h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.batterseapark.org/

Battersea Park is a riverside park in the South West of London, just across a bridge from such attractions as Chelsea, Kings Road, the Royal Hospital and the National Army Museum.

It is an excellent place to while away time with a toddler, or a toddler and her Tremendous Big Brother because there are so many different sections to explore – it’s not a large heath-like affair full of grass like many of the other open spaces in the area. Not that I mind that. One footpath is much like another to me, and as long as there are blades of grass to examine, dog poo to pick up, leaves to throw around, sticks to collect, ducks to feed and dogs to greet I am really not that bothered. But the sense of exploration Battersea Park provides seems to make Mama happy, so that’s good enough for me.

One of Mama’s favourite areas is the Tea Garden, where there is a small kiosk that serves coffee. Mama often tries to arrange it so that should we be alone, I am asleep when we get here and she can relax in whatever sunshine is available in peace. Or at least as much peace is afforded by the dog walkers, who also like to restore their nerves with refreshment here, meaning that there is actually quite a lot of bouncy animals snuffling, barking and occasionally fighting. I usually only wake up, however, if they come and investigate what we have brought as our picnic lunch, which is unfortunately rather more often than Mama would like. The problem is that Battersea Park is near Battersea Dogs (and Cats) home, and so in addition to the quite startling numbers of dog owners and professional dog sitters who use the park, there are also hordes of former strays being exercised.

Not that this bothers me or my Tremendous Big Brother one little bit. He is animal obsessed at the best of times, but dogs are his absolute favourite and generally it is absolutely impossible for him to walk past a pooch without saying hello. I am much the same, although less prone to running madly towards them with my arms out shrieking my happiness as my Tremendous Big Brother was at my age, for which Mama is duly thankful. Still, she is torn between being grateful that Battersea Park provides us with an opportunity to indulge our passion and irritation at the sheer inconvenience of having to stop every five yards to stroke some mutt. Not to mention that she suspects that every encounter increases the likelihood that she will have to let us get a dog at some point in the future.

[Hey!! Tremendous Big Brother!!! Mama said we can get a dog!!!! Yes!!!!!]

Anyway, the Tea Garden. The reason why Mama likes this bit of the park so much is that it reminds her powerfully of parks in Moscow. Lots of sculptures made of metal strips painted in bright colours, including the gazebos over the tea garden tables. The whole section is overlooked by the Peace Pagoda, which is a Buddhist temple inexplicably plumped in the middle of the riverside walk. There are also fountains, quite spectacular ones, with timed and ever changing displays of water fireworks. Mama is less keen on this bit, particularly after my Tremendous Big Brother fell in once. This is the reason why she tends to go here only when I am sleeping these days.

Another bit she likes is the walled English garden, which has been overhauled recently by what appears to be a community gardening project. Mama has a secret yen for a walked garden, and this is a lovely secluded spot to take a sleeping baby if you are not as coffee obsessed as Mama. It is a bit overrun by pigeons, because people eat their lunch here and someone has hung bird feeders in the trees, but I don’t mind that on little bit. I like chasing pigeons. In fact, the only reason why we don’t spend more time here is that there is a sunken pond in the middle, which Mama doesn’t really fancy fishing me out of.

So when I wake up, we mostly head out for a walk around the big lake, which sounds even more fraught with peril, except that most of it is decently fenced off. There is a café at one end which Mama rather likes, run by genuine Italians. The prices are a bit silly, but the coffee is excellent and they also do pistachio ice cream as well as rather more reasonably priced children’s food, which doesn’t just consist of chips with more chips. You can take it outside to sit by the lake, although beware of the pigeons, who will swoop on your food the moment you leave it alone for a second. Mama knows from bitter experience. I, of course, like the pigeons. Chasing them, at least.

At the other end of the lake, Mama has fond memories of spending very happy summer afternoons in the tropical plants enclosure with my Tremendous Big Brother (before he could walk). There’s nothing quite like picnicking under a palm tree. Especially when the man who plays the saxophone all afternoon for, apparently, the sheer hell of it is in residence. Nowadays we mostly go there to feed the ducks, who are gratifyingly excited to see us, as are the swans, the coots, the moorhens, the parrots and, on occasion, the herons and the rats.

There is also a playground nearby which has different zones for different age groups, something which Mama is coming to appreciate more and more, and next door is the only one o’clock club Mama has ever got round to going to. It’s pretty cool as long as you go with friends and don’t mind your children getting covered in other people’s snot and coming down with a cold the following week. The adventure playground at the back also looks interesting, but Mama has already been chased out of there once on the grounds that my Tremendous Big Brother is too small.

Too small? He’s huge! And tremendous.

I don't think your mama said what you thought she said about the dog, Comet

He is tremendous!

Lovely series, Sol, I really hope you can keep sharing these. I'm really enjoying them.

Didn't mama take you on the rowing boats

They're highly toddler friendly!

(actually, are the rowing boats there anymore?)

sprout

Another great read!

Deb

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