h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My, aren't we talkitive today?

Hey hey! I'm new here! Don't you have to be nice to me or something? .... Please?
I think I got it to work now, of course, I can't be sure...

Be nice? Nobody said I have to be nice. Just when you think things are going so well, somebody pops up and tells you to be nice. What is the world coming to? I'm pretty sure that being nice is not in my contract. Let me take a look.
*pulls her 1 mile long contract out of thin air and reads it*
Darn! I DO have to be nice.
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...
Okay, I'll be nice, but I won't like it.

*walks away, playing with a grenade and totally destroy what grasp of spelling she used to have*

You..er ..might want to...er ..put the pin back in that thing. I've only just had my first article approved and...er ..don't want to be blown to smithereens... please...

I like playing with this! They do it all the time on the ship that I (I as in a character of mine) work on.

*wraps an elastic band around the spoon and pulls the pin.* ... does anybody have some sort of slow burning object I can stick in this elastic?

...

Yes, as it happens I do but I'm not bloomin' well givin'it to you. Things might just get messy at the wrong time (like the grenade going off when I'm in the thread.

Couldn't I get you one of those toys they advertise on TV that sprays water when the timer goes off?

No, probably not. Have you always bees facinated by danger?

Would it help to know I used to juggle fire?

Have you got any chocolate I could eat?

... *droopy eared anime kitty face* ... you mean... you don't want to play with a grenade? I have a ultra-heavy-duty garbage can to put it in before it blows up. *points at the garbage can*

Really, it isn't that I am facinated by danger... just like the rush of playng with toys like this.

...

...

But if you won't help me...

I 'spose if you've got an...ultra-heavt-duty...dustbin to put it in *before* it blows up then I won't have to call my two favorite Guardian Angles (Health and Safety) to look after you.

Yeah, I...er ..could stick around... for a bit...

*hands slow burning objest to "anime kitty faced A"*

What should I call you?

Hey hey! Does it say anything in your contract about a grenade. Especially playing with a grenade in MY forum? Well, not my forum, really, you guys seem to be totally ignoring me here *face droops down, tears begin falling, then quickly realized nobody cares*

Well, alright then. Is that grenade still active? My pants might be able to take care of it. They can do ANYTHING.

How long does it take for a grenade to blow up anyway? Not that I want it to blow up in our face or anything.

*checks contract again* Nope, nothing wrong with grenades. Says here in paragraph 42, sentance 6 "I am entitled to play with about 3 grenades win a week, if I want". So there!

*Takes the slow burning object and sticks it in the elastic band*

Would anybody like to have a seat while I wait for this to burn the elastic? Anddon't worry, there will be lots of time to get this sucker in the garbage can. It has a custom timer, takes a good 42 seconds to blow up. So it has to be in the can at about 38 seconds.

superluminal! We not ignoring you! You just weren't around! *anime cute face and hugs (anime cute hugs usually involvethe huggie being suficated (??) by the hugger)*

Okay, pass the grenade, my favorite game.

*passes the grenade to superluminal then hides behind Anita/Abi*

*reluctantly catches grenade* Ooh, hot potato, hot potato. It's good thing my pants are explosion-proof. Unfortunately, the upper part of my body isn't. Oopsy daisy

*passes grenade to Anita, and hides behind the good Dr. Goof. Then realizes the Dr. is already hiding behing Anita, and backs away slowly*

The internet is a dangerous place.

*takes the grenade and sets it firmly on the table and watched it intently* This is a gam e to enjoy slowly. *jabs lithium in the leg with something sharp (lithiums legs go numb. never play this game with me)*

Hee hee hee

Luckily I can walk on my hands.

*goof "runs on his hands and handsprings into the ultra-strong dustbin*

It the grenade is out there then I'm hiding in here!

*peeks over the top of the bin*

*POP (elastic band is broken and the time starts ticking)*

Hee hee! You might want to get out of there! You have about 35 seconds to decide what you're going to do.

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And so on... (time is now paused until I get home from work)

*goof jumps, okay handsprings, from the bin making sure it is upright and in prime grenade catching position*

Oh, ****!

*starts to regain feeling in legs and walks/stumbles/falls into the corner of the room*

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...

*looks very concerned*

*smiles evily and tosses the grenade across the room* Here! Catch it!!

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(remember, has to be in the can by 5)

*catches the grenade clumsily* Hmm...feels all warm and toasty.

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9, no, wait, I mean 10!

*passes grenade*

*slams the grenade into the garbage can a few seconds early and throws the lid on it*

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0
*BOOM!! Garbage can is blown a few feet off the floor. it's still in one piece, a bit dented though*

Hey! That was fun stuff!!

*stops abusing her rights to be Anita Ryde and gives up on grenades*