h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ATTENTION SHOPPERS! THIS IS A CUSTOMER ANNOUNCEMENT!
I have a logon thingy for EasyEverything that I most probably won't be able to use, since we don't have any EasyEverything places here in Greenock. It's got £0.96 left on it. Anyone want it?? First one to tell me they want it can have it!

This concludes this customer announcement.

And BTW. Welcome to the mad house, Alex!

Hmmmph, sounds like I missed all the fun!

EasyEverything in the middle of a saturday night isn't very much fun, mate.
I was going into my state of hangover while in front of the computer and the server connection kept breaking down. No fun at all.
But still, it was probably better than sitting outside Prince's Mall (or whatever it's called) all night, waiting for the train.

You could have stayed at my place, if one of us had been sober enough to think of it at the time.

And who were you calling drunk at least *we* took him somewhere. We didn't think he'd like to come on with us to CC's we weren't that drunk then.

Don't fight over me, boys.. I could've thought of it myself, you know. The bouncer at EasyEverything was a bit hesitant to let me in, though, since we weren't very sober-looking when we came stumbling along the street, arm in arm, singing "Flower of Scotland" and all..

They have Bouncers in Cyber-Cafes now? Eek.

They're there to march you to a cash machine if you look like you're just gonna hang about and not put any money in their nice computers. Or maybe to chuck guys out who think Easy Everything refers to the women who use the place.

He stood really threatening-looking in front of the door, telling us that we couldn't come in unless we could prove to him that we weren't as drunk as he thought we were, and that we also had to quiet down. SO I guess that was the third time the party was told to shut up..

Hang on... you mean you weren't as drunk as he thought you were?

That's simple - all you need to do is first make him think you're much drunker than you really are...

You see? You see what I miss when I get dragged away early?
Next time I am there until the bitter end! Even if it means EasyEverything or somebodys floor!

As Peet said, it's all about appearances. If you sound really drunk and disorderly when you approach the door, and then all of a sudden can stand without swaying too much, they get really confused. Bouncers aren't the world's smartest people, you know. (They are, however, usually pretty big and burly, so if I offended any bouncers out there, please don't look me up and beat me to a bloody pulp, okay?)