this board...

Aaaahh...is there any pain like the pain of the outdoors?

No, I don't think there is.


So, have they thrown any "interesting" models at you yet? Or do they have you drawing milk cartons and toilet paper rolls?

*sob* I didn't even get INTO an art class! Because I live in hawaii, my mail-in registration got screwed up and all the beginning courses were filled w/ people that have time and credits to kill! *more gratuitous sobbing*