h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At complete loss of words.

She is real however!

I get the impression that one has to me in order to understand what I meant in post 14.

I expect a visitor on Wednesday.
I mentioned this in CBT and for some reason my therapist seems to think that sex or selfharm or both will arise from this situation.
Having mentioned sex, I guess I might as well add that I'm worried about my sexual orientation. Yes, I think I'm turning/have turned straight.

And this worries you - being straight?

Of all things...

Will I get to know who the visitor is?

Well, I was attempting humour.
But.
I don't know if it's part of natural shift in tastes or what...? I had always felt very definitely bisexual and now after period of some confusion I have admit I'm very definetly hetro, and I wonder if I'm not heading in the direction of so-called 'asexuality'.
And.
That does worry me.

The visitor is this girl I was engaged to. I may have mentioned her before. It's the first time we will have met in more than two years.

Better remove those old socks from the kitchen counter tops, then

But seriously: Has she come to her senses and dropped that other dork? Crossing my fingers for a friendly and stressless experience.

You know, I secretly worry too, because sex isn't the greatest thing on earth... I could easily go without for months, even though I have easy and willing access at any time... Oops. Hope my love doesn't read this!

I'm messy but socks on counter tops?
My socks are on the floor and under the bed!

I met Justin at my first h2g2 meet. He was a real jerk, dork and expletive. I had words with Marcus, he could be a tosser when he chose to. But this guy I never knew anything of, and given how long I'm guessing they were together I doubt he was a dork or any such thing.

But, yes, I'm hoping things will be friendly and my company not too tedious and no-one gets stressed out.

When I was with Her I was in a near perpetual stae of arousal. Today, penetrative sex that holds no great interest for me, and that would go someway to explain the lack of interest in men. More so, than a lack of interest in being sexualy intimate or basic sexual gratification, although, whereas I once could easily find cause to masturbate 8 times a day, I now might take week to notch up that number and I had especially bored that week.

Thinking of you today! Be well!

Thank you.

So, my therapist wasn't as completely off the mark as I had thought... Oh, her eyes, her lips, her scent: all too much for me. As happened the first day we met, the firt time me met after our first "parting of ways", so again... Only this time I don't believe myself to be 'in love'.
I sat crying in a cold bath for a couple of hours before I headed off to the pub.
The spilt milk of the failed affairs of the past. My holy altar still fallen and time changing things, the pieces don't fit anymore and my soul cannot be sold to go back and keep it from being broken, I shall spill no more blood there, keep no faith.
I'm going to be staying alone.
But for a friend whom I love as fried with whom I'm a little friendlier than most for however long her fancy lasts.

I really should have crashed out upon my bed drunk instead of posting that indiscretion.

Why should you not open your heart to us? You know we care, and wish you all the best.

Be friends, if it doesn't wear you out. Be careful with your heart and hers, but do love (and I mean that in any way you care to take it )

And as always: Forgive yourself.

*shakes*

I hope it gets easier for you as you get used to your new type of friendship.

Mine is the empty jar.

It's hard for me to explain.
I was attempting to get some answers.
But, I learned nothing new.
Just reminded of some traits she has that only leave me frustrated and annoyed.
And of things that I cannot forgive myself for, and because I get answers from her, fear I will never be able to change and am thus sentenced to be alone and empty.
After all, her fancing me won't last and I don't love her, so how can replace her if I'm just going to do what I did to her to them.

I guess at least you have a jar. All you need now is a dead balloon from Piglet.

(Simulpost. Ignore me.)