This is a Journal entry by Seakrits

Random Ramblings 9/6/00

Post 1

Seakrits

A Breezer...have you ever tried these things? They're "flavored malt beverages"...flavored beer. I hate beer...musta missed that little part when I bought the things. However, they don't taste too bad so I'll just finish this one...on an empty stomach. Any misspellings or bad grammer is all to be blamed on alchohol induced ramblings.

It's 10 till 2 in the morning. My husband is out playing D&D and my daughter is with her grnadparents tonight. I lov her too death, but I'm glad I don't have to keep an eye out for her tonight. P.S. I never drink when my daughter is here. In fact I rarely drink at all and if I do it's "girly" drinks. I can't stand that taste of alchohol. Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, I'm sitting here staring at the screen and bored out of my mind. I could go to bed, but I slept in today and am now wide awake and probably will be for another few hours. If I had friends I'd be talking to them now.

Boy, you must think I'm some kind of loser. I'm not really. At least I don't think I am. I don't have many friends mainly because I'm so introverted it's even getting on my nerves. I'm always so terrified that people will think I'm annoying or whatnot that when I DO meet new people, I clam up. In fact. a lot of people in my high school thought I was stuck up because I didn't talk to them. And here I was thinkng the same about them. Again, irony.

Online now...that's a whole new story. I can be as outgoing as I want with no worries. Why? because no one can see me. Because to them I'm just a computer person talking through a monitor. Because online, people aren't "real". Come on now...you have to admit it. How many times have you sat there talking to someone and thought, "Gee, theres someone half way across the world, sitting in front of a computer and thinking with a human brain and contemplating what I'm saying and responding to it!" Unless we meet these people, they shall forever remain a digital being. You're computer with a personality.

I once dated a guy online. He lived in Texas, I lived in Ohio. We told each other we loved each other. When I actually met someone in real life, I told this other person and suddenly realized.."S**T! This was an actual HUMAN BEING and I've just hurt them!!"

Ah ah ah. Don't be upset with me thinking I'm cruel. Remember, we've all taken advantage of the internet....and...incidentaly, that was the only time in my entire life I ever broke up with someone for someone else. While on a scale of 1 to 10 I consider myself a 6, I was never "beating them off with a stick." I think I could make a guy look twice, but that was about it. At least I'm honest.

So why am I writting all this? Because I'm drunk, or getting there. Or maybe I'm tired. Or maybe I'm restless. Maybe I just need to confess. To talk. To tell about my life. To leave a mark in civilization because I may never do anything great, or awe inspiring enough to be remembered by anyone but my family. OR maybe I'm just bored. We do things we don't understand all the time. It's called life. It's called being. It's called survival. It's called human.


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Random Ramblings 9/6/00

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