h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

all done

Good morning Gnomon

The first entry A13915181 is entitled "Birth to 18 years" which isn't quite correct now, unless I use a subheader intro "Pre-birth" which sounds tacky to me.

Do you have any suggestions for a title-change?

"Queen Victoria - Part One (1817 - 1837)" ??

Would you put the other Entries' titles as "Part Two" etc..?

Why not "Victoria - the Early Years" or something like that?

I don't like Part 1, Part 2 and so on. Each entry should be reasonably complete in itself.

You're right, the entries must stand alone. It's done now, I've grouped them in av. 20 years, so dated the titles. Except "Mrs Melbourne" which covers 3 years, and the last is 1887-1901.

With this 5 entries it takes my solo tally to 99. I've already written my 100th, but I'm not submitting that to PR until Queen Victoria is out of PR, as I want my upgrade for that one.

I hope you like what I added about Christmas trees and mistletoe; and Gilbert and Sullivan I added you on the credits of those entries for your suggestions.

I am *so* looking forward to the London meet, it's my first break in 2 years.

Goodnight Gnomon and thanks again for all your help, I do appreciate it

Now that you've finished writing, I've had a detailed look at the first entry. Have you handed it over to the Eds yet, or can you still make changes? I'll post the comments here if you want them, or I can hold off until the entries go into Peer Review.

Wilma has emailed the Eds asking for control, but that hasn't been done just yet. I've no doubt it will be today though. Perhaps it would be best to wait until it's in PR

Thanks very much for your help

Gnomon I still have control, and it won't change until Monday now (unless Nats has another Sunday night catch-up sessions)

So if you'd like to give me what you have so far, assuming you have nothing better to do this weekendI can make as many alterations as possible to save Wilma's time in PR.

Birth to Queen Entry

Lines of descent and family trees are always complicated, so I suggest a few rewordings to make it clearer for the casual reader:

his son George, Prince of Wales, was ruling as Prince Regent; Princess Charlotte was his daughter

-- it's not completely clear from this whether Charlotte is George III's daughter or Prince George's daughter. I suggest you change it to:

his son George, Prince of Wales, was ruling as Prince Regent; Princess Charlotte was the Prince's daughter

The King's bachelor sons started a quest to find a suitable bride

-- this suggests they were looking for one woman between them. Change it to "to find suitable brides"

On 24 May, 1819, HRH Princess Alexandrina Victoria was born

-- since three are so many names being thrown around, and you've already mentioned another Princess Victoria, I think it is worth stating that this one is the future Queen Victoria. You could say something like:

On 24 May, 1819, the future Queen Victoria was born as HRH Princess Alexandrina Victoria

and maternal half-sister Princess Feodora -- you've already mentioned Feodora (in a footnote), so I think you could leave out "maternal" here. It only makes it more confusing.

General Style:

Victoria was trained to ride horses and she developed a passion for riding fast. Although Victoria was indulged and she owned many pets, her childhood was lonely and secluded. In 1828 Victoria
-- that's three sentences in a row with "Victoria" in them. Change the middle one to "she".



Grammar, typos etc:

mass produced doll's house --> mass-produced doll's house

King of Hanover --> King of Hannover (I think. Perhaps B'Elana could confirm this)

Mrs Melbourne:

Queen Victoria was the first British Monarch to leave Buckingham Palace on the way to her Coronation on 28 June, 1838 -- this suggests that all the others stayed inside Buckingham Palace on the way to their coronations.

It should be something like:

"Queen Victoria was the first British Monarch to start her coronation procession from Buckingham Palace; previous Kings and Queens had proceeded from ..."

This brought rise to --> This gave rise to

no-one succeeded --> no one succeeded

the break itself may not have been life-threatening -->
the break itself might not have been life-threatening (always use "might" for past tense, "may" for future)

Are you sure that trepanation was practised in Victorian times?

G

A13915668 Victoria and Albert

What You're Proposing -- we're not supposed to start an entry with a header.

he described him thus --> she described him thus

"and not one of the children measured up in Queen Victoria's eyes" -- I think this is a harsh conclusion if you are basing it on the quotation you give. All the quotation says is that they should be very proud to have the best father in the world.

The tragedy had taken place right next door to one of the richest countries in the world -- remember, Ireland was part of the United Kingdom at the time. Perhaps you should say "The tragedy had taken place within the United Kingdom, while other parts of the Kingdom were the richest in the world."

You don't seem to say that Albert introduced the tradition of Christmas trees to England.

could spent time alone --> could spend time alone

any of them as suitable as a family home -->
any of them suitable as a family home

The £31m British Galleries at the V&A, which was opened in 2001 by Prince Charles, traces British culture -->
The £31m British Galleries at the V&A, which were opened in 2001 by Prince Charles, trace British culture

I really don't see the relevance of talking about Hippocrates at this point. YOu've already explained about the state of medecine in the Victorian Era. Saying that it was all the fault of Hippocrates seems pointless.

Prince Albert bought Balmoral Castle in 1852, further increasing the Royal Family's property portfolio -- you've already told us about hte purchase of Balmoral so don't repeat yourself.

Crimea, which was then part of Russia -- it still is! It might be better to explain where Crimea is: the diamond-shaped peninsular to the north of the Black Sea.

He was made a Knight of the Garter in 1937 -- 1837, perhaps?

A13915794 - 1862 - 1886

only wear black to funerals and memorial services

this would be less ambiguous if you said:

wear black only to funerals and memorial services

On the Origins of Species by Means of Natural Selection -->
The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection

The full title was

The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection
or
The Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life

between those who believe in the --> between those who believed in the

I'll try and do the last one later.

A19970508 Jubilee

She toured England, meeting and greeting her adoring subjects -- did Victoria really not tour any of the other countries in the United Kingdom during her Jubilee year?

You might like to add a footnote about the golden dinner service - "The Royal Family's golden dinner service is rarely used, as the food goes cold too quickly due to the high thermal conductivity of gold."

You might like to mention where Charlie Chaplin was born since many people probably think of him as an American.

You say "older daughter" and "oldest son" in a few places. Should they be "elder daughter", "eldest son" etc? I don't know.

G

Thank you so very much for taking the time and trouble to do this Gnomon


A19970508 Jubilee

I'll do the rest tomorrow (I mean later today)

Goodnight

Goodnight, GB.

A13915794 1862-1886

A13915668 Victoria and Albert

The entry starts with the quote, not the Header,

<>
I have found mention in Victoria's journals about Christmas trees, before she met him, it seems it was Albert who started the tradition of decorating them, not the introduction.

Everything else attended to

A13915613 'Mrs Melbourne'

A13915181 1817-1837

King of Hanover --> King of Hannover - I agree with you, I recall a discussion in Peer Review A13730825 and the consensus was Hannover

Thanks again, Gnomon