Journal Entries
working things out
Posted Feb 18, 2004
I still dont know why I bother with this, I gess It is still an old habbit, I mave basically withdrwn totally from acting on the site basically becuse I am not shure If I am still welcome, well thats the wrong word becuase I am but still welcom in the few places I used to poste, maby I am making to abig a deal out of it but I dont really want to be in anyboddys way. so any way what have I realised, a large part of what is wrong with me at the moment and it is very sympal. I dont belong any where i have spent a good part of my life making shure that I diddent have to many strings, I like it that way really I do I like the abilaty to uproot and move on in a moments notice its great at least for me, but then I realise that I wont have that option any more. well if my marradge suvise the shit I am putting it throughright now I wont and what then I am so light I can flote away any time I dont have stings wich is good. but I dont have conexctions eather I mean for f**ks sake what do I want to do i mean I do what I think that I should that is best for me and now I realise I have suceeded far to well Jesus crist Ime a big mess why do I bother F**k it I need another drink
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Latest reply: Feb 18, 2004
Ime back
Posted Feb 12, 2004
in more ways than one, ime back at the house for those who give a s**t not shure what that means for me yet although it does scer the crap out of me you see all of you inclooding her ot a one sided reasion for me buggering offthat was kind of the point though I am not asking for fogivenessor absolution or whatever if I wanted or felt I needed that I would go to a prest. why is it here and not an email to soem of you because the rest wont know what I am on about simple I dont know how you will receve it if you want an expliation of sorts email me and you will get it if you want me to leave you alone leave any kind of messadge on this entry and againe you will get it. and if you want to snd me abuse I wouldent bother because it really wont make much of a differance, it is niothing I havent told myself any way and nothing that you lot are treallly unquolifyed to say considering you dont know what really went on anyy way this has come out wroge because I dont really do aplogies well so Ile leave it here
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Latest reply: Feb 12, 2004
why Imemore F***ed up than normal
Posted Feb 4, 2004
to be honist Ime not quite shure, although for the first time in my life Ime on happy pills wich is always good, before you ask why I am telling you this insted of being my usual untrusting self I have no idea, i used to for those who have been here long enough and been intersted for long enough to remeber write alot in my jornal about how I am so I gess I am going back to old habbits, any way other then the happy pills what els is happaning, not much really and that maybe part of the problem, I am still looking for work, I seem to be spending my life doing that. as well as the antidepressants I am also on sleeping pills wich I am not taking regulary because I dont really like being traped in nightmers but I do take them when I really need to sleep. as well as looking for work I am also lookin for my little mofo shes done a runner so I dont even have a drinkin buddy any more how good is that. ah for f**ks sake I should just sut up and get some coffy
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Latest reply: Feb 4, 2004
in all ferness MOFO
Posted Jan 23, 2004
you may find these phrases sudenly enter my vocabularyt for no apprent reasion well I should explane. the first friend I have maide since the shit went down with Alen (so a round of aplores people it only took me 6 months to trust somone even a little) called Jen Mcdonald seems to use these things for cach phrases. evry other word is MOFO or in all feress. she is nice though if a little insane. she also says ra ra ra wich is impressive and rather daunting. now why should I tell you about her simply becuse she is part of the story of how I ood the boot from my last job (wich was impressive)
to cut along story short insted of coming home I went and got my selff throughly lubricated with whiskey in her compony my wife freaked out and called the police. the police went round to the place where I worked and had a 4 houer long conversation where it was maide out that I was some sort of frek who had proberbly cut her up and stuffed her in a box somwhere so when I finally did come home about 1pm with a mild hang over and still a little aneebrated I called the nessary parties to be told I had the boot hat a shame so the good points I lost a shitty job and gained a great if insane friend
the bad points I scerd the shit out of my wife lost the only job I had and had the mother and farther of a hang over for the next day and a hrlf...I think I got the best out of the deal really.
please no repremands I dont nned them
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Latest reply: Jan 23, 2004
I wish people would let me know whats going on
Posted Jan 6, 2004
I am applying for jobs lots of them some in places I dont think I will get but have to apply for becuse the job is to good not to (yes I could do the job but 20 year olds arnt taken seriously enough) and people dont l;et you know whats going on its anying I dont know whether to bug them or not I have a training job in the place I am working in, a graduets scheem with the BBC among the few I am really waighting for I just wish they would let me know so I could stop waighting even no would be prefrable to not knowing
Discuss this Journal entry [14]
Latest reply: Jan 6, 2004
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