h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Becoming an assassin has been a long-cherished aim of mine ever since I put 10 rounds in the black centre of a target with a Lee Enfielf 303 back in 1973. After kicking my arse 3 feet along the ground, the supervising NCO came and apologised, said his binoculars told him I'd missed the entire wall, and offered me a job as a sniper for the Army.

Still rubbing my backside, I declined, for obvious reasons! However, I did have a brief flirtation with .22 shooting which I loved, veiwing it as a form of meditation even at that tender age, and I long for the opportunity to join a rifle club again, although they are somewhat out of fashion following that idiot at Dunblane. That is the only time I have ever found myself agreeing with Prince Phillip! The guy could have done as much damage to those poor kids with a cricket bat, and you might as well ban those as well...

Anyhoo, on the subject of ducks, isn't it a bit archaic in this day and age? Although they perhaps feel at home in the role, and it may be an act of cruelty to deprive them of their position in life. (My nickname used to be Howard the Paranoid Duck, by the way, after the underground comic piss-take of Donald Duck), and incidentally, I was Dux of my Primary School!

Looking forward to some Big Bangs!

Quarkafleeg the Boastful

really they get very good health care....