Journal Entries
Wife
Posted Jun 21, 2009
I have seen gold pour through broken clouds and morning sky blush like a maiden caught at her bath
I have walked emerald carpet upon the cathedral floor beneath the deepest vault of blue and found my sleep among the ferns as my fathers danced among the stars
I have seen water as a rainbow leaping rocks like deer in flight and watched the struggle of the new come fawn to stand erect to reach the mothers breast
My spirit has swept the valleys and hills through cedar perfume and cooling mist
In my heart of hearts I have traveled to the ends of the ends of my mother the Earth
But there is no beauty as that of my wife no valley as refreshing as the small of her back nor hills more enticeing than those of her form
at rest
the sweetness of her breath as tea berry and the morning woods drenched in dew
lily of the valley is behind her ear hidden by raven wing hair to be sought by the one knowing the place of it
found only in exalted breath of love
she is at once freind and companion faithful traveller on my path, lover and bringer of the arrows to my bow, such are my sons
she is the purpose of me and I am forever hers, a reflection of the Earth is she
she weaves with the skills of sister spider and always making is in her hand
she does not rest from caring for our young ones and our elders are blessed by the comming of her to our lodge
who is this that has chosen me for husband who is this that honours me by outstretched hands and secret words of love
In this thing I marvel and in this thing I am lifted above my fellows in this I am made full and am made man
My face is set as flint before Winter wind my arms are bound by a thousand labors and my heart made iron by the toil of my path
until I look upon her for she sees as the falcon sees from afar and sharp and clear and only she can see the heart of me
This then is the one I am honoured to call wife
and my spirit soars
In honour of Rochelle
In our time we have been together many years. She 16 and I 17. We have eight children and have lived much. We have sent one child before us to the place of our fathers and always we remember her and always we smile and always there are tears. Molly was three and taken by fever. No matter what the trial of us we have stayed strong one with the other and are truely as any are able, one spirit and like one flesh. She knows all the places of my heart both light and dark and I know her as well. When the time comes to pass over my only regret will be having to await her, but Molly will sit upon my knee and together we will bring her across the river to our home in the stars.
My words written above took for me a week to write and to polish in English. My daughter was of great help. I wrote these words because I have been thinking of her very much day and night. I know that I will go on before her and perhaps any moment since I have become ill. These words I have written on paper and are for her when the time comes. My daughter will see to that. My daughter has come to stay with us now that the teaching is done for the time of Summer. She is helping my wife and being a companion for her. My wife worries far too much about things that have yet to be. I am not so. But I understand that is her way and she finds much comfort in the presence of our girl.
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Latest reply: Jun 21, 2009
victuals for the trail and how to go there
Posted Jun 5, 2009
To fast three days and sleep little and meditate on the object is to go from one place to another. To make provision and to make a path in the mind is to begin the journey. I will walk the places of my fathers. I will walk many many days perhaps a month. I will travel where my people have gone before and so find my way. I will need: 1 camp knife, 1 neck knife, 1 hand axe. I will need one canvas 1 1/2 times my height long and outstreched arms wide, I will need my fire bag and my medicine bag. I will need my fishing gear and a dozen spare flys. I will need my sewing bag and an extra pair of shoes. I will need a change of clothes and two change of undergarment, I will need a dish and a pan, a length of 50' of cord and 25' of rope, I will make my own triggers for traps as I need. I will need a woolen blanket and my capote and a hat for rain. I may need more but I will see.
For food. I will need 2 lbs of pemmican, 2 lbs of jerqued meat, 1/2 lb of salt, 1 pint of mollasses, 1 bag of pepper, 1 lb of corn meal and 3 lb of flour.I will need 2 lb of lard, I will need 2 lb of coffee and 1/2 lb of tea. 3 lbs of salted pork and 1 1/2 lb dry fruit. I will need 30 lbs of best dog food for my dog (very costly to me but there will not be much left from my table). The rest I will find on my way to provide for us both. I will take fifty dollars for emergency needs but will avoid all towns and cities.
My dog has been learning to pull his travois, for a long time he has been stubborn but I have told him he needs to do this for me or he will stay home and be useless. I have told him that I will find a new dog and he will be good and work hard unlike himself. I have told him if I find a new dog then I will have to decide upon my return wich dog I wish to feed and wich is lazy and is a sitting belly. I have told him I have no wealth to feed two dogs and he is only still here for the sake of my affection for him, I have told him that since I have affection for him he should have affection for me and work well as I work as is the order of things.
He is learning very well but still wishes to hide when he sees his harness. At heart he is a wanton dog, at heart perhaps I too am self willed and so I am patient for his sake and the sake of mine own peace since my wife is much attached to him. He can be 110 lbs of useless, though he has a rich fur (I joke for the sake of him) or 110 lbs of usefull and thus fulfill his place.
My wife and I have sold the furs we dressed over the winter months and have gotten a better price than I thought. This money will keep us both for several months. I am still feeling that the cost to ship was very high and unfair but I am at the disadvantage, (for this year!)
I go now.
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Latest reply: Jun 5, 2009
To walk
Posted Jun 1, 2009
I am in the way of planning in my heart to make a journey. I will make this journey after the gathering of my kin in three weeks. I will make this journey to prepare for another. I will make this trail in the footsteps of my fathers and my people, both with my feet and too, with my heart.
By taking up the path of my fathers I will find clearly what my heart knows and what it still must learn. The path of those who are gone before will lead me to the new path and then I may leave behind me this present path of quaking ground. In my mind I have travelled very far in time. I have even gone there in my spirit. But I am only a ghost to my fathers and my people. Because my place is here.
I do not wish it to be so, but was told by the shaman when in spirit I entered his lodge. He had no fear of me for he is a shaman and understands such. Though he has gone on to his fathers many many years before I was born,still he is, but only in a place among the campfires of our fathers.
He say's to my spirit, "Why do you trouble the living? Go back to your own place." I say to him, "Nugomonishwii, I am no evil spirit I am one of your people, this is my place." He speaks again to say, " you are lost, you go back now and find the trail where you left off, you go and leave this place in peace." I explain to him that I am born for two places but do not even rest as a man with just one place of his own, this is confusing to my heart and causes me much grief.
Nugomonishwii says to me, "Come take a place here and we will smoke tobacco and you will rest before you go." Nugomonishwii lights his pipe and passes it over the fire of his lodge three times, once for the setting sun, once for the rising sun and once toward me. Then so that I too can smoke with him he scatteres tobacco into the flames. "Rest now if you are able then I will send you on your way.".
I cannot find rest here and say so. He says to me that to have two paths is not the order of the creator. To have two paths is a grave burden. To have two paths means my spirit will never rest because my spirit cannot stay and dwell in the lodges of my fathers when the time comes to cross over to them. He says I must choose a path and if I cannot then I must make a new path. That is the order of things and there is no peace for one who wars against the order made by the Creator.
I am thankful and I leave his lodge. He sings blessings for me, he sings to Gichimanito and I am returned to my dwelling.
In my heart I make plans to travel. I make plans to find my path. I make plans to be at peace so that one day I will be at rest and able to welcome my children and theirs to my lodge in the heavens. I will visit the old shaman there and he will welcome me and we will smoke tobacco.
When I have rested I will write the course of the journey I intend to make and write the supplies I will need. Supplies for one, or for two if my wife wishes to come. For now my mind needs rest.
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Latest reply: Jun 1, 2009
General
Posted May 23, 2009
My mind grows stronger as I heal and unless I am tired I am thinking m9ore clearly. The thoughts are in the same way but are with different words.
I have a weak place in a vessel in my brain that had leaked. It was repaired but still stays weak. There is no more to be done. It is a strange feeling to see that every moment I may find that I am gone over to my fathers. I make myself focus on now. I make mysels to remember that I may go on for many many years.
I fished with my wife yesterday. It was very pleasant.
A few days ago she prepared me a special dinner. All of my favorite thins. I had venison and fresh wild mushrooms. My wife found wild leeks that she calls rampions. We ate berries from last year and corn cake. Also we had smoked fish from early Winter. I enjoyed it much and was lightened.
My family is to gather in a few weeks there will be seventy of us. This is more than have been together since over a hundred years. Of these I have eight children and eleven grandchildren. There will be many more grandchildren one day. My lodge is full and warm. One day my family will be strong again and our clan will be stronger than for many years. I desire this.
I am grown tired now. I need to write to someone here today but not now. I go.
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Latest reply: May 23, 2009
A friend like no other
Posted May 21, 2009
I think often of a man I knew from my earliest years. His name was James Seguajiah. We grew up in the same place and were always together. We camped always and hunted from when we were very young. When I was 12 he and I started a trap line and work all Winter sometimes spending several nights in the wood. We sometimes disagreed but never argued. In this he was better than a wife.
We made traps each year after that. Some times many sometimes few depending on our need. Some years we had good money mostly and had only to make a short line. Some years were very hard and even with a long line were very hard. We shared between our families like in the days of my fathers.
He was a good man and always we watched over one another. When I moved with my family I missed him very much and we wrote often. When he was 25 he made a trap line and worked it by himself because I was moved. It was a very hard Winter and very much colder and bitter. I told him he should keep his line short or at least put up several wikki along the line. He said he needed the money badly and that the pelts were very fine that year. I sent to him as much money as I was able but I knew it was not as much as needed for his wife and children so I understood.
One day he fell in a beaver pond and had a very bad time to get out of the ice. I am told he tried to make fire but could not. He then walked for a long way to the one camp he made but could not go the whole path. It was very cold that day even in the teens below zero farenheit. He was found as at rest upon a bed of cedar boughs that he had cut and some he pulled over himself to block the wind.
We both made fire in many ways but not all of them work sometimes especially when wet. Even a flint and steel is hard with cold hands and I think that was the case for him. Maybe I think too that his tinder was wetted, but he would have found some good, that is why I think it was that his hands were very cold.
When he went over I was very angry that he needed so much money. I was angry too that he did not build wikki as I said to him. He was stubborn as a child and more as a man. I write sometimes to his son and to his mother and his daughter. They are good people and I wish to see them.
I miss my freind very much and look forward to see him and hunt and fish again with him. It will be a good thing.
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Latest reply: May 21, 2009
johnredbear
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