h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Greetings.... I heard that someone has sinned on many forums and requires an angel.......

*flutters down from the sky*

yup. one angel, specially for you, sent from God..... let me atone your sins young one!

Couldn't wish for better - a winged cat.
So, if my crime is 'orrible puns, what's the (wait for it) PUNishment?
You see - I can't stop myself. I see a situation, I engineer a straight line, and then it's just like everything goes dark in front of my eyes, and, and ,and

calm.....

a winged evolved cat thank you!

so... you sit over there on the couch and tell me all your problems....

nonono... brownies and beer afterwards!

Language isn't so much a problem, but it's a challenge I can't leave alone.
So why the 'orrible puns?
In written language you can apply some powerful tools. Most powerful - you can stop, think, delete, edit - say only what you wanted to; next most powerful - you can place references and footnotes to topics that are important, but come "off the wall", and would break the flow of the main argument.
Spoken language doesn't have a delete button (and can't that be fun!) so it tends to follow a single thread in order to keep the risk down. If you throw in a spontaneous (or apparently so) pun, it's like a reference entry - the potential for a sideways jump which the listener can accept or ignore at will. It can also be applied in other ways ....
... but I'm going on at length here, and you've written three pages of notes already. What words of wisdom have you FC?

hmm.... on here, for me anyway, i treat it like a conversation, and tend to end up following the most pointless part of what someone previously said.

some people dont and it stays fairly sane..... though i dont think thats really the point of h2g2, unless your in a forum like that... eg a story or whatever....

besides, i like making notes!

Well then, my topic-bending puns should provide a chance for pseudo-random change (similar to that issued by chocolate vending machines?)

That seems to have reduced the load of sin - they used to call it buying an indulgence, talking of which, and chocolate, didn't you mention some nibbles?

hheh... oh yes...

*reaches into void* brownies and beer....

if you fancy anything else just dip into it.... it hasnt bitten me yet!

Normally I'd avoid a void, but I'll try de void as I'm devoid of beer.
That's two void puns, so here's de void (=thoid=Brooklyn for third) one.
*avoids eye contact - hopes he isn't trying the Saintly patience too much*

makes me smile! trust me.... trying my patience does not come into it at all

and to solve that lack of beer

Bless you, GA.
*lies back on couch and relaxes*
Don't you ever sleep while it's dark?

sleep when its dark..... hmm no, the thought never occurred to me!

most of my net friends are on at night, so i talk to them then pop off to bed during the morning!

Just as well for me, I guess. I don't have to worry about my GA being asleep on the job.

Wonder if that thought ever troubled theologians? Maybe they had to postulate Gabriel organising a three-shift rota system, with the odd seraph on standby in case of holidays.

hmm.... well, apparently God, (like Santa!) was watching all the time. i guess the same goes for angels.... what a deep thought!

oh. you dont have to worry about me being asleep on the job! asleep in another angels wings perhaps.....

but i am always aware of whats happening around me, especially if it involves one of my guardees!

The "other angels' wings" conjures a very pleasant environment - beats the h**l out of an eiderdown!
Back briefly to use of words & their environments - I do like the H2G2 concept of being able to talk to several incarnations of the same entity concurrently - like multiplexing lots of phone calls down the same pair of wires, albeit a bit boggling.

Just off to reply to another FC ..

I must arise and go now, and go IRW for 63 hours. After solving my quots of problems out there, I'll be back.
Angel, watch over me.
Regarding angels, deities and minor demons (quite a stretch) tell me - are the paternosters still used at Imp.? They were great fun in my day.
While taking care of my well-being, remember to have a good time yourself. Don't drink anything I wouldn't (not in any way a restrictive covenant - your good taste will cut in before that condition does!)
BCNU

RL can be such a hassle cant it! And as always I shall watch over my charge!

I didnt know you were at Imp! When? and what did you study? They have just introduced a 'buddy' system this year into biochem, so that a third year watched over the first years! actually unfortunately, I think my friend and i were the only ones who actually remained in contact with their buddy, but i got a lot out of it, and hope to be able to be as good a buddy as Richard was to me... Though i think most other departments have a similar system already in place.

And dont worry! having fun is one of the few things i can actually do!

Well, not quite study - as such - but I've consumed an awful lot of the Students' Union beer. Ah, memories (albeit severely alcohol-corroded)!
Once upon a time, in a land now far, far away across the sea ... back in the days of horse-drawn computers ..
Actually, 35 years ago. Came up to London to study Chemistry - at University College, but had friends at Imp., so spent a lot of time in the bar. Contributions to Imp. culture? An equation linking number of pints consumed to desire & capability of riding 360 degrees in those paternoster lifts, plus staging a U.C. versus Imp. game of Monopoly - using real cars and London instead of a board. Managed to hang on for many years - undergraduate, post-graduate, Ph.D., post-doctoral, and eventually junior lecturer in Chemistry at Bedford College (in Regent's park - closed ages ago - another good bar gone - curses!).
Even after leaving London (to Cambridge Uni. exam syndicate) managed to re-visit Imp. on the excuse of taking prospective students to have a look round.
Now too far away for anyone to pay for regular visits, but still get to UK on business from time to time.

wow! sounds like you were as close to Imperial as I am!!! lol!

so what do you do now? presumably still involved in chemistry? lecturing? (and i think i may come to you with all my chemistry problems when I discover I have to resit biomechanisms II... arent you lucky! I knew there would be a pay-back to being an Angel!)

Well, the proportion of chemistry in my life has been reducing ever since post-grad. days. I slowly shuffled sideways into computers (a lot less smelly than chemistry). What I got into was modelling complex organic chemical reactions by computer (running all the combinations of what products you get under different conditions assuming particular reaction mechanisms). Then you'd carry out a reaction that you didn't know the mechanism of, and compare the outcome with the computer models - if the outcome matched one model, then you could infer the mechanism.

Kept both subjects going right up 'til I came to Aus. There, the first job on offer was in computing, so I've been in that space since. Commercial (love the $$s), nice mix of research with real-world applications, and still get to do a bit of lecturing on how you set up R&D groups, and how you measure how well they improve as they grow.

Still got the chemist's brain & (some) memory, so more than happy to take on the chemi. problems as "pay-back"

LOL! my dads in computing, its absolutely silly amounts they can be payed! And thanks about the chem, though I'm still gonna wait until I can no longer put it off before I start revising! I'm sure the chemists brain is still tucked away for safe keeping.