h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

sorry... http://www.datadesignsb.com/art/

oh, hell....nevermind.

???


There's an unexplained phenomenon: why websites only disappear when you want to show something to somebody.

Don't forget the fact that the best results from a search query always lead to broken links. Somebody explain THAT phenomenon.

...oh, wait, Murphy's Law. Of course. That's what causes it.

But what led to Murphy's law, anyway?

Do we really want the toast to land butter side down deep inside? If we really REALLY wanted it to land butter side up, what's to stop it? Sure, some people can supposedly bend forks and diffuse clouds, but what of buttered bread?!

Actually, I've got a book called "The Way Things REALLY Work" that explains, among other things, the physics that cause toast to land jelly/butter-side down. It loses something without the diagrams, but I'll transcribe the first part of it here:

"Using same 2-billion-dollar supercomputer at Department of Agriculture recently employed in 10-year effort to determine which came first, chicken or egg (results classified), scientists at Bureau of Breakfast Affairs studied three basic 'burdened-bread' descent modes- 'Hand Bobble,' 'Plate Slide,' and 'Blade Flip'- to pinpoint exact reason why toast-drops always have 'worst-case outcomes.'

1. HAND BOBBLE
1: Temporary loss of toast-control during transfer to plate following jelly application elicits reflexive muscular overreaction. Abrubt upward movement of palm to reestablish positive hand/bread contact instead provides motive force to launch toast.

2: Greater specific gravity of dense jelly mass in relation to light, air filled toasted bread slice induces toast to curve into convex shape as it travels upward.

3: When toast reaches apogee of its trajectory, effect is sharply reversed. Bread now bends into concave shape, but unevenness of jelly distribution on toast surface results in off-center reflex point that deflects toast out of horizontal descent plane.

4: Once this unbalanced recoil is initiated, it continues until overturning motion of jelly-laden surface is halted by contact with kitchen floor.

..."

Of course, the book went on to describe the other two methods of dropping toast, but I don't feel like typing them out right now.

Okay! *perkily checks off buttered/jammed bread flipping on imaginary unexplained phenomena list* It has been explained. (I always figured it was something like that.)

But concerning the chicken and egg, I always assumed it was a bit of a question of religion. If you're a creationist, it was obviously a chicken. If you're an athiest (and therefore probably follow Darwin's doctrine) it was the egg, because the genetic manipulation would not occur once the animal is already hatched, but within the confines of the egg. If you're religious, but think that perhaps whip-bang-boom creationisim is off-base, the question is still up for grabs.

(Were you serious about them finding the answer? And it being classified?) I dunno, wierder things have happened, like scientists finding a day and X hours or so missing from the calendar at X year, and finding that in the Bible it mentions God slowing/stopping time at two seperate points, and the data matching perfectly.

Ummh, no, I wasn't serious at all. As far as I know, there IS NO Bureau of Breakfast Affairs, even. The whole book is actually a joke, and NOTHING in it should be taken seriously. A good portion of the book is to explain how things that we think of as malfunctions and screw-ups (why airlines lose your luggage, why anouncements at train stations are incomprehensible) actually occur by design. Of course, these aren't meant to be taken seriously, but alot of them are half-believable (like the toast thing).

I didn't think you were, but then people try to get you to believe the weirdest things sometimes... Sarcasm dosen't come across too well over text after all, does it?

(That's probably what got me in trouble on the LOTR board...)

But really, if you do spread the jam on thickly, it's bound to redistribute the weight unevenly. That part made sense.

Sometimes you need to tell people when you're writing sarcastically, yes. And yeah, the uneven layering of jelly probably DOES have something to do with it. But the other two scenarios were more nonsensical, like the plate slide. I don't feel like transcribing it all, this time, but the gist is this: You tip your plate too much, and the toast slides off. As it travels through the air, the raised jelly causes a "Bernouli Effect," creating lift. Due to the uneven surface of the jelly, however, toast stalls and nose-dives, pitching "face"-first onto the floor.

*checks off jam-side down toast doubly on imaginary list *

Anyone ever get the feeling that someone will call, you or e-mail you or anything like that, and then they do? What if you just think of them really hard? Sensitive to anyone in particular? I just had one heck of an episode...

...And I'm guessing that the "..." indicates that you want to discuss your episode, right?

Actually, no. I told the guy who e-mailed me about what had happened (usually I wouldn't, but this was a particuarly weird/vivid episode) and I want to see what he has to say about it. Maybe later, after he replies, but I wanna know what's going on first.

I'm just genuinely curious if it's common or not, because I get it every once in a while.

Three weeks ago I recieved an email from someone I haven't heard from for five years. I had been thinking about her alot at the time. The STRANGE thing is that my name is not listed on any of my email accounts and she found me on one that noone but myself knows of. I still haven't replied.

Reply, man! Such a coincidence as that (or really sneaky detective work) surely deserves a reply!

Unless, of course, you didn't want to be found by her. In that case, RUN!

My first instinct was to run....second was to reply...third was to forget about it. I had forgotten that I had that account. I found the password written in some paper and checked it.....the message was sent that morning. Coincidence isn't the word I would use....

Oooooh. I feel the tension in this room. You were trying to elude her, and she knew it? (If I pry too deeply, by all means, let me know.)

She was (is) a strange one.

Here's how the message read. No name was attatched to it.

"Where is my letter? You promised."

that was all.

I was supposed to send her some mail way back. never did.....I guess that introduces more unexplained phenomena.....why can't some people take a hint?

Run, while you can.

(There was one friend of mine that just couldn't take a hint, and she stuck to my backside for a whole eight months, until I finally told the sap off. Normally I'd feel absolutely terrible about this, but I tried every subtle ploy imaginable to make her go away. She eventually drove even the poeple that pitied her to action, and they all dropped her. She was already grossly overweight and had a not-so-good self-esteem, and pulled everyone she knew right down there with her. From there it was downhill. Okay, so I DO feel absolutely terrible about it, but there was really no other way barring faking my own death.)