h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In your architects' course you don't happen to learn how to create stupidly massive laser canons do you only I shall be needing one to hold the world to ransom

Sorry, I didn't learn to do that. Bur I can help you building some really ugly houses. People will loose their eyes by looking at them.

Can I use them to force people to give me an monthly tribute in order to stop unleashing their ugliness on the general public?

Of course you can. At first we'll build one, which isn't that ugly. Something pink, with purple. A few people will become blind, but they will see how dangerous our buildings can be. Then we will buil a really ugly one and cover it with a sheet ( a big one ). They'll have to pay (by the way: what do you want them to pay?) or we will uncover the building.
If thats not enough you have to fin somebody who builds a weapon for you. Then I coul still build you some Dark Tower, or whatever.
You see: it's always good to have an architest!

Sorry:

architeCt

another one:

architectE (it's late, I'm tired (no, I'm not, but it whould be a good excuse))

OK, hmm, if we don't unleash them we'll have to ask for at least 100 million a month and we could build them in more than one country too (as long as you get planning permission).

Now about this tower...
Can it have evil looking turrets and spiky battlements with gargoyles on it?

Your tower will have thousands of turrets and monsterous gargoyles. Evil birds will build their nests on the tower. As they fly around the top they will screech and everybody will hear them from a distance of... I don't know how far. And all the people will run away screaming, seized with horror. Will you have dragons too?
Oh and you will have dark dungeons, deep down in the ground.
What else do you want? Statues? Goblins? A moat? Filled with crodiles? Or snakes?
Your tower will of course need a name. Have you thought about that?

Birds? You can't have birds! Bats. Only bats will do. Dragons yes dragons. The dungeon is good. Can it have really deep vaults to contain unseen horrors and black cast iron bars to prevent the escape of mine enemies? btw, it can't have a moat because it would have to be on Mars. Hmm, the name...hmm any ideas?

By saying "birds" I didn't think of sparrows. Crows, ravens, that's the thing we need. But if you prefer bats, you'll get them.
On Mars... we'll need a port for the spaceships. And we'll need a defensife weapon. We'll have great fun destroying the robots sent by NASA and ESA.
A name? Sorry, you'll have to find one by yourself. I'm not good in inventing names. It sometimes takes months till I find something fitting. But I will think about it. Who knows...

We shall also need an army of evil Martians to do our bidding and stop enemy invasion as well as defensive cannons. Hmm, and we'll need our own fleet of ships to combat those sent by the earthlings. How are you at designing aircraft?

An aircraft...haven't thought about it for a few years. I was always drawing castles and such things...hmmm...
Something really airodynamic, not flying boxes. No long wings, whould look like planes, rather short ones. Triangles. But still organic. Silver or black? Silver gives a spacy shimmer, but black looks more threatening. Every ship will have your coat of arms (or something like that)painted with red colour.
But at first you'll need such a thing like a coat of arms.

Hmm...
How about balck with silver trim?
Coat of arms...what about a storm crow? That looks evil and twisted, or perhaps a bat...(?) hmm what do you think?

OK, black and silver. That's a good idea.
A bat? You are not batman. If you take a bat, people will immediately think of batman (at least I do). A storm crow is much better. A dragon for instance is used far too often. Storm crows are rare I think.
But isn't there something fitting for Mars? Let me think...Mars, god of war...I need some time. Maybe I'll find something in a book. Or google will help me.

A red war-hammer?

No, certainly not. It will look like the symbol of a minings association. Or you'll have to write "that is a WAR hammer" underneath. No. I think we should take the crow.

OK. Crows can be symbols of war though! Like with Morrigan or whatever god of war...
So have you got the plans drawn upp in your head at this very moment?

Am I an ignorant if I ask you: who is Morrigan?

Yes, I've got a few ideas, but I think I'll draw it on paper. Then I'll see what I have to change.

She was goddess of war to the celts. Surely everone knows that, don't they? Perhaps it helps because i've got a book on celtic mythology in front of me.