h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How hard can it be to get out of a pair of trousers without injuring yourself? Too hard for me, apparently

I've been saying for years, we need quick release trousers.... Just for safety porposes....

*is reminded of blackadder, wtih the prince trying to get into* the trousers*

Quick release trousers... good idea In fact, quick release clothing - push a button and everything falls to the floor.

Or the button lights up and says 'Please do not press this button again', in which case you're stuck in your clothes forever. Pee yew.

Ah, I see one very big problem with this idea - the button. It would have to be password-protected to stop people pushing it while you're out in public

When I was a kid, a father of a friend fractured a leg while putting on his trousers. This was some time after having a traumatic accident that fractured that leg in 12 places. He was held together with pins, rods and plates so refracturing his leg while pulling on his jeans wasn't that unexpected.

Now that I'm thinking of him I consider how much he looked like an amalgam of Bruce Dern and Henry Fonda.

quick release clothing lke that could be so* useful

I hope they didn't have to cut his jeans off when he went to the casualty department to get the fracture fixed That would be too ironic.

Trousers are more dangerous that you'd expect. There are some stats for accidents involving clothing and trousers are the worst offenders.

Oh, and did you see A447338 - which I put onto the FP just yesterday?

Stats for accidents involving trousers link below. I know this is a bit old, but as far as I can remember trousers haven't been given any safety guidelines in the last decade. Nor do you have to write a Health and Safety Audit before making arrangements to get dressed/undressed.

My idea, posted, as it happns, on twitter, waht, one or two days back, was that all* trousers should have velcro fastenings instead of the zip-fly, or button fly; for err, ease of access...

Having once done, what was described in that article, I personally went for the quick* no hesitation pulling down of the zip, which for me at least, worked fine

Of course... far far worse things than a zip can do, can, and do happen... As my Father proved with an accident invovling a hedge cutter, and a lack of concentration this was, it shoudl be noted, not whilst he was young but, I doubt such DIY circumsisions are recommended by the medical profesion

Hmm... quick release trousers.... trouser related accidents.... zip fly related accidents... Yep. right. sorted. I only* wear skirts and dresses, because its the safest thing to do

I wish I had the lallies for a kilt, but if I was to wear one it'd look like there was a pair of pipe cleaners with boots on the end hanging out of it

Eminently sensible clothing during the Texas summer though.

I think I remember having a pair of swim trunks that had a velcro fly. I also seem to remember them being rather uncomfortable because of it.

Gosho; that is no excuse for not wearing a kilt... I mean... I look absolutely rediculus in a dress, or a skirt... doesn't stop me wearing them though

damn... I thought I might be onto something with the velcro fly...

I seem to remember the "hook" part of the velcro slowly turning more ginger over time.

And you wear these dresses to go to the butcher, the greengrocer, the pub, the park?

Bill Bryson, he is your man - not only is he funny about the differences between Brits and USians, but in one book he has a whole chapter on household injuries vs car/plane accidents.

You are more likely to die in a clothing related incidident than a plane crash and you have just added another point to the non-lethal clothing injury statistics!

His comments about people being injured by their clothing are not very flattering, mind you

Yeah, I mean, who would ever invent an item of clothing that you have to stand on one leg to put on and take off. Especially when

Not that I was this morning mind you, I just have poor balance these days

I should probably lean against something from now on.

to the butchers? the Pub? the green-grocers? Yeh, if I had my way I would. I'm as mad as a bucket of eels though; luckily for my butcher, pub landlord, and green grocer, William won't let me I mean... really... I could only ever be a 'bloke in a dress', not an otters chance in a supernova of my 'passing', lets face it anhow... I want to be served in all* those places, not thrown out However... they might react equally badly now, if I turn up in my sub/slave-collar hmmm... or, even worse, assume I've turned into a goth or soemthing

I've actually gotten better at houshold accidents... somehow, yeh, I still useually burn myself an cut myself, most days, whilst cooking, but that's just because... well they heel so quickly and I prefer not to do stuff slowely.... the more amusing accidents tend to be along the lines of my forgetting exactly* where I am, and misjudging the distance away of things, like walls or wardrobes.... and putting dents in them with my head, when I bend over or soemthing simular without calculating my position relatively to them, correctly Most trouser-related injurys I've had were typically... whilst someone else was in the room at the time I nearly got trapped in my corsett once... that was a bit worried, until I finally figured out how to release myself

Anyhow, back to your latest trouser-related injury, Gosho; was it a hospital job?

I think you could get away with wearing a Utilikilt at the butchers or wherever you feel like going. At least anywhere you'd be comfortable wearing shorts.

Trouser-Related Injuries.. didn't they do a session for John Peel some time around the early 80s? I remember them being a sort of Girls at Our Best/Chefs/Orange Juice kind of band.

Yeah, in Austin you can get away with wearing a Utilikilt no matter how unflattering your legs are, as long as the attitude is there.