h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Where is the paperbag smiley when I need it.

as you all know I spend most of my time here moaning about w**k. Specifically the stresses and strains of being a full time working parent.

And for years the younger women (and some of the men, mostly older ones with wives at home or working part-time) have told me not to be so stressed and why always so much stress with the w**k / life balance.

But now they are getting older, married, having children and coming back part-time. For which, it must be said, they have me to thank for it in a large part because i fought their corner that we could manage with part-timers (as long as they pull their weight).

However part of me wishes I'd never bothered. There are 2 in my team, one works 4 hours a day, the other 6. Their children are kindergarten age (notwithstanding: in my day - eek, how that sounds! - children under 3 couldn't have a kindergarten place). The four hour one has a husband earning shedloads of money (well well well over the minimum 6 figures) who says he "won't let her get a cleaner" so she cleans a lot, and her daughter is constantly being ferried to pony riding, music, dance... blah blah blah. And spends a large part of her time with doting paternal grandparents. (oh yes, she is a PFB* in mumsnet speak).

The other leaves at 2, collects her children at 4 (lives 30 minutes away). And has to order their clothes and hers online... and had to take a day off to go shopping after her 3 weeks holiday (over a month end... we're the accounting team...) because she just doesn't have enough time.

And of course, part of me is jealous because I don't have family here, spent a shedload of money on a childminder etc etc and spent at least 10 years permanently running around trying to get everything done.

And then. And then. I mentioned today that next week and I are going to the cinema to see Othello (being broadcast live from London). And what did I hear? From both of them? "oh it's ok for you, I can't possibly go out because I have little children" as if I have spent the last 10 years floating around on a cloud of "nothing to do"



So. What do I say to them? nothing and smile sweetly? or get out the slapping hand?


*Precious First Born

You smile sagely and say "Ah yes, as children grow older the advantages and disadvantages do change. While it's lovely at last to be able to go out for a grown-ups evening, we do have to deal with....insert any of a number of teenage difficulties, exam pressure, Uni funding, suitable boyfriends, etc etc..... You've all this ahead of you!"

Smile sweetly and tell them that in 15 years' time they'll have earned a night off, as you have.

I'd personally get out the slapping hand, but Bea's suggestion is probably better for working relationships

Speaking as an empty-nester, my life has never been so organised, selfish and enjoyable.

()

PS I'm jesting, I'm looking after my mother, who has reverted to childhood, fulltime. This is by far many, many times worse than rearing children. And I say that as a mother of four, including one on the autistic spectrum.

Enjoy your life, while it's still yours.

GB

Just smile smugly and chill out. I listen to the current crop of mothers and would like to see how they managed it all without nurseries, cleaners, the internet, and even without a car .... Imagine that and I worked part time!

If it is any consolation it is the same over here, and there is also the divide between those with children and those without!



Websailor

Oh, and I forgot to mention a live in invalid Dad who wasn't fond of children.

I would concur with Galaxy Babe most wholeheartedly

Websailor

I know it's not the same, but my response to 'my dog isn't placid and well behaved like yours' is DO YOU THINK HE CAME GIFT WRAPPED IN A BOX LIKE THAT? NO! YEARS OF HARD WORK, TEARS AND STRESS GOT US THIS FAR.

And yes I do get shouty.

And then add the comment about in 5 years they will also have a dog that's well behaved and placid/15 years they will have earned a night off.

GB
Looking after my mum is something that's worrying me because of being so far away. I'll cross that one when I get to it I think.

I've settled for a semi-smug-semi-enigmatic smile and that will have to do for now.

I agree with Gnomon. To back it up, you'll just have to

(a) start talking more about your home life like they obviously do
(b) very subtly point out exactly how your day pans out (don't forget the long commute)
(c) start complaining about things like teenagers with PMS

oh re the commute: I've decided to switch to trains. It takes a wee bit longer but the time can be used much more productively in that I have a Kindle and I'm not afraid to use it

My next OU course starts soon so I'm hoping (I'm pretty well disciplined in respect of this so hoping probably means I will, mostly) use the time to keep up with reading and using my fancy highlighters and post-it notes.

and now I have my car back it means that the liklihood of having to pedal like mad in the rain on my bike is quite remote

Tell them "let's swap families"

Ignore them if you can. They are too silly to waste time on.
Buy them a time management calendar or a ticket for something they can't go to in the next Secret Santa

that's a good idea, WS

Every time I see this thread, the tune "Give me HOPE, Johanna!" starts going around in my head.

Save the bile for, like, a month, and then let it all out in a seemingly-improvised tirade about a) how they 'shouldn't make such a thing of work-life balance' (copying, as far as possible, their words to you in detail) and b) how they shouldn't talk about their children like they were the most unfair burden in the cosmos.

I've missed out on a fair few things because looking after my daughter was more important, and I wouldn't change that.

OH MY PROPHET!
where the heck have you been!!!

I want all the details. Daughter? congrats

I have a one third share in a beautiful baby girl named Arya-Rose.

My girlfriend is married, which makes me part of a polyphilic relationship, although not actively poly myself. It's not something I ever expected, but it seems to work.

I didn't expect you to be doing anything conventional.