h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Congratulations on your 100th post!

*looks around in eager anticipation of telegram from the queen*

Hmm... Must've got delayed in the post.

Yes, really - I think I've quite often had a massive post from you, replied to it and realised that my reply was about half the length - kind of makes me feel like I'm not trying hard enough!

Ah, the pitfalls of modern technology. (Could be worse - just been reading a safety report on a medical linear accelerator that had faulty software, causing it to occasionally give people X ray doses about 100 times greater than intended. Not good.) This is why I tend to use highly sophisticated editors like Notepad - it may be crap, but at least it's so simple that there's very little to go wrong. Or when I'm feeling really good, there's the best text editing facility in the world, typing "copy con myfile.txt" at a DOS prompt... (Oh I'm such a sad techie! )

Ah, I'd already noticed the new layout on your homepage a while ago. Actually I thought it was like that before I went off to Krakow?

Y'know I have the strangest feeling of deja-vu about all this...
*growls at computer again*
I think I might have properly broked it this time, it's crashed and suffered fatal internal errors 9 times in the past two days...and Bt internet is working so I think I might have to send it on a holiday to my brother...but I don't think I'll mention the orange juice in the keyboard as that might not go down too well

I was going to write a full and complete reply to everything ever written but then I got distracted by tyre pressures and oil levels and stuff in the attempt to get my cement mixer/car ready for tomorrow as I have finally convinced people to allow me to go to Shropshire only now I'm starting to regret this decision as it's all too complex

Although funny story may amuse you... As I've never met the people I'm going to be staying with I thought it would be wise to check out where the hotel thingy was so that I could reassure myself and my parents (yes I stress too much but it's probably a good quality in some way... ). So I went on Scoot thinking that even our local post office is on there so I must be able to find a map...nothing. Not put off by this I went on Yell.com, Royal Mail site and many other mapping/directory sites and not a single one had record of it except for a hotel of the same name miles away in the other direction. Not entirely reassured my mother rang directory enquiries who said that the hotel did not exist and that there was no hotel in the area I'd said.This did not please either of us so then we rang the tourism place and they too said it didn't exist, my mum even rang the local police station and after being transferred through about 10 different branches they eventually find a bloke who'd worked there all his life who thought there might be a hotel but he wasn't sure... To me this seems a bit odd, I pointed this out to a mate who said he didn't believe that I couldn't find the number so he rang directory enquiries and they gave it him straight away so I have now come to the wholey realistic conclusion that it's all a conspiracy theory put about by the cows But I do have no idea why it doesn't exist anywhere...

Anyway one of the blokes going has a Lotus Elise so I can finally compare it to the TVR and then have actual evidence to show that the Tuscan is better Although I have to admit that the new Elise at the motor show uses blue chromaflair paintwork and is very pretty whereas the new TVR racing version has lost it's smoothness to become more aggressive looking and is now manky grey/green colour...

Anyway I have to leave as I have to be up in about 4 hours and I still haven't packed or done anything sensible so I'll message you on Sunday to grin when Ferrari win the Constructors Championship to
Bye,
Fiona

Hmm... Have you considered using the laptop instead if your computer's dead. Or are they one and the same? (I always got the impression that you had both a normal computer and a laptop. But then I use my laptop as my main computer, so I don't quite know why I would think that. Maybe it's because there's a computer on either side of my laptop, another one behind me, and one in the room next to this...)

Orange juice in the keyboard is rarely a good thing. In my first job, something which amused me greatly was when one of my new colleagues was typing away and then spilt his coffee into his keyboard. Without saying a word, he just unplugged the keyboard, picked a new one up from the pile to his left, plugged that in and carried on! It wasn't so much the dubious comedy value of spilling coffee, it was the fact that he was so obviously prepared!

Don't forget the water levels. A friend of mine is now running a new engine in on his Elise. This is a bit of a shame because his Elise is actually about 6 months older than mine. He drove it for half an hour with no coolant in it. (He had been wondering why the heater wasn't working, and then he started to lose power, and that was pretty much it for that engine...) You might like to warn the Elise owner you're meeting that there's a design fault in it: occasionally one of the hoses pops off the radiator and dumps the coolant on the floor. It's currently afflicting a lot of 2-3 year old cars. (Loads of people on the Lotus mailing list have had the same problem, although fortunately they all noticed the huge pool of green liquid that their cars were sat in when they returned to them and elected not to drive anywhere.)

I tried to convince my friend that now would be the ideal opportunity to upgrade to the Sport 190 engine. These aren't legal in a brand new car but for strange regulatory reasons, they are allowable if you fit them after buying the car. Sadly the £5000 price tag (standard engine only cost him £2000) plus the fact that the modified air intake makes the boot even *smaller* put him off... But I thought he could at least have got himself the VVC engine...

So, let me get this straight. You're meeting a bunch of people you've never met before at a hotel you have good reason to suppose doesn't exist? Hmm... How exactly did you come to these arrangements? Also, since I spend half my life in hotels, I'm wondering whether you have a booking... Or are you not actually staying there? (And by the way, I don't think wanting to know where you're actually going counts as stressing too much. )

But anyway, good luck... If you end up in the middle of nowhere with no hotel and no companions in site, and more importantly, no Lotuses anywhere, feel free to drop in to Cambridge... (Sadly I don't think I can rustle up a TVR at short notice - the only person I knew who owned one has sold it. Can manage my Lotus, an MR2 or a trip to the local Lotus garage...)

Enjoy the race!

My computers not dead it's just broked, there's a subtle difference known only to the people with a habitual electronic destructive side to their personality...although the BT thing working does suggest that it's on it's way to dying And I can't resort to using my laptop as I only use that in very desperate times owing to to the fact that my real computer has fun distractions and musical interludes...oh and I can't work out how to get I.E to work on the laptop

As for the orange juice it's better than the cookie crumbs that were in it...and it's significantly better than the drawing pin which fell in my printer

I checked the radiator last week and I even coped with the windscreen washing bottle thingy although I do believe that using the high pressure air gun on the tyres without squealing was probably one of my best motoring achievements

I guess that's pretty much the situation but I have spoken to the people (well two of them) before although the main problem will occur as I'm not meeting them at the hotel but in some town and as I have no idea what they look like... I guess I've got to end up somewhere The hotel was booked by the people I'm going to meet so allegedly I have somewhere to stay...if it exists

Hmmm, I don't think Cambridge is too close to Shropshire but with the offer of a trip to a Lotus garage...

Speak to you soon,
Fiona

Hmm... I didn't notice this reply. Think it must have turned up when I was away from h2g2, then rolled off the bottom of my forum list.

Well my computers are in a real sorry state right now. One of them is new, and consequently doesn't have most of the stuff I'm used to having installed. And because I've just moved, most of the CD ROMs with software on are still in Cambridge... ('Oh I won't need them' I thought...) Oh well, probably be back up there on Monday.

Worse, for some reason the internet doesn't seem to work from the phone line. I think it's because it's a cable phone. I've had to get the BT phone switched back on because I'm ordering an ADSL line. (High-speed permanently-connected fixed call charges regardless of how much you use it kind of thing.) So with a bit of luck my dial-in ISP will work through that.

Ah, I always use a footpump myself. Don't really trust the air guns to get the pressure right...

Blimey, I just realised how long ago this message was, given the content at the bottom! Sorry I didn't reply - I wasn't ignoring you honest! Just being unobservant.

So did I imagine it, or did you say elsewhere that you were getting rid of your car? If so, what is replacing it? Anything? A model TVR? A real TVR?

Anyway, must go - really can't stay at work this late on a Friday night. Although it does have the benefit of a working internet connection...

LOOOOOOooooooooooooookkkkkk!!!!
*bounces and grins*
IS BACK!!!!
Wow and it only took me 2 years!!! how fantastic is that

Pardon me, I have backlog fatigue. Would someone mind summing up the previous posts in one paragraph?

*laughs*
You honestly think I can remember them??? Ummmm Ian will, he was paying attention possibly...

Okay. *waits patiently*

Fnargle?

It's no good. I've been trying for two weeks now. I can't sum this thread up in one sentence.

Hmmmmph.

"I was asleep and confused, sorry!"
As both an explanation for my absence and for ths thread I think that fits pretty well

So... what shall we talk about now? I could try and reply to your last posting and see whether any of it's relevant? Havig said that relevance has never been an issue...

I could casually ask why you've both stopped playing the Top 40 Lottery.

I haven't? I'm allowing my numbers to roll over each week so as to increase my odds of winning... ahem... Also I have 1001 alibis to back up any feeble excuses which I also have plenty of!

I'm trying to get on the top 40 list of longest gaps between posts.

There is a category for that isn't there? I hope I've not been wasting my time...

It's only a top 1 at the moment.

I win!!! I win!!!!
*smiles sweetly at IanG*
Don't suppose your books out yet is it? Can I get a signed copy for Ian?

My book is indeed out now. Actually my second one is out too, bizarrely enough - the production delays on the first one were so extensive on the first one that I had time to write the second as well. Both actually turned up in the same box!

Oh... Congratulations!!!
Whats the second one on? Does it ahve a Jird on the front? Does Abi have baby jirds yet? My jird wheel and cage are patiently waiting in a corner and it's beginning to get a bit sad waiting for my little friends to arrive... can't she get jird viagra?

Ooh as you have two out now can I get them both signed under different names to confuse Ian? Oooh and do I get a bulk wholesale discount if I buy them from you?

...but I only have one name!

Sadly, O'Reilly don't give authors any say in what goes on the covers of their books, so no, neither book has a jird on the front. One has an anhinga (also known as a darter bird), and the other has an Egyptian goose.

Re: baby jirds, Abi says that the boys are too lazy and can't let sex get in the way of heavy duty eating and sleeping. And Eddie is too busy running the escape committee.