h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...should be the saviour of British television and Screenwipe, complete with swearing, should be shown at 18.00 on BBC1 on Saturdays.

Or at 4:30 on CBBC.
The little tykes need to know what's what!

Blanket coverage: daily at 16.00 on CBBC, CeeBeebies(?), BBC1 and BBC2, then 20.00 on BBCs 1, 2, 3 & 4. Compulsory Brooker alerts before all reality shows, sorry, reality *programmes* and a Brooker translation in the corner of all news & current affairs programmes.

"Mummy, what's a she-cock?"

Or just have him in the corner of the screen at all times like the little sign language people saying, "C*ck!" at random junctures.

With signing for those who need it.

My god, I literally just laughed so hard I cried. Really. Still am.

And again.

Nobody can say 'C*ck' with the panache of Charlie Brooker saying 'C*ck'. The word was made for him.

Happy to help.

I've noticed a marked reduction in credit squeezing since he made a bit of a point about it, and by "bit of a point" I mean "venom-spewing rant directed at the nether regions of whatever gonk thought the idea up in the first place".

*is now trying to picture the BSL for 'C*ck'*

BSL?

That's true actually. Don't know if he had anything to do with it, but the idea doesn't seem to have caught on, on BBC1 at least.

*mimes the word "cock" for Roymondo's entertainment*

LL, I watch very little proper telly (Dr EV knows why!) but from what little I've recently I think you might be right about the title squeeze.

"(Dr EV knows why!)"

Do I? Gays are allowed to watch TV too, you know.

*has a disturbingly clear image of EV miming 'C*ck' and wonders what Fords would make of it all*

The Box. Old telly piddles all over new telly.

Oh yes, that. Must e-mail you about that.

Apart from Spooks, which rocks.

And Screenwipe of course.

Ooh, I see the problem. Oops!