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Random Ramblings 8/6/00
Posted Aug 6, 2000
A Breezer...have you ever tried these things? They're "flavored malt beverages"...flavored beer. I hate beer...musta missed that little part when I bought the things. However, they don't taste too bad so I'll just finish this one...on an empty stomach. Any misspellings or bad grammer is all to be blamed on alchohol induced ramblings.
It's 10 till 2 in the morning. My husband is out playing D&D and my daughter is with her grnadparents tonight. I lov her too death, but I'm glad I don't have to keep an eye out for her tonight. P.S. I never drink when my daughter is here. In fact I rarely drink at all and if I do it's "girly" drinks. I can't stand that taste of alchohol. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, I'm sitting here staring at the screen and bored out of my mind. I could go to bed, but I slept in today and am now wide awake and probably will be for another few hours. If I had friends I'd be talking to them now.
Boy, you must think I'm some kind of loser. I'm not really. At least I don't think I am. I don't have many friends mainly because I'm so introverted it's even getting on my nerves. I'm always so terrified that people will think I'm annoying or whatnot that when I DO meet new people, I clam up. In fact. a lot of people in my high school thought I was stuck up because I didn't talk to them. And here I was thinkng the same about them. Again, irony.
Online now...that's a whole new story. I can be as outgoing as I want with no worries. Why? because no one can see me. Because to them I'm just a computer person talking through a monitor. Because online, people aren't "real". Come on now...you have to admit it. How many times have you sat there talking to someone and thought, "Gee, theres someone half way across the world, sitting in front of a computer and thinking with a human brain and contemplating what I'm saying and responding to it!" Unless we meet these people, they shall forever remain a digital being. You're computer with a personality.
I once dated a guy online. He lived in Texas, I lived in Ohio. We told each other we loved each other. When I actually met someone in real life, I told this other person and suddenly realized.."S**T! This was an actual HUMAN BEING and I've just hurt them!!"
Ah ah ah. Don't be upset with me thinking I'm cruel. Remember, we've all taken advantage of the internet....and...incidentaly, that was the only time in my entire life I ever broke up with someone for someone else. While on a scale of 1 to 10 I consider myself a 6, I was never "beating them off with a stick." I think I could make a guy look twice, but that was about it. At least I'm honest.
So why am I writting all this? Because I'm drunk, or getting there. Or maybe I'm tired. Or maybe I'm restless. Maybe I just need to confess. To talk. To tell about my life. To leave a mark in civilization because I may never do anything great, or awe inspiring enough to be remembered by anyone but my family. OR maybe I'm just bored. We do things we don't understand all the time. It's called life. It's called being. It's called survival. It's called human.
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Latest reply: Aug 6, 2000
Random Ramblings 9/6/00
Posted Aug 6, 2000
A Breezer...have you ever tried these things? They're "flavored malt beverages"...flavored beer. I hate beer...musta missed that little part when I bought the things. However, they don't taste too bad so I'll just finish this one...on an empty stomach. Any misspellings or bad grammer is all to be blamed on alchohol induced ramblings.
It's 10 till 2 in the morning. My husband is out playing D&D and my daughter is with her grnadparents tonight. I lov her too death, but I'm glad I don't have to keep an eye out for her tonight. P.S. I never drink when my daughter is here. In fact I rarely drink at all and if I do it's "girly" drinks. I can't stand that taste of alchohol. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, I'm sitting here staring at the screen and bored out of my mind. I could go to bed, but I slept in today and am now wide awake and probably will be for another few hours. If I had friends I'd be talking to them now.
Boy, you must think I'm some kind of loser. I'm not really. At least I don't think I am. I don't have many friends mainly because I'm so introverted it's even getting on my nerves. I'm always so terrified that people will think I'm annoying or whatnot that when I DO meet new people, I clam up. In fact. a lot of people in my high school thought I was stuck up because I didn't talk to them. And here I was thinkng the same about them. Again, irony.
Online now...that's a whole new story. I can be as outgoing as I want with no worries. Why? because no one can see me. Because to them I'm just a computer person talking through a monitor. Because online, people aren't "real". Come on now...you have to admit it. How many times have you sat there talking to someone and thought, "Gee, theres someone half way across the world, sitting in front of a computer and thinking with a human brain and contemplating what I'm saying and responding to it!" Unless we meet these people, they shall forever remain a digital being. You're computer with a personality.
I once dated a guy online. He lived in Texas, I lived in Ohio. We told each other we loved each other. When I actually met someone in real life, I told this other person and suddenly realized.."S**T! This was an actual HUMAN BEING and I've just hurt them!!"
Ah ah ah. Don't be upset with me thinking I'm cruel. Remember, we've all taken advantage of the internet....and...incidentaly, that was the only time in my entire life I ever broke up with someone for someone else. While on a scale of 1 to 10 I consider myself a 6, I was never "beating them off with a stick." I think I could make a guy look twice, but that was about it. At least I'm honest.
So why am I writting all this? Because I'm drunk, or getting there. Or maybe I'm tired. Or maybe I'm restless. Maybe I just need to confess. To talk. To tell about my life. To leave a mark in civilization because I may never do anything great, or awe inspiring enough to be remembered by anyone but my family. OR maybe I'm just bored. We do things we don't understand all the time. It's called life. It's called being. It's called survival. It's called human.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 6, 2000
A discussion of Dreams 8/2/00
Posted Aug 3, 2000
What exactly are dreams? I think the dictionaries say that they're subconcsious thoughts generated by an overactive mind...or something to that effect. Some say they're what you really want. If that's the case then I'm in big trouble. Some say they are the manifestations of our inner desires...which I guess could be true. I mean we all dream about being rich, or scoring with that person that seems unatainable, right? But then, how do you explain the ever popular naked in public dreams? Or how about the nightmares? I shudder at the thought.
Recently I wondered if it were possible to become addicted to sleeping. I should have been more clear in that I ment addicted to dreaming. When you're poor, dreams of unending wealth can really be stimulating. If you're a weakling, dreams of being the big, bad-a@@ could appeal to you. If you're not getting any (which I have recently dealt with) dreams of sex can REALLY be enticing. Especially if they're with different people. Basically you're fantisies. Now, honestly, who WOULDN'T want those kind of dreams??
What ARE dreams? Why do we dream such weird things, scary things, wonderous things, and inspiring things? What part of our brain registers that "hey, body's asleep, lets go play!" And then there are the people who have the power to control them. I've hit upon this once or twice. A truly wonderous experience if I do say so. Like living your life exactly how you want it. Vivid dreams so real you're confused when you wake up, or terrified of stepping out of bed lest something grab you...yet you KNOW it isn't real...
What was God thinking when he said, "Let man dream". Not a direct quote, obviously. But these mysterious pictures can be addictive. Like a new story each night and you wonder what it will be about and how it will end...if it has time to end before the alarm goes off or the sun wakes you.
What are they?
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 3, 2000
What the.....8/2/00
Posted Aug 2, 2000
Why do people have to be rude?? Honestly, I ask a question, rate someone's answer as neither good or bad and they have the nerve to say I'm self-centered and a know-it-all. Good GOD man! You post an answer and you subject yourself to being rated! Some answers are just not my style and if you have a problem with that, blow it out your a@@. WWW.whquestion.com. I love the site. You ask questions, people answer. Some people seem to think that if you don't give them a good rating, that you have something against them. Come on! Maybe I don't agree to what they see as a simple solution. If I didnt know how to tell my husband he needs to loose weight and someone says "Just say he's fat and you'll leave him if he doesn't change." If I don't think this is a good idea, then why shouldn't I voice my opinion?! Yet when I tell them, "Nah, I don't think I should do that" they get offended! Really! This is my life! I make the choices! I ask for you OPINION, not your command. Get with it!
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Latest reply: Aug 2, 2000
Money, money, everywhere but my pockets are always bare 8/1/00
Posted Aug 1, 2000
If the economy is going up, then why are we strugging to make ends meet? They say everyone is getting richer, but I beg to differ. Oh wow..that was a really bad rhyme there...geez, I can't even spell! Oh well. I need a job, but I've gone over this before so why bother boring myself with the ever consistant details. A vicious cycle, truly. I know there are legitimate work at home jobs out there. I know it. BUt you have to pay 60 bucks for the book that tells you where they are...then again, is the book even legit?
Truth? Of course, everyone wants the truth. We could live fine on Jesse's income. He makes a good amount for 3 people to live on. It's the needless spending we do that makes it difficult. A little eating out here, a little outfit there, maybe just this little piece of software that costs $20. It adds up. It really does. I'd like to say it's all him. That I don't go anywhere and spend anything. My days are filled with staying home and watching the baby. I only buy gas and maybe the occasional clearance item every once in a while. While my spendings are significantly less then him, they are still needless. If we could just get a budget! If I could create a working one that we could stick to for 3 monthes! We could get hold of the finances and pay off that stupid credit card. It sounds to east. So simple. So why can't we do it?
Why can't we?
Should I try again? I've already tried 2 or 3 times. I can't even keep to it myself. It's a matter of will. I guess mine needs practice. I'll do it. Create a budget. Maybe then we could start saving for our daughters future. College will probably cost an arm and leg and then some by the time she gets there....but I smile anyway. Why? Who know? Just because.
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Latest reply: Aug 1, 2000
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Seakrits
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