Journal Entries
Why I was not here for half a year...(sorry)
Posted Feb 3, 2011
I was not allowed to use the computer for the first half of this year because one of my grades in school was too low.
Now, I am back, and I will be able to visit H2G2 often if I can keep my grade from going down again.
-Zaney
Discuss this Journal entry [5]
Latest reply: Feb 3, 2011
Nervous Breakdowns, Work, and Mushrooms
Posted Aug 28, 2010
If you don't know, I work at a kid's science museum. (Part time cause I'm just sixteen and still have to go to school. 
) That said, on with the story!
I thought it was going to be a normal weekend work day. Go to the museum, head down to the Idea Lab, show the kids how to make little solar powered cars, deal with annoying parents, go home.
How very wrong I was.
I knew something was off almost immediately; were ten times more people outside the museum than usual. That was strange; usually there were fewer people on nice sunny days (Even in summer, it's mostly fog around here in the San Francisco area.) like this one. That didn't bother me, though. I went inside like usual. The person behind the desk wasn't someone I knew, but that wasn't much out of the ordinary. I had only walked a few steps in the direction of the Idea Lab when I noticed the mushrooms.
What were all these mushrooms doing in the museum? What was with the huge sign saying "Mushroom Day"? It was supposed to be a roller coaster exhibit, but much of that was gone, replaced by mushrooms. There were tables filled with potted mushrooms, diagrams of the insides of mushrooms, and charts showing the many types of local mushrooms. This was enough to make me stop and look around nervously, but nobody was running around yelling, "Who put the mushrooms here?" so I assumed it wasn't a problem. I continued on my way.
There were even more mushrooms downstairs, where the Idea Lab is. There were huge models of mushrooms in the hallways and, in every room I passed, there were tables full of mushrooms instead of the usual things. When I got to the Idea Lab, I practically had a heart attack. Instead of materials for making little solar powered cars, the tables had little trays of mushrooms on them, and little placards telling what type of mushroom they were. Instead of one of my normal coworkers, there was a guy wearing a brown t-shirt with a picture of a mushroom on it, and a little name tag that said "Bob, Mushroom Specialist".
I started hyperventilating, but there was nothing to do but act calm and try to find out what was going on. I walked into the Idea Lab, noticing on the way that the sign saying "Idea Lab" outside the door had been replaced by one saying "Types of Edible Mushrooms", and cautiously approached Bob, Mushroom Specialist. The conversation went like this:
Me: Excuse me, could you tell me what happened to the Idea Lab?
Bob, Mushroom Specialist: What's the Idea Lab?
Me: It used to be here, but now this is Types of Edible Mushrooms.
Bob, Mushroom Specialist: Sorry, but I don't know anything about that.
I left the room, feeling more nervous than when I had entered. Well, I decided, it shouldn't be hard to find a staff member I knew and ask them what was with all the mushrooms. I walked from room to room, but in every room there was an other mushroom exhibit and another Mushroom Specialist. I wandered around the hallways, looking for something familiar, but finding nothing. Only mushrooms.
Finally, I sat down on a bench facing a model of a Portabella and tried to come up with a plausible explanation. I couldn't, so I came up with a few implausible explanations.
1. Upon entering the museum I have stepped through a gateway to the future and landed myself at a time when this is a mushroom museum.
2. Somehow the museum got turned into a mushroom museum and I was not notified.
3. Mushrooms have taken over the world and are using propaganda to get children on their side.
Because there was nothing I could do if any of the implausible theories were right, I continued on the futile path of trying to find someone I knew. I think that was when I had a nervous breakdown, because I kept seeing Star Trek characters. I had been watching Deep Space Nine all morning, but that was still abnormal.
Fortunately for my sanity, every Star Trek character I saw turned out not to really look like them when I got a better view. That, of course, did not stop the constant appearance of Star Trek characters to worsen my mental condition. After a few minutes I had seen Captain Kirk, Sisko, Chief O'Brien, Troi, Dax, Kira, and Weyoun (A minor Deep Space Nine character; a member of the dominion.) In my nervous breakdown frame of mind, I realized that the only one of them wearing a Mushroom Specialist pin had been Weyoun, which gave me fourth implausible theory:
4. The Dominion has joined forces with the mushrooms and has made this museum their base as they plan their next attack, not knowing that characters from three different star trek generations have gone under cover to prevent their evil plot from succeeding.
I realized that enough time had passed that someone else would be at the front desk, so I ran upstairs, trying not to look at mushrooms on the way. The person at the desk was, in fact, someone I knew, and I was very relieved to be able to ask them what was going on.
Apparently, they had scheduled a mushroom day a long time ago, but had somehow missed emailing me. It would be over after that day, and I could go on with my life. My usual job wasn't necessary, so I could go home.
I did. I spent the rest of the day recovering and drinking tea, and went back to work later with the wonderful knowledge that mushroom day was over.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Aug 28, 2010
I was gone most of the summer. Remember me?
Posted Aug 14, 2010
I wasn't here most of the summer. 
So if you don't remember me, I will understand.
I did have a pretty good summer, though.
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Aug 14, 2010
Summer's here!
Posted Jun 12, 2010
Finally. I no longer have to spend all day chained to a desk only to come home and study because now I have summer vacation for 2.5 wonderful months. Starting today.
And, even better, I never, ever, have to do PE/Physical Education/Gym/Torture again. It isn't required next year.
No more running miles.
No more forty-five push ups a day.
No more horribleness.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Jun 12, 2010
My favourite joke.
Posted Jun 7, 2010
This is actually a sort of story my dad tells. He always tells it as though it were true, and the joke's best moment was when it was told at a family dinner and my uncle thought it was a true story.
So...
When my dad was young he used to go stay at his uncle's farm. His uncle had a pig named Wilbert.
Wilburt had a wooden leg.
One day, my dad asked his uncle, "Why does Wilbert have a wooden leg?"
"Well," his uncle said, "Before I tell you that, I have to tell you another story. A long time ago I was working in my tractor out in the fields when suddenly I fell over and started getting sucked towards the rotating blades. I thought I was done for when suddenly Wilbert came running out of nowhere, pulled me away with his hooves, and pushed the button that stopped the tractor."
"Yes," said my dad, "But why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well, before I tell you that, I have to tell you another story. One day I was handing some plants up on the roof of the barn to dry when, suddenly, I lost my balance and fell off the ladder and my heart stopped beating. Of course, I thought I was doomed but then, suddenly, Wilbert came running and gave me CPR."
"Yes, but why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well, before I tell you that, I have to tell you another story. One day I was out fishing by the river when I lost my balance, fell, in, and got pulled under water by the current. I thought I'd drown when suddenly, out of nowhere, Wilbert swam over and pulled me out of the river."
"Yes, but why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well," said my dad's uncle, "A good pig like that you don't eat all at one time."
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Jun 7, 2010
zaney_the_viper
Researcher U14290576
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."